


only if you’re 110%

by eversincethediningtable



Category: Larry Stylinson- Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Artist Zayn, Blonde Niall, Bottom Harry Styles, Cuddles, Dorm Living, Drinking, Floppy hair Liam, Fluff and Smut, Harry pov, Harry’s in a band, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Lilo friendship, Long-Haired Harry Styles, Louis POV, M/M, Mixed POV, Movie Nights, Photographer Harry, Recreational Drug Use, Roommates, Scrabble, Singer Niall, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Student Liam, Student Louis, Top Louis Tomlinson, Top/Bottom Versatile Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, University of Manchester, but not Larry dont worry, louis centric, louis thinks hes straight, narry friendship, niam friendship, smoking weed, soccer/football, study dates, toxic partner, zarry friendship - Freeform, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversincethediningtable/pseuds/eversincethediningtable
Summary: “Kiss me Harry” Harry could feel Louis' breath hot on his chin as his face inched closer. All Harry wanted to do was oblige him and lean down to seal their lips, remembering the electricity he had felt that night in London. But he stopped himself.“Are you sure?”Louis eyes locked with his, unwavering, pupils blown with desire.“Yes 100%”Harry wanted to trust him, needed to trust him, but but he knew his heart couldnt survive a repeat of London, he had to be certain.“Only if you’re 110%”Louis lips twisted up at the corners, eyes flickering earnestly, nodding a promise that this time would be different.“110%”A Manchester Uni AU where Louis cant understand why he wants to know everything about the curly boy with the nail polish, and Harry just wants someone to know him.
Relationships: Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Kendall Jenner/Harry Styles, Liam Payne/Sophia Smith, Mitch Rowland/Sarah Jones, Niall Horan/Ashe, Niall Horan/Barbara Palvin, Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles, Zayn Malik/Gigi Hadid, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 37
Kudos: 79





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimers in the end notes.
> 
> Ill add character notes at the end of each chapter as characters get introduced to help clarify things.
> 
> This fic is going to be a long one! I have the plot all mapped out, just typing it up as often as I can to get it finished. Comments are appreciated and I will take your feedback on board!
> 
> This is my first fic, so I’m sorry formatting is weird or something. Please be nice, im doing my best!
> 
> Chapter visuals and other images will be uploaded to my tumblr! https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com 
> 
> I will be updating as regularly as I can so subscribe if you want :)

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/634480401076895744/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-prologue-image)

The most embarrassing start to uni ever: being dropped off by your little sister. Louis was planning to take the train since his Mum couldn’t take time off work to drive him, but Lottie just turned 18 and got her license so his Mum has insisted he let her drive him down to get some practise. Of course, ideally he’d drive himself down and have a car in Manchester with him, but they only had the one car in the family and he’d blown his car savings on partying all summer, so that was never an option. The only good thing about Lottie driving was she didn’t know proper road trip etiquette which dictates that the driver always chooses the music, and the co-pilot is in charge of directions, so Louis was able to convince her that he had to be DJ, allowing him to jam out to Oasis all the way from Doncaster, instead of whatever stupid boyband she would have put on. He didn’t bring much with him, just two duffle bags of clothes, two sets of sheets, two towels, a pillow and a soccer ball. His campus accommodation supposedly provided bed, mattress, desk, chair, bedside table, dresser, closet and lamp, and he would be sharing with either 1 or 2 other first year students.

Louis was not someone who had dreamed of going to uni and living in a dorm on campus like some people do. His dreams never covered anything except soccer, he didn’t see himself as doing anything else, ever. Until last May, when his soccer dream was stomped on, crushed and squished into the ground under the shoe of the Pro Development Squad he had spent the year training with. When he finished high school and was scouted at his club game to join the development squad he wasn’t even excited, because it was everything he had been working towards his whole life and he hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t be selected for the squad. What he also didn’t consider, was that at the end of the year of training his arse off to go pro with the squad, that he would fall into the unlucky group that weren’t drafted to a team in the national league.

The odds were never in his favour, only the top 25% were chosen, but he had always been the best and when he wasn’t the best, he worked harder and harder until he was. Of course, the 75% who weren’t drafted were still offered hefty scholarship incentives to join teams in the university league, from England’s most prestigious universities, but Louis had no interest in anything except going pro, and quickly spiralled out of control. His strict regime to be at his physical peak 24/7 was thrown out the window, and for the first time in his life he allowed himself to drink and smoke and take drugs and stay out all night just like everyone else. For Louis, the high of the party was almost as addicting as the high of being the best, being the fastest, scoring a goal, winning a game, and he quickly got addicted to it, partying every night, barely eating or sleeping, having meaningless sex in club bathrooms with girls whose names he never asked, not thinking past the next night out, and certainly not thinking past the end of the summer. He barely came home for weeks, crashing at girls houses or waking up passed out in a park or in a strangers bathroom, only stopping back home for a shower and change of clothes in the middle of the day when no-one was home before passing out in bed. It wasn’t until he tried to sneak into his room early one morning to find his little sister Daisy crying in his bed.

“Dais? Baby what’s wrong? Come here” He cuddled in behind her, trying to ignore his pounding head and focus on the little girl in his arms.  
“You don’t know anything anymore, you don’t talk to us, you don’t answer Mummy’s calls, you don’t love us anymore”  
Those words cut through his dizzy head like a knife and broke his heart. His mum and sisters were the absolute most important things in his whole life, more important than soccer ever was.  
“No Daisy no I love you so much, I love you all so much I will always love you. Do you hear me? Im sorry baby, I’m so sorry” Tears were pricking at his tired eyes and he squeezed his sister tighter into his chest.  
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I promise I’m here.”  
Daisy’s breathing settled into a steady rhythm as he drew circles on her back. He ran through the past month or so in his mind, replaying every time he declined a call or ignored a text from Mum or Lottie or Fizzy. Why didn’t he just answer his fucking phone! By the time he had run out of scenarios to guilt himself over, Daisy was fast asleep in his arms, and he was left feeling completely sober and unable to sleep. His sister’s words had been a slap in the fucking face. What the hell was he doing that he had no idea what was going on in his family anymore? That his own sister thought he didn’t love them? That was all the push he needed to sort out his priorities and halt his downward spiral.

After reconnecting with his family and apologising, Louis sat down with his mum and tried to figure out what he wanted to do now that soccer wasn’t on the cards, deciding he would use his natural interest in anatomy and the science of the body and his love of sports to study sports science. He listened to his Mum spending hours on the phone with universities whose scholarships he had declined at his low point, begging them to allow a late acceptance of his scholarship and let him start in September. Eventually, The University of Manchester had a scholarship student drop out at the last minute, freeing up the funds to re-offer Louis a scholarship and a place on the soccer team. It was really a miracle, the closest uni to his home had finally given him a place despite the shit he pulled, and he was not about to fuck it up.

He spent the last 3 weeks of the summer completing the pre-reading for his degree and getting back into an adjusted fitness regime to build up the fitness and muscle he’d lost. He was way below the peak of his physical abilities than he’d reached in May, coughing through runs he used to do without breaking a sweat, but by the time he reached try outs for the uni soccer team he was back into enough shape to get onto the top team, and not embarrass himself too badly in front of the other guys. Louis was delighted to see some of his old soccer teammates from Doncaster were on the uni team, Luke, Oli, Calvin and Stan, who were all in their second year of uni now, reminding Louis of his wasted year of development squad. But the boys didn’t seem to care at all, and they worked together like a well-oiled machine, anticipating moves and using old code words and inside jokes like they were 17 again. With promises to hang out and catch up once uni officially started, Louis was feeling much more excited to start uni than before.

Lottie parked in the student parking lot behind an old brick building labelled “Bernard Jackson Hall”. She took the keys out of the ignition, switching off the car and cutting the music mid song. She reached over the centre console to nudge her brother.  
“This is it Lou”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER NOTES:  
> Louis Tomlinson, 21, 1st year Sports Science, on the uni soccer team  
> Lottie Tomlinson, 18  
> Felicite Tomlinson, 16  
> Daisy and Phoebe Tomlinson, 10  
> Johannah (Jay) Poulston 47
> 
> (I’ve made the age gaps between Louis siblings less than they are in real life to fit in better with the story, Jay and Fizzy are still with us and Dan/Ernest/Doris dont exist in this fic)
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> Story is set at the University of Manchester, however I am Australian and dont know too much about the UK uni system, so it will have elements of Australia, USA and UK systems (just go with it). The boys live on campus in residence hall type accommodation (roommates, shared bathrooms etc.), and the uni sports league is quite big (probably more similar to D2 in America), but is not professional. I have also written it with the UK high school system of doing Year 13 at 18/19, so all the first year uni students are 19/20 (except Louis is 21), so third year students are around 23. I know this is kinda old to be starting uni but I just wanted them to be older.  
> Also, because it is set in the UK the drinking age is 18.  
> ALSO: I am Australian, so I will be calling it soccer, not football. I might interchange the terms throughout the fic but just know that I am talking about UK football/soccer NOT American/Australian football.  
> Story is also set in 2020/present day (just in terms of technology/world events), so that means louis would be born in 1998) Fic begins at the start of the northern hemisphere school year (Start of september)
> 
> Keep reading :)))
> 
> All the love, A x


	2. One

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/634869105431838720/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-one-visual)

Louis unplugged his phone and got out of the car, grabbing two of his bags in each hand and slamming the door shut. He felt jittery, but couldn’t tell if it was anxiety, or excitement, or too much caffeine, but it made him uneasy and snappy. 

“Oi Lots grab that bag, let’s go” he shouted over his shoulder as he headed towards the building, his sister traipsing behind him, wishing she was anywhere else. 

“Hi, there welcome to BJ Hall! Can I see your papers?” an overly enthusiastic girl greeted them at the entrance, checking Louis’ room allocation and directing them up the stairs to level 3, Eastern Quad, room 303. 

“There's no lift?” Louis thanked his past self for packing light.

“Nope! Sorry about that. We have the rooms on the ground floor reserved for students who require wheelchair access but all the others are stairs only. Just be grateful you’re not on level 5!”

Jesus Christ, of course his dorm was the shithole one. He thanked the girl and trudged up the stairs.

“Louis you live in BJ Hall. Get it? BJ?” Lottie giggled behind him  
“Jeez, Lottie didn’t realise you were a 13-year-old boy” Louis fired back, secretly laughing to himself at the unfortunate nickname.

When they reached the 3rd floor, they followed the signs to the Eastern Quad, finding room 303 with the door already swung open, with two guys already inside. The right-hand side of the room had already been claimed, the bed made with plain navy sheets, some photos blue tacked to the wall above the bed and a box sitting on the chair, waiting to be unpacked. A guy with floppy light brown hair sat on the made bed, laughing as a familiar-looking blonde guy with a thick Irish accent was animatedly recounting a story from the spare bed. Louis knocked as he peered in the door, spotting his name taped to the front of the door beside Liam Payne. The laughing tapered off as both boys looked over at Louis.

“Hi lads, I’m assuming one of you is Liam?” The brunette sprung off his bed like a golden retriever hearing the mailman at the door, smiling at Louis as though he were about to take him for a walk and give him a treat.

“Hi! Yeah, I’m Liam!” He stuck out his hand for Louis to shake. “You must be Louis?”

“Yeah, hi, nice to meet you,” he said, putting down his bags to shake Liam’s hand. “This is my sister Lottie” he gestured behind him to Lottie who was already on her phone, looking bored. 

“Hey” Lottie looked up momentarily. 

“Hi Lottie! Shit, sorry I almost forgot, Louis this is my best mate Niall, Niall get off his bed! Oh my god, I’m so sorry about him” Liam turned back toward the blonde who was reclining on the other bed, feet up like he was at home. He clambered off and came over to Louis, hand outstretched.

“Louis mate, you were at the soccer tryouts last weekend weren’t ya?”

Louis spent most of his time at try-outs catching up with his old soccer mates, but could vaguely recall the unmistakable accent joking around on the pitch. He shook Niall’s hand, “Yeah, I remember seeing you there”

“Nice to properly meet ya then, sorry bout the bed.”

“No worries lad”

Liam leaned down and grabbed Louis bags from the doorway and brought them over to the left of the room. 

“Lots can you chuck that one over here?” pointing at the spare corner. 

“Sure Lou. We done here? I’m meeting Sam at 7 and I need time to get ready when I get home…” Louis cut her off, waving his hands to dismiss her.

“Yeah yeah yeah ok Lots you can go. I get it your boyfriend is more important than your only brother!”

“You're such a dick. You’re fucking welcome for the lift by the way” She turned on her heel and stalked off down the corridor. Shit, he didn’t mean to piss her off.

With a quick “Be right back lads” he chased after her.

“Wait Lots, wait, I’ll walk you out” He yelled and ran up to her, pulling her into a tight hug as they walked. 

“God you’re so annoying” she laughed, playfully trying to push him off, before giving up and hugging him back. Once they got back to the car and Louis had given his lecture on the best way home and driving safe with her phone on Do Not Disturb, they said their goodbyes. Even though he was only an hour and a half drive away from Donny, he was going to miss his 4 sisters bothering him 24/7, especially Lottie.

Later back up in room 303, the boys got to know each other while they helped Louis unpack. Liam was going to be doing Nursing, and Niall, Music Performance, sharing that he almost made it onto X factor when he was 16. They explained they went boarding school together in London, but Niall was from a small town in Ireland, and Liam from Wolverhampton. The banter flowed easily between the three of them, Louis appreciating Niall’s mischievous, child-like silliness and Liam’s ever-present smile and kind eyes. 

With all his stuff organised, all his posters up (Doncaster Rovers, FC Barcelona, David Beckham, Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zinedine Zidane), plus a few photos of his mum and sisters, and bed made up with grey and white mismatched sheets, he took in the final set up of the room. Symmetrical on either side, the boys had their beds in the corners, with their bedside tables beside them, and a coffee table between the bedside tables, below a shared window, which, disappointingly, looked onto the parking lot below and not much else. At the end of their beds, they each had a desk and chair facing towards the wall, then dresser and closet lined up next to each other. On the wall on either side of the door, each boy had a sink with some cabinets below and a mirror. Liam had thought ahead and brought a kettle for them to share to make tea without going to the common room, and Louis could have kissed him for it, but he’s not gay, obviously. 

It was starting to get dark out and their stomachs were rumbling, so they decided to head to the cafeteria for dinner. On their way out, Louis took in more of the dorm layout. There were for rooms in the quad, two on each side of the building, with the bathroom block in the middle. At the end of the hall, the space opened up to a small lounge area with a TV and some gaming consoles, Louis noted that he would have to find out if someone had FIFA. At the end of the quad, the staircase was to the left, with the Western Quad opposite, and on the right, their shared kitchen/dining area and the RA’s room. Niall pointed out his corridor on the way down, level 1, Western Quad, room 107. 

Embarrassingly, Liam had to fish out the campus map he’d saved from the “Welcome Girl” earlier, to navigate them to the cafeteria. Luckily, it wasn’t too far, about a 5 minute walk, and they were able to spot some other key buildings on the way, such as Slusher House or Slutter House according to Niall, who claims has “all the fit birds in one buildin!” and Cochrane Fitness Centre or The Cock. From what Louis could see on the map, the dorms and residential service type buildings were all grouped together, with the actual university buildings on the other side of the main quadrangle, which had a few shops and restaurants. It was all seeming quite nice, and he could kind of see himself actually enjoying his time there.

Once they had their plates full from the buffet and sat down in one of the booths, the boys wasted no time, tucking in immediately after a long day of travel and excitement. Louis was still surprised how easily the conversation flowed, never an awkward pause or a time where Louis was aware that the other two were much closer to each other. They swapped stories of their summers, and Liam explained to Louis about Sophia.

“We started dating when we were like 14, just like everyone does at that age like you just date a girl you're friends with just to try it out, except it just worked, you know? We just grew together and grew to like each other more and more as we went along, and it just felt like it would always be us. It was the kind of relationship where we had always talked about the future with no question that we would be married and have 3 kids and a dog. She was going to be a lawyer and I was going to be a nurse, and it was like all planned.” He sighed, his eyes were sad, but he seemed at peace.

“When I put it like this it seems so boring, but it wasn’t, it was exciting and romantic and passionate and there were sparks and all the good things. The plan was that she would go to Oxford for Law, and I would go here, and we would see each other as much as possible until I did my hospital placements in Oxford to be near her while she finished her degree, then we would move to wherever she got a job and I would find work at a hospital there. She accepted the place at Oxford, even paid a deposit on a student apartment, but then she got a big fat letter in the mail halfway through the summer saying she had been accepted to Harvard Law School, starting in the Fall with a full scholarship, and that the letter had got lost in the mail which was why it was such late notice. She hadn’t even told me she had thought about going overseas, let alone that she had applied. Anyway, we had two more weeks before she moved, and we just decided that we couldn’t do long distance, and if we were meant to be then it would happen.” Liam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Fuck Liam, I can’t even imagine that. I’m really sorry.” Louis offered.

“No you don’t need to be sorry, it just didn’t work out this time. I still love her and she is still the one I want to spend my life with, I’m just trying to believe we will find our way back”

“See this is where I disagree” Niall jumped in, getting an eye roll from Liam

“I think she owed it to you to tell you that she was considering going abroad. I mean she selfishly kept it a secret to avoid an uncomfortable conversation in the last few months of high school. Louis, back me up?”

Louis raised his eyebrows. Niall made a valid point, but then again, he didn’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, so who was he to judge what Sophia can or can’t keep secret?  
He thanked his lucky stars when Liam jumped in before he could respond. 

“Okay let’s not drag Louis into this, it’s all good on both sides now, we are happy for each other and that’s what matters,” he said, but his voice sounded strained in a way that didn’t match his words.

“Then I’m happy for you lad” Louis added, giving Liam a pat on the shoulder, hoping to communicate that he was there for him if he needed it. Liam excused himself to the bathroom for a minute, probably just looking for an out of the conversation, but neither of the other boys called him out on it. Niall was quick to flip the conversation. 

“Alright then Louis, your turn for a grilling mate. You got a girlfriend back in Doncaster? Or boyfriend?” 

Louis' head whipped up to look at Niall, eyes widened with surprise at that last comment, because, what the fuck? 

“Boyfriend? Why would I have a boyfriend?”

“I was just giving you an option mate, it’s 2020 you know, don’t want to assume anything.”

Louis' voice was rising unintentionally, words falling out of his mouth without any filter.

“So why would you assume I have a boyfriend? Do I look gay to you? What about me made you think ..” 

Niall interrupted his outburst.

“Mate I wasn’t assuming shit, you just hadn’t mentioned any preference either way, and no, until I see you taking a dick up your ass you don’t look gay. Gay isn’t a look. Jesus Christ!”

Louis recoiled at the crudeness of Niall’s description and instantly felt like an idiot. Niall was just being polite. He hadn’t given off any gay vibes or done anything "sus" that made Niall say that, he was simply trying to be politically correct. 

“Right. Yeah. Okay. Sorry about that lad, just, you know ….” He trailed off, eyes fixed on his empty plate. 

Niall’s words triggered flashbacks in Louis’ mind of school bullies calling his slurs for being in the drama club. In the lower grades, he had a thicker skin and continued with theatre because his love for it outweighed any nasty words, but by the time he played Danny in Grease at 17, the words had gotten harsher as the bullies too got older, and a few black eyes later he quit the drama club, focusing only on soccer. He was brought back to the present as Liam sat back down at the table.

“What are you lads talking about?”

“Um, I just asked Louis if he, uh, had a girlfriend or something?” Niall covered for him awkwardly, no need to rehash Louis awkward reaction.

“Yeah, exactly,” Louis replied. The others looked at him expectantly.

“Oh right, um no, no I don’t” He paused, trying to find the words to defend his single status. “Never been that into the whole relationship thing. Never really had time with soccer and everything, and like, I never had any interest in actually getting to know girls I’ve been with, if that makes sense. I guess when I meet the right girl I’ll know, but like the casual thing is working fine right now. No strings and all that.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but he knew he had implied he’d had multiple casual flings or was some flirty playboy with girls lined up, which was certainly not the case.

“I agree with you man. I consider myself an "ethical player". I came up with that one actually. Good huh?”

Louis laughed and nodded enthusiastically at the Irishman’s pride for having coined this term.

“Oh my god, Louis, don’t feed his ego”

“So Niall, what does being an ethical player consist of? What are the ground rules?”

“It's very complicated Louis, it’s practically an art form, if I do say so myself.” Niall began, using his fingers to count out his "rules".  
"First thing, is you always tell the bird straight up, that you’re just looking for some fun. Not need to get their hopes up. Number 2, wrap it up, no matter what birth control magic she says she’s on. Carry one on you always and make sure its not fucking expired. Last rule, never apologise. If you’ve not led anyone on or implied you’re wanting something exclusive, then you’re just two consenting adults, having consensual sex, and you’ve naught to apologise for. If someone gets upset when you've been completely upfront, then that’s their problem. That’s it ! Isn’t it just great!” 

Niall’s wide grin told them he truly believed he had come up with the greatest thing in the world.

“I mean, yeah it sounds great, but that's just casual sex. Doesn’t sound like much of a player if nobody is being played, mate. Not that I’m saying you should be a player, I’m just saying that its a bit of an oxymoron call yourself an ethical player.”

“Yeah but it sounds way cooler to say, “I'm an ethical player”, than, “I have sex regularly with multiple different women, with no emotional attachment on either end”. 

“Jesus Christ guys, who cares what you call it, just don't be an asshole, and don't get chlamydia,” Liam interjected, his lack of interest in the casual scene glaringly obvious. 

“More importantly, don't get her pregnant!” Niall added, giving Louis a nudge and a wink as though he thought Louis was shooting it into a different girl every night of the week, which couldn't be further from the truth.

Louis was starting to feel increasingly ill. He had never thought about hooking up with girls in such a methodical or rule-based manner. Over the summer, sometimes girls had danced up on at him at parties and clubs, and he would be happy to drunkenly receive the odd alleyway blowjob or the occasional quickie in a toilet stall, but more than once he was too drunk or high to get it up, apologising with an awkward few minutes of fingering that left everyone unsatisfied. His only sober experience was with Hannah, who he dated for about 2 months when he was 15, and awkwardly lost their V cards to each other on her bunk bed, then broke up a week later. It wasn’t that he didn’t like girls, he liked them just fine, he just thought they seemed so foreign, from another planet almost, and conversation with them was always bumpy small talk until they discovered they had nothing in common at all and let it fizzle out. He had always defended his lack of interest in getting a girlfriend with being too busy with soccer, but now he was at uni, maybe he was supposed to get one, just to see what all the hype was about. His nausea returned at the thought of it.

Niall rattled off a few more stories of his various sexual escapades, which to Louis shock, many occurred while sober, which he found completely incomprehensible, and at 10pm the janitor was kicking them out of the dining hall. All three of them were pretty tired, so decided to head back to their rooms and wind down, Louis owing his family a Facetime tour of his new digs. 

After his shower, Louis was faced with a dilemma. He had no idea what the roommate etiquette was for nakedness. Was it just like in the soccer locker rooms where everyone just strips and showers in front of each other like it was nothing? The intimate space of their tiny shoebox room made it feel very different from a locker room, so Louis resigned to putting his boxers on underneath his towel in the corner, while Liam, oblivious to Louis' inner turmoil, watched Netflix on his bed. Opting for an old t-shirt to sleep in, so there would be no misconception that he might be naked under the covers, he got into bed and said his goodnights to Liam, passing out on his back with no alarm set for the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER NOTES:  
> Liam Payne, 20, 1st year Nursing  
> Niall Horan, 19, 1st year Music Performance
> 
> Hey guys, I'm really excited for this fic, obviously I am still setting the scene in the first few chapters, but the whole fic plot has been planned already so I'm just typing and editing as much as I can to get it uploaded :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, subscribe if you're enjoying it!
> 
> All the love, A x


	3. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis meets Harry! Finally!
> 
> Thanks for your patience! 
> 
> I'm posting the chapter visuals to my tumblr before the chapters come out so check it out for teasers!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eversincethediningtable 
> 
> Let me know what you think, any comments are appreciated, especially those regarding formatting/AO3 functions which I'm still learning.

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/635076158147395585/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-two-visual)

Louis woke up to the morning sun streaming through the window onto his face, right into his eyes. He blinked a few times, taking in the still-foreign surroundings of his new room. Liam was nowhere to be seen, his bed made up, but phone still on his nightstand, so he couldn't be far. He reached for his own phone to check the time. 8:45am. A few new messages in "The Tommos” family group chat, another one from his Mum checking in on him, and a calendar event popping up, letting him know he had “First-year Sports Science Orientation” at 10am. All the first years had a similar event simultaneously for their respective courses, a bit of an information session, meet the professors and get to know some classmates. Nothing crazy, but Louis was still pretty nervous to meet people. What if they were all nerdy science kids? What if it was obvious that he had no idea what he was doing? What if none of them even wanted to make friends? His friends were the only way he got through high school, chatting in the back row of class, causing disruptions and a bit of trouble while still keeping his grades up by knuckling down in the evenings. He could not imagine going through uni with no friends, but at least he still had Liam and Niall if the guys in his course weren’t his cup of tea. Liam re-entered the room, wet hair, but fully dressed for the day.

“Hey Lou”

“Morning lad, y’alright?” He greeted.

Liam nodded, hanging up his towel, then heard his phone vibrate, grabbing it off his nightstand. “Oh it’s Niall…..” He paused as he read.

"Wanna go have breakfast with Niall and his roommate before course meetings? They're already at the caf."

"Sure let me just get dressed. I’ll be ready in 5."

"Cool. I'll be in the lounge."

Louis crawled out of bed, still groggy, and shoved off his sleep clothes in exchange for a pair of black track-pants, and vintage quarter-zip, both Adidas. He ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to tame the bedhead, failing, then quickly grabbed his keycard, phone and a Yorkshire tea bag, shoved on his vans and met Liam in the common area. He’d brought a box of his favourite tea with him to uni just in case they didn’t have it at the caf, but now that he had Liam’s kettle in his room, they had a little tea station set up so he could enjoy his cuppa whenever he wanted. But no time for that this morning, so he just hoped he wouldn’t look too crazy with a BYO teabag in the dining hall, but he couldn’t risk having to force down whatever shit brand they supplied.

They found Niall in one of the booths, empty plate in front of him.

"Hey mate, I thought Harry was joining us?” Liam gestured to the empty seat beside his friend.

"Yeah he ate with me, but then Nick texted so he had to go. I just said I’d wait for you guys and then get a second helping. They have pancakes with bacon and maple syrup so my belly's become a bottomless pit.” He grabbed his plate and stood up, heading over to the buffet with the other two following.

Not one for heavy foods in the morning, Louis grabbed himself a bowl of some sugary kids cereal, and brewed his cup of tea. Milk, no sugar. Niall stacked up his second tower of pancakes with all the toppings, and Liam fixed himself a ridiculously healthy looking plate, much to Niall and Louis’ disgust, complete with wholegrain toast, avocado, tomato and a poached egg.

“Not them fucking avocados." Louis rolls his eyes at Liam’s feed.

"What wrong with avocados?"

"Trendiest food of all time. It's like if I have an avocado and tag it in me pictures then obviously I'm a boyo. They do piss me off avocados.”

"That's what I have most mornings.” Liam pointed towards his plate incredulously.

"Oh Payno, cmon lad.” Louis bickered, covering his face with his hands in mock exasperation.

Considering the two had only met the afternoon before, Louis’ teasing might seem like a step too far to anyone else, and the nickname too familiar, but he and Liam just clicked and felt like they’d known each other forever, the trio feeling much more solid than it should after so little time.

“So lads, hear me out for a second. Tonight's the student showcase for the Music department. I pretty much have to go but it actually sounds like fun. Its like all the second and third year music students perform for us first years, but I think there are some other students performing too that are doing different courses. Anyway, its at Brickhouse Social, you know, just past the junction on Oxford Road, near the Nandos?”

Louis did not know, but Liam nodded enthusiastically, so he nodded along too.

“Anyway, it's only 5 quid donation entry and you get your first beer free. Come onnnnn” Niall pleaded, attempting puppy dog eyes at them.

“I'm down.” Liam replied. "I mean I don’t have anything else on and it’s the first uni event of the year. Won’t hurt to meet some people. Lou?”

Louis nodded his agreement. “You had me at free beer mate”

They laughed, agreeing to pregame a few drinks over pizza in Niall’s room to save some money before they went. The boys finished their meal, cleared their plates and then went their separate ways to their orientations, Louis first running back to the dorm to properly brush his hair and teeth and change into some light blue jeans, wanting to make slightly more effort than he did earlier in his half-awake state. Satisfied with his look, he jogged over to the science block, which was further than he expected, settling in at the back of a large lecture hall, only 5 minutes late. He was a little surprised to see that some students in front of him had laptops or notebooks out ready to jot down the information they were about to receive. Cursing himself for not thinking that far ahead, he resorted to taking some blurry photos of the slides on his iPhone as the head Professor outlined the course structure and pass requirements. After half an hour of her monotonous tone explaining things Louis was sure were all written in the handbook he had received in the mail a month ago, they were instructed to move into groups in some nearby classrooms to do some icebreakers, aka Louis' worst nightmare.

As they filed out of the lecture theatre, the classrooms had lists of names pinned up by the door, not seeming to be in any particular order, with Louis checking the first 4 doors before finally finding his. He took a seat on one of the chairs that were set in a circle in the middle of the room, and two girls sat on either side of him. _Great_ , he thought, _now I for sure won’t make any friends._

The third-year guy running the activities instructed them to go around the room with their name, where they were from, and a fun fact. Cue eye roll.

After ignoring everyone's answers as he overthought his own fun fact, Louis tuned back in as the girl beside him introduced herself.

“Hey, sup. I’m Cara, I’m from London, and I can play guitar behind my head like this.” She brought her arms up, mimicking her hidden talent, and got a lot of eyebrow raises around the room, including from Louis. “It's on youtube if you don’t believe me, search Cara Delevingne guitar trick.” The host interrupted as some people started pulling out their phones to check.

“Okay, you can do that in your own time. Thank you Cara, who’s next, okay you in the red top, go.”

He wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs, his mouth suddenly feeling dry.

“Um Okay. I’m Louis, I’m from Doncaster, and um, I don't have any cool talents but I have 4 little sisters, so I guess that’s a fun fact.”

“Thanks, Louis, okay next up, blondie”

The girl on the other side of him with long blonde hair piped up.

“Hey guys, I’m Ashe, I’m originally from California, hence the accent, but my family moved to London a few years ago. Uh, my fun fact, I’m doing a minor in Music Performance, so I love to sing and play guitar.”

After the rest of the group had gone around the circle, they paired off with the people either side of them to do a few more ice breaker activities, Louis first with Cara then, Ashe. To his surprise, talking to Cara was easy and unforced. She complimented his vintage Adidas jacket, recognising the specific year and style, which prompted him to check out her outfit: bottle green beanie over messy platinum, shoulder-length locks, a worn-looking leather biker jacket, boxy white tee, black ripped skinny jeans and black Puma sneakers. Louis is pretty sure he’s worn an identical outfit himself. He asks to see the guitar video, she shows him, and then he asks how it's got so many views. She bluntly explained she models to pay the bills, and that a lingerie shoot she did went viral, boosting her name for 15minutes of fame, before deciding she didn't want to do it full time anymore, applied for uni, and fell off the media's radar.S

“Nobody recognises me now thank god, sometimes people remember me from my full name, but it's only really people who are really into fashion, plus I look so different in a photoshoot to how I do on the street”

“Yeah totally, I would have never have guessed you were a lingerie model by looking at you”

“Are you calling me ugly?” She poked him in the shoulder. Louis raised his eyebrows, he hadn’t really thought about her looks, but he knew she wasn't ugly. Pretty wasn't the right word though either. She was certainly striking, with thick dark brows arching down at him from her taller stature, and a sassy smirk on her lips.

“No, no oh my god, I just meant the way you dress, is not how id expects a model to dress. I don't know, I guess I've never really thought about lingerie models”

“Dude, I’m messing with you. I get it like my look is kinda part of how I can continue the job you know. Work me is lacy bras, high heels, heavy makeup, and hair blown out, and real-life me is baggy pants, snapbacks, and under-eye bags. Two different people.” He laughed as the timer went off, prompting the group to switch partners.

Ashe was also shockingly easy to talk to, bonding with Louis over soccer, being on the uni women's team herself, but her passions clearly lay with music rather than sports science.

“Oh, that reminds me, you probably already know about it, but there's the music showcase concert on tonight in town, are you going?”

“Yeah, I am! Got the email from the department about it, but actually, my friend Ed is in second year so he’s performing, and our other mate Lewis is majoring in Music so I’m gonna meet him there too. Will I see you there?”

“Yeah! My mate Niall is in first year Music and insisted we go, and first beer is free, so, how could I decline” They both laughed, agreeing to say hi to each other when they got there.

The rest of the session passed relatively quickly, and Louis found himself back in his dorm with Liam after an intense day of small talk and information consumption. Liam was having an outfit crisis on what to wear to their first Friday night at uni.

“I want my clothes to say, hey I’m friendly, I’m a friendly friend, looking for other friendly friends! Why is that so hard to achieve!”

“Mate, you sound like a creep. People who you want to be friends with aren’t gonna care about your clothes anyway. Just be nice, and they’ll like you. I don’t even know why you’re worried, we became friends in like an hour! You’ve got bloody puppy dog eyes!”

“Yeah but it’s different with you, you’re chill. But you’re right. I’ll just wear what I would wear any other night. Black pants, striped shirt over top, white sneakers, maybe a belt. Good to go. How about you lad.”

“Dunno mate. I wasn’t going to change actually.” He lifted his arms to sniff his pits. “Yup, all good here”

“Lad, you’ve got tea spilled on your jeans.” Louis looked down, he was right, Niall had knocked him at lunch after telling some stupid story with way too much upper body movement, and jolted his tea onto the floor, but apparently, a patch had ended up on his knee too.

“Fine, I’ll put on these, and then we’re set” he said, holding up his ripped black skinnies.

“Ditch the sweatshirt though dude. Not at a bar.” Louis rolled his eyes, _The whole point of vintage activewear is that it makes it okay to wear on any occasion, because it's vintage_ he thought to himself, but couldn’t be bothered arguing, peeling it off to reveal a black long sleeve. He grabbed his sherpa-collared denim jacket, his room key, and phone and opened the door.

“Okay, let’s do it"

The boys headed downstairs to Niall’s room with a bottle of vodka, finding a red-haired bloke named Ed, and a Scottish guy called Lewis, who Niall had met that day at his own orientation. Ed, being in second year, was going to be performing that night, and so had to stay convincingly sober. They ordered pizzas and played a horrible drinking game which ended with Niall drinking a concoction of vodka, sweet iced tea, beer, and ranch dressing, and nearly throwing up all over his own bed. When they were at a nice level of buzz, they realised the sun had long set and they’d been drinking in the faint glow of Niall’s roommate's night light that had gotten flicked on by accident. They folded up the pizza boxes and tidied up the room, ready to leave.

Louis heard a lock click, the light switch flick on, blinding him, and a low voice came from the direction of the door. “Erm, Niall?”, causing all 5 boys to turn and stare at the intruder.

A tall guy was standing in the doorway, with a displeased expression painted on his face with dark, furrowed brows. He was wearing all black, loose pants, a double-breasted, flour spattered jacket undone to reveal a white tank underneath, and black clog-like shoes. He had a burgundy striped cap and apron dangling from one of his large hands, and a water bottle in the other. Louis tipsy brain was very confused trying to piece him together, because, for 8pm on a Friday night, the guy was dressed super weird. Looking back up to his face, Louis noticed he had his hair tied back into a bun, except for a stray curl escaping above his sweaty brow, framing his face quite poetically.

“Harry! Fuck, I’m so sorry mate, I thought we would be gone before you were back, we were just leaving, we’ll get out of your hair.” Niall exclaimed, moving into another gear as he rushedly cleared more empty bottles and the rest of the crap they had left strewn over the room. The guy’s face softened, and he walked over and lay one of his huge paws on Niall’s shoulder to slow him.

“All good mate. No worries at all. Just didn’t expect you all, but it's a pleasant surprise I assure you.” He turned to the others as Niall sighed with relief. “Hello. I’m Harry.” He said with a little wave.

Liam was first to get up, bounding over to shake his hand. “Hey mate! I’m Liam! I’m Niall’s friend from school. And this is my roommate Louis”, he pointed back to Nialls bed where Louis was still sat nursing his beer, taking in the room. He lifted his free hand in a wave to Harry, his head still a little spinny from the sudden brightness. Ed and Lewis said their introductions as Harry dropped his stuff on his desk and shrugged off his jacket, revealing golden, sculpted arms littered with ink that kept Louis' eyes wandering up and down, the imagery blurring and indecipherable in his current state.

“Come on Lou, up you get, let’s go” Liam was pulling Louis by his sleeve as the boys hurried to leave Harry alone.

“Wait, Harry? You should come with us! If you’re not tired from work of course. Come on, we’re going to the music showcase. Please? Ed’s playing! It’s gonna be so fun” Niall offered, probably slightly overselling it, as Harry sat down to pull off his clogs.

“Free beer” Louis added, half out the door with Liam’s grip firm.

“Thanks, mate, but I’ll see you there, Nick’s on the sound board so I’m gonna go with him. But I might join you later on if that’s okay?” He sounded almost nervous to ask, as if Niall hadn’t just begged him to come with them.

“Oh awesome!” Niall’s eyes lit up, “Okay mate, looking forward to it. See you later!”

The five of them filed out, shutting the door behind them as they headed off-campus, the crisp breeze sobering them up. Once they found the Brickhouse, they paid their donations and found a booth not too far from the stage, filing in all the way to the end with Niall and Liam on one side, Lewis and Louis on the other, as Ed offered to bring over their first round. Liam made eye contact with a skinny girl as she walked in the door with some friends, gesturing for her to join them. Her name was Barbara, and Liam had just met her that day at the Nursing orientation. Louis almost laughed at how similar her vibes were to Liams, being another human version of a golden retriever as she introduced her friends Eleanor and Gigi. Louis then recognises the last girl as the singer he met that morning.

“Hey Ashe!” he waved, catching her attention. She waved back, explaining to a confused Barbara and Liam that they were both in Sports Science. Louis would have said more to her, eager to consolidate the friendship, but Eleanor had sat between them in the booth, making sideways conversation difficult, with Barb on the other side next to Liam. Ed returned with the beers as a duo crooned an Angus and Julia Stone number on stage, and they exchanged some excited small talk, getting to know each other's majors and hometowns over their free booze. A stringy looking guy came up to the stage, tapping the mic annoyingly to get everyone’s attention, before announcing the Music Performance majors' segment of the showcase was about to begin and announced that he would be at the back on the soundboard. _Okay… as if anyone cares_ Louis thought. This prompted Ed to get up and move to a different area, ready to play, and then Niall was waving and yelling at someone in the middle of the crowd. The figure was clearly moving towards them, but Louis was too deep in the booth to make out any details without getting on his knees like a lunatic, or *cough* _Niall._ The low voice told him everything he needed to know.

“Hey Niall, hey guys” Harry said smoothly, with an awkward wave as he closed the last few metres towards the booth. As he reached the head of the table, instead of taking Ed’s empty seat, he placed his hands palm down on the table, leaning forward towards them, letting his loose curls drop low over his shoulders and around his jaw. As Louis' eyes roamed over Harry’s face, finally resting on his eyes, he saw that Harry had noticed his observations, their eyes locking for what seemed like far too long, some sort of electric current flowing between them as the music and chatter around them faded to a lull. Another beat went by, before Harry broke the spell, clearing his throat and looking back around the table.

“Before I sit down, can I get anyone something to drink?” He spoke slowly, his drawling, syrupy tone punctuated with crisp T’s and an unmistakeable Cheshire accent. Liam ordered on behalf of everyone, sliding over his debit card and Harry nodded with one more glance at a shell-shocked Louis and turned back toward the bar. It was then that Louis noticed Harry’s legs, clad in unbelievably skinny black jeans, long and lean, stemming from narrow hips that swayed slightly as he walked. As Louis’ eyes settled on his butt, he clicked back into reality, forcedly directing his eyes to Harry’s ankles where his jeans ended just above the bone. Justifying to himself that he was fascinated with Harry’s jeans, not his legs, he let himself wonder if Harry wore Louis’ own jeans, whether they would be the right length on him like they never were on Louis, always having to cuff the hems multiple times, or cut them off. Once Harry had disappeared from view, his ears refocused on the conversation that was flowing around him, finding that Eleanor appeared to be having a conversation with him, that he had not yet contributed to. He nodded and smiled, feeling rude for not responding, which only encouraged her to continue, though he had no idea what they were meant to be talking about.

After a few torturous minutes, Harry returned, two drinks in each of his hands; sliding three identical drinks down to Liam, Louis, and Niall, keeping a pink cocktail with an umbrella on the side for himself, and settled down next to Barbara, across from Ashe and Gigi. Liam introduces their drinks as a “quaddy voddy redbull”, and Louis scrunches his face up at the first sip of the borderline poisonous concoction. As his eyes trail back to Harry’s long fingers wrapped around the tall glass of his drink, Eleanor gives him a nudge.

“Hmm?” He looks back at her irritated face.

“I asked if you want my Instagram? So you can follow me?”

“Oh, um, right. Sure, I guess” He handed over his phone, allowing her to enter his app and follow herself, continuing her chatter in an annoyingly posh accent that was starting to make his ears ring. She hands his phone back, still on her Instagram page, then proceeds to lean into him to scroll her finger along his screen as she prattled on about growing her following and beach trips and exciting brand deals and Louis’ eyes once again found themselves not on the bikini-clad model on the screen before him, even when she was draped over his right side, hand on his thigh and knee pressing into his. Harry was mid animated laugh at something Gigi had said, baring deep-set dimples and a huge set of pearly whites as his eyes crinkled up, smacking the table with glee. His ears trained themselves into their conversation, as Gigi recounted a funny story to Ashe about what once of the professors did that day in the Art and Design orientation, Harry adding details. _Okay, so he must be doing something creative,_ Louis deduced, before Niall pulled him into a soccer debate he couldn’t ignore; Manchester United vs Manchester City ( _United, obviously_ ).

After another few performers, a few more guys had added themselves to the end of the booth, and Louis finally let himself look back over at Harry, just to remember what he looked like. His eyes roamed all over the boys side profile from where he was sitting across from him, a few seats down. His eyes became trained onto the movement of the curve e of the tip of his nose as he talked, going up and down with every little move of his mouth. Louis giggled into his drink. Who knew that noses did that? It was so silly. Almost cute. Almost. He caught himself mid giggle and screwed up his face into a frown. Harry’s silly nose was so annoying. Why couldn't he focus on the bikini model, but he could focus on the stupid nose of some random dude he didn’t even know. Now he was just angry at Harry’s nose. Niall must have noticed the daggers he was sending at the nose, elbowing Louis out of his trance.

“Dude! You good?” Louis turned toward him, hoping Niall hadn't noticed how long he had been watching the nose.

“What?” Louis pretended like he wasn’t staring at anything, pointedly looking at everywhere except Harry. But Niall was not born yesterday,

"Can you stop staring at Harry like you're about to hate crime him?” Niall explained, semi-jokingly, but an underlying seriousness conveyed in his tone. Wait. Hang on. What?

"Hate crime him? What for?”

Now it was Niall’s turn to furrow his brow. “I dunno man maybe you're homophobic or some shit”

”Oh…" He trailed off. That’s when it clicked. "Wait is Harry, like, gay?”

Niall raised his eyebrows as if to ask, _Seriously Louis? Are you stupid?_ Maybe he was stupid. 

“I mean… I've never actually asked him about it directly but like.... I thought it was, like, obvious.” Niall fumbled.

Louis looked back over at Harry to work out what Niall meant, only now taking in the ruffles of his silky blouse, the pearls around his neck, the red nail polish, the silver earring dangling from his left ear. He didn't know why he didn't see it before, it all added up.

"Oh yeah true, he is dressed pretty gay” Louis nodded, thinking he’d figured it out, when Liam leaned over from the other side of Niall to cut in.

"Dude, no, that's such a generalisation” Louis was the confused one now. _Isn't that what Niall meant? What was going on?_

“Yeah…. I'm talking about his boyfriend. You know, Nick?” Niall clarified, pointing back towards Harry.

“Boyfrie...???”

Louis head whips back over to Harry, suddenly taking in the man next to him, tall and skinny, with his hair styled into a far-too-tall quiff. The annoying guy from the microphone. His arm was draped lazily around Harry’s shoulders, playing with a stray long curl as he chats animately with some blokes across the table. Now that Niall had pointed it out, they were clearly together, but the irritating man leaning down towards Harry to capture his lips in a soft kiss cemented the situation in Louis mind.

His throat felt dry and he downed the rest of his drink in one go, gaze fixed on the two men. Suddenly his "quaddy voddy red bull" started swimming around his stomach in a weird way, tickling his brain to the point of discomfort.

"This is fucking disgusting. I feel so sick, I need to go home before I throw up.” Louis burst out.

Without a glance back at Liam and Niall, he pushed himself up from the booth grabbing his phone and wallet with eyes still stuck on Harry. He stumbled hurriedly past Eleanor, Gigi and some of the newcomers, mumbling some apologies as he stepped on their toes, and huffed out of the bar. He switched off his brain on the walk home, focusing only on the chill that ate through his t-shirt, reminding him of the jacket he’d left beside Lewis on the seat. Finally arriving back at BJ, he took the stairs two at a time. Pushing into is dorm room he flopped back onto his bed still fully dressed on top of the covers, rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow with a groan, telling himself he was too drunk to question what about Harry pissed him off so much before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER NOTES:  
> Cara Delevigne, 20, first year Sports Science (Part-time model)  
> Ashe Willson, 20, first year Sports Science with a minor in Music Performance (On the Uni women's soccer team)  
> Lewis Capaldi, 20, first year Music Performance (Already friends with Ashe and Ed)  
> Ed Sheeran, 21, second year Music Performance  
> Harry Styles, 19, first year Fine Art with a minor in Music Performance (Niall's roommate)  
> Barbara Palvin, 19, first year Nursing (Friends with Gigi)  
> Eleanor Calder, 19, first year Media/Communications (Does Insta modeling/Youtube, Ashe's roommate)  
> Gigi Hadid, 20, first year Fashion Design (Part-time model, knows Cara, high school friends with Ashe)
> 
> Subscribe/leave kudos if you're enjoying!
> 
> All the love, A x


	4. Three

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/635584429218234368/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-three)

Louis woke the next morning feeling surprisingly fine considering his outburst the previous night. Rolling over he saw Liam's bed empty and made. Either he never came back last night, or he's already up and gone. He fished his phone out of the jeans he still had on to check for any texts from Liam letting him know, finding it dead, and plugging it in on his bedside table. Not having his own clock besides his phone, he dragged himself up and walked across the room to turn Liam's alarm clock towards him. 10:30am. Not too bad. He toed off his vans, peeled off last night's clothes, and wrapped a towel around his waist, heading towards the shared bathroom down the hall for a shower.

Today’s job was to find a job. He dried off and rummaged through his drawers for something semi-responsible looking, but still casual. Something that says “hey! hire me instead of every other idiot student with the same boring resume as me!” Settling on his usual black skinny jeans with the ankles cuffed, but opting for a loose black collared shirt that hung low over his hips, buttoned up almost all the way, and his black brogues that he usually saved for soccer award nights, or weddings, or, funerals. He shoved his laptop and half-charged phone into his backpack and headed across campus to the library to print out 50 copies of his shitty resume.

— — —   
Louis William Tomlinson, 21  
24/12/1998  
04 555 272 07  
louist98@gmail.com

Work Experience:  
Babysitting:  
2010-2019

MacDonalds:  
2013-2017

Soccer coaching/camp leader (summer camp):  
Dec/Jan of 2017, 2018, 2019

Interests:  
Soccer, sport, science, theatre

Skills:  
Proficient in Microsoft Office, good communication and people skills, enjoy working in a team, perform well under pressure, good leader, able to take feedback.

Looking for:   
20-25 hours per week outside of class time, but flexible on this. Availability attached. Please contact me via phone or email.

Kind regards, Louis.

— — — 

Okay, so he wasn’t exactly sure if being a big brother to his little siblings counted as babysitting, and “people skills” was probably a bit of a stretch since at MacDonald's he spent most of his time flipping the bird at people behind the microphone in the drive-through, but apart from that, it wasn’t too far from the truth. 

After dropping it in every shop or cafe on campus, he walked down the main street to do the same thing. He found a cute little bakery-cafe with an old-timey looking font spelling out W Mandeville Bakery across a maroon sign. Not his first preference, but he wasn’t in a position to be picky at the moment. He pushed through the door, and a bell tinkled above his head, causing the lone cafe patron, an old man with a coffee and a newspaper, to look up at him. Walking up to the display, he eyed the selection, mouth-watering as his grumbling stomach reminded him of his skipped breakfast. There was a vast array of gorgeous looking delicate cakes and biscuits, and then some more classic muffins, croissants, and scones, with loaves of bread on a shelf behind the unmanned till. Louis contemplated pressing the service bell atop the glass counter when he heard a scuffle in the back, and the clang of possibly a dropped baking tray or similar, accompanied by a series of swear words. Louis laughed at the thought of someone stumbling around the kitchen in a hurry to answer the bell, surely to be disappointed that Louis was looking for a job, not buying anything. The clumsy baker emerged, in a familiar all-black uniform, this time with maroon apron and cap on his head, bun poking out the hole in the back. 

“Oh, hey. Louis right?” Harry beamed at him, warmth emanating from his blushed cheeks. 

“Yeah. Hi.” Louis replied, his face clearly not giving away his instant recognition of the face he has studied in such depth, so Harry jumped in to remind him.

“I'm Harry if you don't remember. From the other night? Niall’s roommate?”

“No, no, I remember you!” Louis confirmed, “also, you’re wearing a name tag”, he pointed at Harry’s chest, to which Harry looked down, confusedly, as if he had never seen his own name in his life. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Just wasn’t sure if you recognised me, I look pretty different when I’m at work I think, hair up and everything…” He trailed off, clearly realising he was rambling, then promptly recovered, composing himself with a plastered grin on his face, all customer service robot. “So what can I get for you this morning? Or afternoon I guess, its almost 1”

“Oh, no, sorry. I don’t want anything.” Louis apologised, Harry’s face falling immediately. He backtracked, “No, I do want something. Very badly actually”, now Harry just looked confused. 

“I want a job. Here.” He swung his backpack onto his front and scrambled to pull out a slightly creased resume, smoothing it out before presenting it to Harry, who accepted it, skimming his eyes over it’s contents.

“Well, thanks for applying, but we have had loads of student apply, and the resumes get looked at on a first come first served basis, so I can pop you on the pile but you’re not exactly first in line. Or the most qualified, if im honest, most of the other forms at least say they like baking or something.”

“I hate baking” Louis replied automatically, screwing up his face at the thought, then catching himself. “I mean, I hate baking for just myself, my passion in life is to share my lovingly baked goods with as many people as possible to share love and light all around the town” he added sarcastically. Harry let out a loud shouting laugh, clapping a hand over his mouth to stop the noise. Louis laughed with him for a minute before Harry spoke.

“At least you’re honest. I never know with some of these resumes if they're just ass-kissing to get the job or if the stuff on there is true."

“Well you won’t be getting any ass-kissing from me that’s for sure. But if there’s anything I can do to move my form up a little in the line…. “ Louis trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows with a smirk. 

Harry instantly blushed and looked down with his lips parted, and only then did it hit Louis with what he’d just insinuated. He’d totally forgotten Harry was gay and might think of something he said in a sexual way, especially on the topic of ass-kissing. 

He immediately back tracked. “NO! No!” Louis exclaimed. “No no no no no. Nope. Did not mean that to come out like that. That is not something I am suggesting. Nor is it something I do. Ass kissing I mean. I don't do that. Im not like that. Im straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with ass-kissing. Or being not straight. Both are very cool. Just not me. Ok. Glad we’ve cleared that up.” Was the room suddenly sucked from oxygen? Louis shirt felt suddenly clingy and his fringe sticky on his forehead. He looked back at Harry after a beat of silence. 

“I was not expecting you to offer that, nor would I take you up on it. But no, I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Sorry about that.” Harry seemed totally cool, as if what Louis just insinuated had zero effect on him. Was he ugly or something? Was Harry not into him?

“Oh. Okay. Well. If you could put in a good word or something. Friend of a friend and all. Cool. That’s all then. Thanks.” He turned on his heel and headed towards the door, ignoring the amused gaze of the old guy, who had clearly overheard Louis’ outburst in the confined space. 

“Wait! Louis!” Harry had strode over from the counter, long legs quickly catching up to Louis, placing his hand on Louis’ shoulder as he turned back to Harry. Their height difference made even more apparent by their new proximity, Louis had to tilt his head to look at Harry in the eyes. Which he could now see were emerald green. Great. Silly green eyes sitting above his silly bendy nose. Such an annoying face. Harry pressed a brown paper back into Louis' chest.

“I heard your stomach grumble” Harry said with a smile, as though it was the most normal thing in the world to feed a practical stranger just because you heard their stomach grumbling. Louis gave a tight lipped smile as his thanks, still feeling claustrophobic in the awkward atmosphere he’d inadvertently created, craving some fresh air. Turning back towards the door about to pull it open, a large hand settled on the door handle before he could reach it, Harry’s body heat radiating onto his back and side from where he’d leaned over Louis shoulder. He was frozen, unable to turn back, his brain totally unable to supply him with thoughts. 

A low voice breezed into Louis ear, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling from the breath. 

“By the way, girls have asses too. And I’m pretty sure they like theirs to be kissed too.”

Harry dropped the door handle and stepped back, creating much needed space between them. By the time Louis had gathered himself enough to look behind him, all he saw was the plastic sheets of the kitchen door flapping from the figure that had just walked through them. Now Louis thought he might actually stop breathing if he didn’t get outside, hurriedly reaching for the door handle and stumbling onto the street outside. He was panting, hand sweaty as he leant on his own thighs trying to catch his breath. What the hell just happened? Once his breathing had steadied, he turned to walk back up the street the way he’d come. That was quite enough job seeking for one day. 

Once he was safely back in his room, he realised he was still holding the paper bag, a cute twisty fold securing the top and W Mandeville inscribed on the side. Annoying as Harry was, he was grateful for the gesture, as it was well and truly afternoon by now and Louis felt like he might faint without some energy in him. Unraveling the bag, he discovered a blueberry muffin, much to his disappointment. Whoever decided fruit should go into baked goods was probably a psychopath. In Louis’ opinion, the whole point of baking was to make something sickly sweet and as unhealthy as possible, not a place for hiding fruit and vegetables to create an underwhelming and unpleasant experience. But, he was too hungry to pass it up, so he took a reluctant bite. And was pleasantly surprised. Stupid annoying Harry and his stupid annoying blueberry muffins that were totally delicious. It didn't even taste like fruit, it just tasted like sweetness, and warmth, and love, and all the things Louis’ had made fun of earlier in the shop. He wolfed it down, giving himself an icing sugar moustache, and cursed Harry for making him rethink fruity baked goods. And for his stupid nose. And his stupid green eyes. He licked off his moustache. 

The door clicked open and Liam entered with a frown on his face. 

“Hey Liam, mate, have you been out all day? You were already up this morning when I left! Or are you only just getting home from last night, you sly dog” He winked, doubting that was the case but playing along anyway. 

“Nah mate, I crashed in Niall’s room.”

“Wow shit! You got that hammered that you couldn’t make it up the next 2 flights of stairs huh? What the hell did I miss?”

Liam’s expression was unchanged as he walked over to Louis, who frowned as he noticed a sheet of paper in his hand as he slid it onto Louis’ desk. He leaned over to pick it up, reading aloud.

“Campus Housing, Bernard Jackson Hall. Room re-allocation request? Wait what? You want to change rooms? I thought we were getting along well? What the hell mate?” Louis was astonished, he thought he and Liam had clicked so quickly, there was no way that could have been one sided. 

“I know Lou. We were. It’s not about that.” Liam was still avoiding eye contact, scuffing one of his shoes against the leg of his chair. 

“Well then what the hell is it? If its about the mess, I can do better I swear, I’m just still unpacking a big but the boxes will be gone as soon as I’m sorted out. Is it cos I borrowed your shower gel? I would have asked I swear, but I haven’t had the chance to buy any and I only used a bit a swear. Like such a tiny amount that I still smelled after. Sorry that’s gross. Am I too gross for you?”

“LOUIS! Stop.” Liam held up his hand, raising his voice for the first time. Louis was a little scared, the other guy’s more muscular frame suddenly seeming threatening. “Look Louis, I liked you, until last night. I just can’t room with someone homophobic. I’m sorry, I just don't tolerate that kind of backwards thinking.”

“What are you talking about Liam? Why the hell would you think I’m homophobic?” Louis was in genuine shock. He wouldn’t want to room with a homophobe either, but Liam had the total wrong idea about him, and he had to know why.

“Louis, don’t play dumb with me. You took one look at Harry and Nick last night, said “that is fucking disgusting” or something, and took off looking like you were about to vomit. If you are such a bigot that you can’t stand two men being together in front of your eye just like a straight couple would then you’re homophobic, whether you think so or not. Please just sign the form before I get the RA involved.”

“Liam! Hold on a second. I was feeling sick last night. I was talking about the fucking drink. Which was fucking disgusting by the way. I felt so queasy I nearly threw up in the bush on the way home. I was NOT talking about Harry and Nick. I have no problem with them. In fact, I was just talking to Harry today! At the bakery! He’s cool! I think we are friends! I don’t know what else I can say to convince you.”

“Do you promise? Because if you’re lying, it will certainly come up again and I won’t give you the courtesy of asking for your signature, I’ll just leave, and you can pay double housing fee”

“Liam I swear to god. I was talking about your stupid fucking drink.” Liams features softened, and he wiped his brow with relief. 

“Thank god Louis. I really like you, you stupid idiot!” He bounded over, morphing back from scary gym bro into labrador form, giving Louis a tight bear hug, which was eagerly returned.

“Wait a second, let me text Niall and explain it to him so he doesn’t hate you.” He grabbed his phone and quickly tapped out the story before pulling Louis into another hug. “I'm so glad we can still be friends!”

“Honestly Li, I’m glad to have a friend like you. I don’t know that I would have had the balls to do what you were doing.” Louis patted him on the back, wondering if he would keep a friend whose values he didn’t agree with, wondering if he had already done that subconsciously with some of his misogynistic soccer mates. Yup, he definitely didn’t have Liam’s balls. 

“Come on Lou, let’s go kick the footy with Niall or something, I feel like we need to celebrate.”

“Oh my god, celebrate me being a decent human being? That is so lame.” Louis laughed.

“Celebrate not having to ditch you! Come on we were going to go anyways. Throw that form away and put your runners on.” Louis scrunched up the re-allocation sheet and piffed it at Liam’s rubbish bin across the room, doing a mini victory run when it made it in, and getting hit by one of Liams shoes as he changed his own pair. Yep, they were back to normal, just like that little blip of misunderstanding never even happened. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the park just the three of them, playing 2 v 1 soccer until Liam got sick of always losing to the actual soccer players, and they called it a day. They headed to a random pub for dinner and a few beers, light witty banter shooting between them till they were in stitches with all the laughter. They didn’t stay out too late, going back to their rooms before midnight, and went to bed all smiles on the high of good company. Sunday brought sleeping in, a late brunch in the cafeteria, and finishing off the pre-readings and introductory activities for their respective courses, except for Liam, who had completed his weeks ago, who met up with Barbara and some other Nursing students for the afternoon. Louis ate a cup of 2 minute noodles at his desk for dinner, pouring over his anatomy textbook in attempt to squeeze 2 months worth of memorisation into a single evening. Not his best idea yet. Eventually he decided his brain was no longer processing after reading the same 2 lines over and over again without understanding a single word, opting for sleep to prepare him for his first week of classes beginning the following morning. Liam was already fast asleep, a fan of an early night before a big day, his Monday outfit laid out on his chair. Louis giggled at their opposite habits, but quietly flicked off his lamp, chucked away his noodle cup and hopped into bed, hoping the information contained in the textbook by his pillow would seep into his brain via osmosis as he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is reading, leave a comment if you'd like!
> 
> I appreciate all of you, and I hope you're enjoying the story. It's gonna be a long one :)
> 
> My tumblr for the visuals: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eversincethediningtable
> 
> All the love, A x


	5. Four

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/636190578710855680/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-four)

Monday flew by, with his Biomechanics lecture at 10am, and in the afternoon a tutorial for a unit called Anatomical Basis of Human Movement. Why it needed such a mouthful of a name he had no idea, but the first lesson seemed like it was actually going to be interesting, so he wasn’t hating it just yet. He sat next to Cara in the lecture, but didn’t get the chance to really talk since neither of them wanted to be singled out as the troublemakers. At least not on the first day. But he was glad to have a familiar face in the large hall.

Then, Louis had his first official training session for the soccer team, from 5 to 7, and he was grateful to know not just Niall, but also Stan, Oli, Cal and Luke, making the team feel like home from the very start. It was so different from his previous training though, much more chilled out, and allocations based on fairness to everyone rather than benching the worst players and only letting the stars on the field. His coach, though, Coach Cowell was a total asshole. Thank god he didn’t seem like he was going to be very present, only staying for 15 minutes to lecture them about improving their ranking this season, before leaving the captains to run the practice, and Louis just hoped it stayed that way.

He and Niall picked up way too much Chinese take away on the way back to BJ, laying it out on the coffee table in Liam and Louis room as the three of them sat on the floor and wolfed down the selections, whilst watching Goggle-box, all of them too knackered to hold a conversation. Louis called it an early night, and was in bed by 11, knowing he had to be up bright an early in the morning.

He had an appointment with a course advisor in the student services office at 8:35am, a compulsory meeting for all new students to ensure they were meeting all the prerequisites for what they wanted to do in the future, and getting all of their credits in time for their graduation etc. Super boring stuff, and Louis was super pissed that he got an early morning slot. He rang up to try to change it, and found out it was in alphabetical order and began on Monday, so he had no choice in rescheduling. So, early night it was.

When his alarm buzzed at 8:15, he groaned and pressed snooze. When it buzzed again, louder, at 8:20, Louis pulled his pillow over his head and cursed into the mattress below him, until the shock of a bitter cold assaulted his back as Liam ripped off his doona, threatening to slap him if he didn’t get up and silence the noise. After groggily pulling on some black track pants, t shirt and grey hoodie, Louis slipped his socked feet into some Adidas slides, not caring that he looked like a total slob, he was planning on going straight to student services, spending about 5 minutes with the advisor, and then walking back and getting back into bed. He didn’t even bother looking in the mirror as he left, choosing instead to run his fingers through a slightly greasy fringe on his way down the stairs.

Half asleep, he plodded over to the Library building, where the student services offices were, taking the lift up to level 2, walking past signs reminding; _Shhh, be quiet, you’re in the library._ After a bit of a wander around the floor, he finally found the sign pointing towards Course Advisory, walking through a set of automatic sliding doors, then a left into a waiting room type hall, with more “No Talking” poster pinned up around the rows of chairs. He walked halfway into the room and grabbed a random chair on the right hand side, away from the other student waiting, not wanting to have any interactions this early, or have anyone recognise him while in his slob outfit.

Once he’d sat down, his eyes were drawn up and slightly to his right, and got caught in a green pair. Of course. On the opposite side of the rows, a few chairs along, sat Harry, who grinned and waved. Harry was dressed way to well for this time of the morning, though notably more casual than the other night. He wore an abstractly printed shirt thrown over some sort of slogan tee, with some red cord pants and white vans, which one, weirdly, had pink laces. A pair of black sunnies tugged down the collar of his tee where they hung. Louis waved tiredly back, before pulling out his phone for something to break the stare. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Harry, he did. He just didn’t know how to interact with him right then, where they were sat apart and unable to talk. And he was feeling slightly self-conscious about his grotty outfit, looking a total mess in front of super-fashionable Harry. He stares aimlessly at his lock-screen as his brain wondering what Harry’s last name could be to have him scheduled near Louis in the time slots. Q, R, S, **T** , U, V. Well Q, U and V are unlikely, so either R, S, or T, although he heard that the S’s had already begun yesterday afternoon, so it was probably late S’s or T. He began to brainstorm as he waited for his appointment. Harry Smith. Harry Stone. Harry Scott. Harry Sullivan. Harry Sharp. Harry Simpson. Harry Stewart. Harry Turner. Harry Taylor. Harry Thompson. Harry Turner. Harry…

“Harry Styles?” A woman called out from one of the office doors. Harry rose and followed after her. Harry Styles. STYLES. Was that a joke. What a name. It sounds like a fucking rock star name. Louis' eyes rolled further back into his head than he could ever imagine. He would have much preferred him to be Harry Smith.

The door closed behind him, leaving Louis waiting for his own name to be called. Unlocking his phone, his fingers traveled without his brain's permission, opening up Instagram and typing in Harry Styles into the search bar. Two different accounts with mutual followings appeared. @harrystyles, and another called @byhs, which, now intrigued, he clicked on.

— — —

@byhs 380 photos, 8523 followers, 297 following

**by HS.**

_Photographer_

photographic art by harry styles

personal: @harrystyles

— — —

Photographic art. What a wanker. He rolled his eyes but continued to investigate, scrolling past a few highlights, down to the main feed, where he found a collection of carefully curated images, what appeared to be three photos from each shoot or event, creating cohesion within each row. To Louis, there didn’t seem to be a clear style. There were black and white photos, as well as colour. There were sunsets and cityscapes, as well as portraits. There were fashion style shots, as well as close ups of a flower, inter-dispersed with food pics. Clearly Harry didn’t fit into any sort of stylistic box, capturing whatever his eye determined was art, and Louis found himself quite endeared. So far, there had not been any photos of Harry himself, so when Louis found a close up of the boy's face, he instantly clicked to open up the [post.](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/636189566097932288/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-four)

The image was cropped extremely close, cutting off at his hairline, leaving out the right edge of his face, just exposing a red collar that made his lips appear even more red, but the glitter was what caught Louis’ attention. Below Harry’s left eye were some glittery stripes making a rainbow on his cheek. With the “happy pride” caption, Louis realised it must have been the LGBT rainbow on his face. Then he saw the number of likes, 14,000! Quite a lot for someone with under 10,000 followers, the post must have been shared somehow.

He went to click on one of the hashtags, #youthprideMCR, and realised he’d accidentally double tapped on the image. Fuck! The red heart glared at him through the screen. His eyes flashed to the date, July 2019! Holy shit, this was worse than he thought. A pic from over a year ago. He tapped the red heart again, removing his like, praying that Harry wouldn’t get the notification, exposing Louis’ stalk. He quickly closed the app, rubbing at his eyes and blaming the uncharacteristically early morning for his blunder. He then decided to reopen the app and message Harry, so as not to leave any awkwardness.

— — —

"hey um im not gonna pretend that didnt happen and that i wasnt just stalking ur insta cus i obviously was... cool pics btw”

— — —

_Okay, that’ll do. That’s not too weird. Just to the point._

“Lewis Tomlinson?”

Irritated at the mispronunciation, got up and huffed his way over to the door, passing the one that Harry was still behind, to see his own advisor.

His appointment. Was. So. Boring.

“So Lewis, Sport Science I see. And a late enrolment. Tell me what your goals are within the course”

“To graduate.”

“Okay.” He typed for far too long on a large monitor that faced away from Louis. “So what about after graduation?”

“To be a physio, I guess. Or an athletic trainer. Or like an an exercise therapist, working in rehab or something. I don’t know, I guess I’ll just see which units interest me most and then do my internship in third year based on that.” The typing continued.

After that it went fairly smoothly, though Louis still felt pretty grilled when it came to his passions within the field. His passion was soccer. He was good at science. That’s why he was there. He was not passionate about massaging random peoples joints or taping sprained ankles. But he could see himself in the industry somewhere, he just wasn’t sure where yet. But isn’t that the whole point of the course? Why did he have to know everything on the second bloody day? After almost 15 minutes with the guy, Louis emerged from the room no better off from how he’d entered, if anything, slightly pissed off, and more ready to crawl back into his warm bed for another few hours. He pulled his hoodie back up over his head and walked past the waiting students.

Until he saw Harry, leaning against the wall by the door, essentially blocking Louis’ exit, looking straight at him, and suddenly he remembered his tragic double tap from earlier. Shit, Harry was going to make fun of him. Louis slowed as he approached the door, but Harry shifted his weight off the wall and onto his feet, and proceeded to open the door for Louis, who looked up, slightly confused, before walking through. Harry followed eagerly behind him as he walked out.

“Hey Louis” He whispered, big grin on his face. They were now side by side as they weaved their way back to the stairwell. “Thanks for the like.” And his grin widened, giving him a weird, distorted, frog face. “I replied to your text by the way.”

Louis looked back up at him, raising his eyebrows at Harry, who nodded eagerly. He pulled out his phone and opened up the chat to a [long string of texts from Harry](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/636189722727825408/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-four), all complaining about Louis’ lack of insta content.

“Sorry I have no photos. I don’t really take many. Unlike someone.”He poked.

“I mean I get it, I’m handsome, but why my photography account? I mean my abs are out way more on my personal one, promise. In fact I don’t know if they even feature on….”

Louis rolled his eyes and interrupted . “You wanker.” He hissed, only just retaining library volume. “I didn’t know what B,Y,H,S meant, so I clicked, okay, and then ended up looking through your pics.”

Finally, they had reached the main exit, Harry, again, pushing the door open for Louis before catching up after him.

“So what did you think?” Harry asked, back at normal volume, giving off excited puppy energy, as if Louis’ opinion on his photography was the one thing that would make or break his day.

“I told you. They’re cool. Random, but cool. I’m not the best person to ask though. Not into art really.” Louis admitted.

“Random?” Harry seemed almost offended.

“Not in a bad way, just like, there were lots of things. Landscape. People. Clothes. Flowers, Weird light things. You know? Just a variety of subject matter.”

“A variety of subject matter huh? For someone who isn’t into art that was a pretty arty thing to say.” Harry challenged, as if he thought Louis was secretly Picasso.

“Just cos I’m not into it doesn’t mean I never studied it. I did graduate high school you know. I did the compulsory unit in Year 11.” _Barely graduated,_ Louis thought to himself, his focus had been mostly on soccer training, but Harry didn’t need to know that.

“Hmm" Harry mused, seeming to accept that explanation. They continued to walk as a comfortable silence settled over them, clearly both heading back to their respective dorms in BJ. Until Harry stopped abruptly, causing Louis to turn back.

“Have you had breakfast? I’m starving.”

Of course Louis hadn’t had breakfast, he was planning on back crawling into bed and pretending that this morning was a bad dream. But, his conversation with Harry had him feeling much more awake, his brain alert and no longer sleepy. Breakfast right now wouldn’t hurt. Especially breakfast with Harry.

“No not yet” Harry grinned, frog face on full display.

“Oh good. Good. I mean, um. Not good that you haven’t eaten. Obviously, that’s not good.” He rambled, Louis noticing this was becoming a habit of his nervousness. "Um… how about the bakery? I get a discount, and like can probably make us a coffee for free.”

Oh… so Harry was suggesting they go out for breakfast. Like off-campus out. Louis had assumed they’d just eat together in the cafeteria. But a warm pastry with a fresh coffee was infinitely more appealing than a plastic bowl of Lucky Charms.

“Yum. Okay let’s do it.” They walked back in the direction they’d come, then taking a right off the campus ground and down Oxford St. They chatted as they walked. Just basic stuff, the same stuff Louis had shared with his other new friends. Harry grew up not too far away, in Holmes, Chapel, Cheshire just as Louis had guessed. He was a Fine Art student, focussing on Photography, but also doing a minor in Music Performance. He was in a band. A rock band. Louis rolled his eyes, because, of course Harry was actually a bloody rock star. He was secretly dying to see them play. See him play. Harry had a sister too, but his was elder, and only one, and said he could not possibly imagine having 4 little ones.

Harry talked sooo sloooowly, placing weight on every word he uttered, making Louis hang off each one, waiting patiently for the next one, as if Harry was unlocking the world’s secrets with his sentences, rather than describing the mundane rhythms of his family life. Because they were beautiful sounds, the Cheshire lilt colouring the noises that left Harry’s plush pink lips, his nose still doing the little bobbing thing as his mouth moved. Almost cute. But where drunk Louis giggled at the annoying nose, sober Louis couldn’t take his eyes off Harry’s lips. They were so plump, and a deep pink shade that brought out the subtle blushes in his cheeks. It was taking all of Louis’ focus to actually comprehend what Harry was saying instead of zoning out watching his lips move to the calming noises of his voice.

Harry slowed, approaching the red door of the bakery, pressing through with Louis following as the bell chimed above them.

“Grab us a table, I’ll get us some coffee. What do you have?” Harry gestured to some empty tables.

“Um, just whatever you’re having is good. Not fussy.” Louis turned around to pick a table. He actually was quite fussy, preferring a sweet, milky coffee, but didn’t want Harry to go to any extra trouble. He settled on a booth table by the far window, sitting on the side facing the front counter. He watched as Harry worked the coffee machine, effortlessly, as though he were playing a musical instrument, arms moving around gracefully as he went through the motions. He lifted a small glass up in one hand, jug in the other, and danced his hand around each other, pouring milk into the glass in swirling motions, flicking his wrist and tilting the glass meticulously, before setting the glass down on its saucer, next to another cup, and rounding the counter to collect them. He brought them over with a warm smile on his face, dimple popping with pride. He clearly took his coffee skills seriously. He placed the milky coffee in front of Louis, the larger mug for himself.

“I made a latte for you. I know you said you wanted the same as me, but I think I’m the only person under the age of 50 that actually enjoys a long black. Hope that’s ok.”

Louis looked down at the drink in front of him, noticing an intricate heart shaped design in the milk.

“You did latte art for me? You didn’t have to do that.”

“It's no trouble! I quite enjoy it actually. Is it ok?”

Louis took a sip. The coffee was smooth and the foam creamy, the milk adding just enough sweetness for Louis’ tastes. He didn’t even need to embarrass himself by asking for sugar.

“Delicious. Perfect. Thank you.” Harry beamed at him over his mug.

“Great. Did you decide what you wanted to eat?” Harry gestured at the untouched menu on the edge of the table. Of course that was what he was supposed to be doing, not watching Harry make coffee. Shit.

“Er….. No you pick. You know the food here. What’s your recommendation?”

“I was just gonna toast ham and cheese croissant in the sandwich press. That sound ok?”

Louis nodded. Harry went to get up to prepare their meals when a brown-haired waitress came over.

“Hey H, I see you helped yourself to coffee?” She joked, giving Harry a nudge.

“Sarah, hi! This is my friend Louis.” Louis waved. Sarah smiled back at him.

“What can I get you guys?"

“Would you be able to get us some ham and cheese croissants?”

“Toasted?”

“Always.” Harry replied.

“Easy. They’ll be ready in 5.” She walked away.

Harry turned to face Louis again.

“That's the Sarah I was telling you about. Our drummer. She’s awesome. She’s so cool. We’re called Sarah’s Band for a reason!” Harry gushed. If Louis didn’t know Harry was gay, he would have said that Harry had a bit of a schoolboy crush on her. One of pure admiration and awe.

“Oh cool…”Louis said, not really knowing what to say. He took another sip of his latte.

“Yeah.. anyway.” Harry looked down at his hands, fiddling with his multiple rings that adorned his huge fingers. Louis kept watch as the fingers moved up to clasp around his mug, the massive hands making it look like a teacup.

Harry continued. “So, um. How do you know Niall?”

“Oh, no I don’t. I mean I do, but I didn’t. He’s a new friend. He’s on the soccer team with me, and my roommate Liam went to school with him so we’ve been hanging out. Lewis and Ed too. I don’t really know anyone else.”

“He's hilarious isn’t he.” Harry laughed. “I feel like I totally got lucky roommate wise. We get along so well. I was so nervous that I’d get someone horrible.”

“Same!” Louis added “Liam and I just clicked from day one, and even though we are so different it just works, you know?"

“Yeah it’s like that with Niall too. I feel like it’s going to be a nice group. I mean I know the year is only just starting, but I thought it was fun the other night at Brickhouse, like we stayed out for ages just drinking and laughing and then Lewis doing karaoke, remember when he… oh wait. No, sorry I forgot you left early! Niall said you were sick, are you feeling better?” Harry seemed genuinely concerned, but Louis was thanking god that Niall and Liam hadn’t told Harry of their suspicions, and that there was no need to explain himself to Harry.

“Yeah fine. Just that poisonous drink got to me, combined with tiredness I think. And maybe too much pizza. Not a good combo. Sounds like it was fun though, we should all go out again.”

“Yeah it was. We definitely will."

They shared a smile, eyes meeting, holding each others gaze for a moment. And another moment.Louis’ mind was swimming in the jade of his eyes, sparkling in the sun streaming through the window, making Harry squint ever so slightly…..

“Ahem”. Sarah interrupted, both boys immediately breaking the moment to look up at her as she placed their food in front of them. “I didn’t grab any cutlery, you good with your hands?”

“I'm good with my fingers, yeah” Louis replied.

Harry choked on his coffee. Sarah smirked. “I'll leave you to it.”

Louis frowned at Harry, who was still sputtering, picking up the croissant in his hand and taking a bite.

“Good with your fingers, huh?”

Mouth full, Louis lets a confused “Hrrmh?”

Harry was fighting to contain a laugh. “No. Nothing.” He started eating his own croissant. Louis finally got the joke.

“Oh yeah, very funny, turning something perfectly innocent into an innuendo. Hilarious Harold. What are you, 12?” Louis scolded jokingly, the nickname slipping out of his mouth before his brain even registered it.

“Harold?” Harry raised his eyebrows. “It’s just Harry. Not short for anything.”

“I don’t care. You’re Harold now.” Louis insisted, still faking stern.

“Then what are you. What’s your nickname?”

“Don't have one. Don’t need one.” Louis took a huge bite. Of course he did have nicknames. His Mum called him Lou bear, Stan and the lads sometimes called him Lewis, and he liked Tommo, but he didn’t want Harry to call him Tommo. It didn’t seem right. Didn’t seem personal enough, since he’d just invented one for Harry.

“Fine.” Harry said between bites. “That gives me free rein. I’ll have a think about it. And when I get it, it will be per-fect”

“Ugh, please don’t.” Louis fake-cringed at the thought of the pet name, the idea warming his heart in a weird way.

They both laughed, finishing their croissants and coffees in a comfortable silence. Sarah came to take their empty plates, and Harry paid for their meal, insisting that with the staff discount it was basically nothing, but Louis still felt like he shouldn’t have.

They’d just left the bakery and turned down Oxford St to walk back to campus, when Harry’s phone rang. Louis saw Nick flash across the screen, along with a contact photo of the pompous emcee from the other night. He rolled his eyes.

“Sorry Louis, I’ll just be a minute.” Harry slid his finger across the screen to answer the call, turning and taking a few steps away from Louis to talk.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” Harry spoke softly, possibly thinking Louis couldn’t hear him.

“Sorry, I forget you don’t like that.” Harry returned, and Louis could almost hear the frown in his voice.

“No, I’m heading home now, I was just getting breakfast with a friend.”

“No, a guy friend. Does that matter?” Harry’s voice rose at the end of the sentence with annoyance.

“Yeah you’ve met him. He was at Brickhouse the other night. Louis?”

“He was feeling sick.” Louis felt a little swell of pride that Harry was defending him, for whatever reason.

“Nick, come on. Are you kidding me?” _Oh oh. This doesn’t sound good._ Louis had no intention of causing problems for Harry’s relationship.

“Okay, no, you’re right, I should have asked you.” H _ang on a second. Ask him? To meet a friend? What kind of bullsh-_

“Okay, coming.” _Wait, what?_

“Love you too” Harry turned back around, frown lines creasing up his forehead under his curls.

“I'm sorry Lou, I have to go to Nick’s. He hates when I hang out alone with guys without asking. Sorry I can’t walk you back. But I’m really happy I ran into you.” Harry said awkwardly, as if he wasn’t convinced that he was actually going to go to Nick’s, his lips not matching his expression.

“Harry, that’s rubbish. You know you’re allowed to hang out with whoever you want. You don’t need permission. We’re friends now.” Louis was almost angry at what he’d heard. What kind of dickhead thinks they have a say over their partner's friends. The conversation was becoming one that should be happening sat down, not in the middle of a busy street.

“You don’t get it Louis. He’s not forbidding it, it just makes him uncomfortable. It’s just a preference of his. Same as I have a preference that he doesn’t come to my dorm room without asking me first, or something like that.” Harry tried to explain.

“No Harry, it’s not. And I think you know that. Look, why don’t you go and tell him that I’m straight and he has nothing to worry about if he’s that insecure.” Louis knew that didn’t fix the issue, but it might allow them to spend more time together.

“Yeah okay. Bye Louis. I mean it though. This was fun. I want to do it again.” Harry said earnestly.

“Definitely. Okay, bye Harold.” He waved and turned back to walk to the dorms alone.

“Bye-bye Lou Lou!” Harry called out to Louis’ back, who flipped him the bird without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER NOTES:  
> Sarah Jones, 20, third year Music Performance
> 
> Follow my tumblr for more visuals :) https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eversincethediningtable
> 
> Any comments are appreciated!
> 
> Subscribe/leave kudos if you're enjoying! Thanks to everyone who already has, I can't believe people are actually reading this! It means a lot to me :) Next chapter is Harry's POV so get excited!!!
> 
> All the love, A x


	6. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Harry POV! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy his thought-style compared to Louis', I picture their internal dialogue to be almost polar opposite of each other, so I hope that comes across! 
> 
> TW: Toxic/controlling partner.

HARRY

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/636532431252570112/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-five-visual)

The walk up Oxford street across Rochdale canal was a dull one. Harry hadn’t brought his headphones, not planning on going anywhere other than back to his dorm after his course advisor meeting. Speaking of which, went extremely poorly. Telling someone who is trying to organise your career path for you that you are Majoring in Fine Art and Minoring in Music Performance is not exactly what they want to hear, let alone your dreams of your band becoming famous or photography becoming recognised.

And it wasn’t like he was crazy either. He was putting in the work. He’s won various awards for local talent within the photography world, and done an internship at Fused Magazine and had a shoot of his shown in PAPER gallery’s “up-and-coming” section, along with his self-portrait submission for Youth Pride Manchester X Gay Times getting published in the July issue. He was confident that if he kept up his work and used his passions to his advantage that it could turn into a career for him, but the careers counsellor was less than convinced. But then again, Harry wasn’t a little 16-year-old anymore, and he was finally one of those people who just didn’t care what people thought of him. And he was proud of that.

He was considerably less proud of abandoning Louis in the middle of the street to run to his boyfriend. As he walked away all he could think was, _Why am I going to Nick’s at the click of his fingers when I would much rather hang out with Louis. Even though I barely know him…_ Louis was less than understanding, which didn’t help. He clearly didn’t understand that in a relationship you have to make sacrifices, like sacrificing hanging out with a new friend because it makes your boyfriend insecure. But what sacrifices has Nick made?

Harry had time to mull over his relationship as he got on the bus to the other side of the city. Harry had met Nick years ago, as he was a friend of Gemma’s. Not her closest friend, by a long shot, but they were in the same friend group, and had therefore been a familiar face to Harry since he was 15. He was also the first openly gay guy that Harry had met, and teenage Harry had a weird admiration for him for some reason, before realising that he identified with him as part of the queer community. But adult Harry had become closer to Nick over the summer between high school and university.

Gemma snagged a studio space in the radio production department at uni over the summer for Harry’s band to mess around with recording some demos, and Nick was there every day on the radio, Fuse FM. He gave their demos play time on the radio, and they all hung out 5 days a week in the studio. It took Harry by surprise when Nick first hit on him. He always though Nick looked at him like a little brother, a scrawny teen with acne and clumsy long limbs, and he had to admit, he didn’t really see Nick as anything romantic at first. It happened one day after they had all packed up and finished for the day in the studio. Harry and Nick ended up being the only ones left behind, Harry replacing a string on his guitar, and Nick doing who knows what.

— — —

_Flashback_

Harry was sat on top of the amp in the studio, fiddling with the string of his guitar, trying to secure it ready for tomorrow’s session. It was after 9 pm, they had all already eaten their Chinese take-away dinner on the floor hours ago, and the others had all filtered out after packing up their own things when Harry broke his string. He just had to replace and then lock up as he left to drive home. He was humming along to a new melody he was playing with, totally zoned into what his fingers were doing, when two large hands grabbed harshly onto his shoulders.

“BOO!”

“FUCK!” Harry swore, almost dropping his guitar in shock before his brain registered that it was only Nick and not an axe murderer. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me. I thought everyone had left.”

Nick smirked. “Not everyone, it seems. Nah I did leave, but remembered I forgot to turn off the soundboard, and it overheats if you leave it on overnight, so I had to come back.”

Harry nodded. “Oh ok. Cool. I’m just fixing this stupid string and then I'm out. I’ll see you tomorrow. “ He smiled politely up at Nick, whose hands were still resting on his shoulders where he had grabbed them, looking down at Harry who was still seated, craning his neck to look at Nick.

“Yeah, I was gonna go…. but then I saw you sitting there all cute with your hair in that little bun. Humming that little tune.” Harry turned to face forward, cheeks reddening, as Nick began to apply pressure to his shoulder blades, massaging as he spoke. “And then I just couldn’t help but come over to you.” He pressed his thumbs in deeply and Harry let out an involuntary moan. Curse his stupidly tight shoulders from all his hunching over the guitar.

“Ohhhh you like that huh?” Nick teased. Harry was positively blushing, eyes fallen closed at the massage, very glad that Nick couldn’t see his face. He hadn’t been touched in so long, not even in a sexual way, but in the intimate, intentional way that he was now. It triggered something inside him that had his pants feeling tighter at the front.

“Nick….” Harry breathed, as the hands travelled down the front of his chest, rubbing circled as they went. Harry’s mind was fuzzy, no idea what was happening, where it was going, or what it meant. He almost felt tipsy at the touch. Nimble fingers grabbed the guitar out of Harry’s lap and placed it to the side, leaving Harry free to lean back into Nick’s chest.

A hand returned to Harry’s chest, his now free hands clasping over the top of it. He could feel breath hot on his neck. Lips ghosted over the skin, before pressing a hot kiss into his throat

“Harry.. please.” Nick’s voice was pleading, almost desperate, which was strange from the guy who was usually so cool and nonchalant. Nick’s other hand reached for Harry's chin, turning his face towards him. Harry’s eyes flicked open, as Nick closed the distance between them, lips pressing on lips briefly before Nick’s mouth was opening, tongue pressing into Harry’s mouth before he could even register what was happening.

Their mouths moved against each other quickly, Nick’s tongue thrashing around Harry’s mouth in a way that left Harry a passive recipient of the kiss, rather than a participant. He was gasping for breath as Nick’s mouth finally left his, moving down his jaw and neck, hands roaming lower and lower. The lips released and Harry’s eyes stayed closed as Nick moved from behind Harry to directly in front of him, hands resting on his knees as he knelt in front of Harry, whose eyes flicked open as the dots connected.

Nick’s hands reached quickly for Harry's belt, without even meeting his eyes, pressing Harry’s legs apart to kneel closer between them.

“Wait, shit, Nick.” Harry’s mind was running a million miles an hour. “Hang on a sec.”

His racing thoughts were struggling to put it all together. _How did this go from a massage to Nick on his knees in under 2 minutes? What the hell is happening? Do I want this? My dick definitely does, but is it a good idea?_

Nick obeyed, hands slowing on Harry’s buckle.

“Harry? What’s the problem?” Nick asked, seemingly irritated at the hesitation.

“Okay fine, it’s fine. Go.” Nick smirked teasingly.

“Yes sir.” He winked. Harry closed his eyes, not wanting to see any more.

His button and zip were quickly undone, jeans yanked down and he lifted his hips automatically to help out. The elastic of his briefs dragged down and a hand clasped around the base of his dick.

“Shit you’re big”

Harry just moaned in response, as the hand pumped vigorously, the dryness creating unpleasant friction, but not enough to outweigh the stimulation. Then it was gone, and quickly replaced by Nick’s mouth, wet and warm on his head. Harry’s head fell back as Nick sucked harshly, yet expertly, as his mouth bobbed up and down, hand covering the part he couldn’t reach. It had been so long since he’d been intimate with another person, that he knew he wasn’t going to last long, especially when Nick knew exactly what he was doing, presumably years of practise under his belt.

The mouth released as Nick caught his breath, then resumed, taking all fo Harry into his throat, eliciting choked gagging noises. Harry couldn’t help but steady himself with a hand in Nick’s hair, which seemed to spur him on, moving faster and sucking harder, gagging noises becoming more pronounced.

“Fuck, shit, I’m close” Harry cursed, eyes flying open to meet Nick’s tear-filled ones. He didn’t pause for a moment.

“Nick, stop, I’m gonna come.” Nick laughed at that. Well, he laughed as much as he could with a cock down his throat. But Harry still felt mocked, as if his Nick thought his warnings were childish, or just evidence of his minimal experience.

But still, he felt his come spurt into Nick’s throat as pleasure rocked through him, hand tightening in hair, eyes scrunched shut and brows furrowed. Nick’s movements slowed, focusing on the tip as he licked at the last bursts of come. By the time Harry’s eyes opened, reality settling back in, Nick had already tucked him back into his briefs, and stood up, wiping his mouth.

Even with his dick away, Harry suddenly felt incredibly exposed, cheeks still flushed and brain still in a post-orgasm fog. He scrambled to stand and pull his jeans up, taking an embarrassingly long time to fiddle with his belt buckle before securing it, as Nick’s gaze burned into him, still smirking.

Harry finally made eye contact.

“Um, thanks. Do you want me to like, do you? Or something? I’m not sure what the protocol is for-“ Nick cut off his ramble with a mocking laugh. 

“No. Harry. It’s all good. You’re welcome though” He winked and walked towards the door, not even looking back to yell “See you tomorrow!” leaving Harry flushed and stressed, no idea what tomorrow would entail.

_End Flashback_

_— — —_

After that first time, sloppy studio hookups became a more regular occurrence, and they gradually moved back to Nick’s flat to avoid anyone walking in. Though it was not a secret. Everyone knew what was going on, as Nick constantly made sexual innuendos in front of their friends, and liked to kiss Harry possessively in front of them and make him blush for no reason. Then one day, Nick referred to Harry as his “boyfriend”, and that was that. Harry wasn’t really sure how it happened. All he knew was he was horny, and they were hooking up, and it was good, and then he was in a relationship, without really knowing when he signed up for that. But he couldn’t deny, Nick was good in bed. They hadn’t actually had sex yet, he wasn’t ready for that, but what they had done had been plenty. Nick’s experience far outweighed the messy party makeouts and bathroom blowjobs which were the extent of Harry’s experience with both boys and girls. Nick seemed to know all the tricks in the book, so Harry certainly wasn’t complaining, he just didn’t know when they became a couple, rather than friends-with-benefits. It’s not like they ever had a first date, or any dates, really, and now he could almost write a list of all of Nick’s preferences about what he should or shouldn’t do. Not rules, Nick had insisted, but they felt like rules.

  1. Don’t turn off your phone. He always has to be available to answer call/text unless specific reason (i.e. class) that Nick had to know about prior.
  2. Don’t follow any male celebrities on social media. Not even his music inspirations or favourite artists.
  3. Don’t hang out with male friends alone. Especially ones Nick didn’t know personally.
  4. Don’t wear sheer, tight, or revealing clothing anywhere where Nick wouldn’t be present (i.e. to a club if Nick wasn’t coming too)
  5. Don’t call him pet names. Only Nick was allowed to use pet names, not the other way around.



It wasn’t too bad, Harry reasoned. Pretty easy to follow actually. Much easier to follow than to upset Nick, because an upset Nick meant every problem in his life was Harry’s fault, his own shortcomings were all because of Harry, and that if Harry was a good boyfriend he would just accept the requests, and go above and beyond to make his partner happy.

It wasn’t so hard. The pet name thing wasn’t too hard, he just forgot sometimes, which pissed Nick off immensely, feeling emasculated by the endearing terms. Same with the male celebrities, it didn’t take long to unfollow them, and he could always stalk their accounts to check up on any new music or art, so that didn’t bother him too much. They had run into issues before with the friend thing though, with Zayn. Despite Nick watching Harry and Zayn be friends all through high school, ever since Nick knew Harry, he still pulled faces of distaste when Harry mentioned Zayn, or went to hang out with him alone. Zayn was gorgeous, obviously, so to an extent, Harry could see why Nick was insecure at first, but it was getting really old. Harry had never seen Zayn as anything more than a friend, except perhaps as a brother, and vice versa. But Zayn had become more distant in the last week or so, and Harry wanted to reach out to him, but didn't want to piss of Nick. Another dilemma. Not turning off his phone was another annoying one. He loved to switch off and just be present sometimes, for either 10 minutes, or hours. To appreciate everything happening around him, the people around him, and be totally connected. Or to meditate, without distractions. Having your phone on silent, even with vibrate off, didn’t give the same effect as knowing it was powered down and totally off your mind.

Harry kicked a stone along the road as he walked. He wished he had been able to have his phone off when he was with Louis, then he wouldn’t have to go over to Nick’s to reassure him right now. He didn’t see a future with Nick, it was such a new relationship that he had just fallen into. His first relationship. And he just didn’t want to be a failure. Harry always pictured himself being a great partner. One who would love and cherish their significant other and spoil them silly with adoration.Now he was someone’s boyfriend, and he constantly felt like he was doing a shit job of it. What did that say about him? Was he not the person he thought he was? Was he not going to ever be a good husband? A good father? Logically, he knew that it was because Nick was not his person, not because he was broken, but his overactive mind didn’t always let him believe that, so he tried his best to keep it going, to keep Nick happy.

Even Gemma had some questions. She asked why Harry stopped meditating and got concerned when he explained the phone thing. But he covered for Nick, saying he was happy to do it, that it made sense, and that it wasn’t too much to ask at all. But he suspected she still had her doubts. She always did see right through him.

His thoughts carried him the rest of the way to Nick’s apartment complex. He pressed the buzzer from the street.

“Hello?”

“Hey Nick, it's me.”

“Hey, baby! Come on up” Nick's voice didn't sound hurt or upset as Harry had predicted. Maybe this won't be too bad. The lock clicked and Harry let himself into the entryway, climbing the stairs up to level 2, and knocking on 22B. The door opened, and Nick pulled him in by his shirt, rushedly pushing him into a kiss before the door even shut behind them, his hand already thumbing at Harry’s waistband. Harry gently pushed him back, breaking them apart.

“Hang on, Nick. We have to talk.”

“Can't we talk after?” He continued to seek Harry’s fly until a hand stopped him.

“I'd prefer to talk now if that’s okay.” Harry was a little nervous to be so assertive, but he wasn’t scared of Nick, just wanting to communicate how he was feeling about everything. _Isn’t that what couples do?_

“What, so you spend all morning on a date with some new boy you won’t even let me meet, and now you don’t wanna be with me. Wow, Harry. You are so easy. I bet he’s already gotten in your pants, you probably let him fu-"

“Nick! Can you shut up?” Okay, now Harry was actually pissed, because, what the fuck? “We weren’t on a date! And I told you, you already met Louis the other night. Jeez, Nick.”

“I don’t want you to see him again. You can’t just go around dating all the boys in town if you’re with me. That’s not how this works”

“Nick, I swear, it wasn’t a date!” Harry pleaded, still pissed, but also hurt that Nick wouldn’t believe him.

“If it wasn’t a date, then why are you so defensive about it? Huh? And why now all of a sudden you don’t want me to blow you? Can’t think of any other reason other than that fucker just got you off behind some dumpster in an alley. Is that right? Huh?”

“I cannot believe you right now!” Harry wailed, tears pricking at his eyes with the crude allegations.

“No, I can’t believe you! Going behind my back to let some ugly chav fuck you, when you won’t even let me have you. Probably better that way, actually. Wouldn’t want to catch something nasty off you. You’ve probably been sleeping around with any old trash this whole time. I know there's something going on with you and Zayn, that curry-munching Paki!”

Nick was positively red with rage. Harry could simply not believe his ears. They had fought about some of their rules before, but never this one, and Nick had never said things this vile before. Especially not this racist rubbish against Zayn.

Harry paused, letting the words soak into him before he responded.

“How dare you talk about Zayn like that. My best friend. And I will see Louis again. I like him. He’s nice. He’s funny. We have things in common. I’m gonna keep being friends with him.” Harry’s voice was shaky as he stood his ground.

“No you won’t.” Nick’s face was beetroot and pulsing.

“Yes. I will. And if that is a problem, then maybe this isn’t going to work.” Harry was almost surprising himself with his statement. He never thought he’d have the guts to say this to Nick.

“So you can’t even make a simple compromise for the sake of the relationship. You're just gonna get everything you want, huh? Even when you know it upsets me. You are purposely going to do it, just to hurt me. Wow, some boyfriend you are.” Something about that struck a chord in Harry. He wasn’t ready to let go.

“Of course not Nick!” Tears sprung from his eyes. “I want to be with you okay? I don’t want to hurt you. I promise. You can meet him, we can all hang out! You’ll like him, I think you’ll get along. Nick, he’s funny, you will want to be friends with him too. Please! Please let me see him!” It flashed briefly through his mind that he might be begging a little too hard to keep seeing Louis, but he wasn’t in a state to analyse that right now.

“No. Get out. Don’t come back until you’ve made up your mind. Me or him.” Nick pushed Harry backwards, into the corridor and slammed the apartment door in his face, leaving a blotchy cheeked and thoroughly confused Harry staring at the plastic label of 22B on the panel in front of him. He felt numb, taking a step back, and turning around to plod down the stairs and out the front door, and walk back the way he came, all the way to the dorms.

His head was empty, not a single thought passing through it on his walk home. He didn’t even notice where he was until he was at his door, having to fumble around for his room key in his pockets. Thank god, Niall was out, he didn’t feel like explaining his tear-stained cheeks just yet. He just stripped out of his clothes and shoes, as they now felt contaminated by the fight, and into his sweats, before crawling into bed on his stomach.

His last thoughts before he fell asleep were that he needed his big sister. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nick Grimshaw, 23, final year Media/Comms, runs uni radio station (Fuse FM), Gemma’s friend.  
> Gemma Styles, 24, graduated from Media/Communications in May, used to run Fuse FM  
> Zayn Malik, 20,first year Fine Art (high school friends with Harry)
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> Just a reminder that I am from Australia, and have never been to Manchester, but I am basing details in this fic (such as street names/shops/the canal) around what I can see on google maps, of course with creative license (like adding in W Mandeville Bakery which is of course in Holmes Chapel. 
> 
> If you live in or are familiar with Manchester, I apologise if things don't add up! But for everyone else, the locations in the fic correspond loosely to the real city, so if you want to get a sense of where the boys are in the city you can have a look at the University of Manchester on google maps, and Oxford St, Brickhouse Social, etc. Same goes for the Manchester based Fused Magazine and PAPER gallery mentioned, I found them on google and thought they corresponded nicely :)
> 
> P.S, how I am portraying Nick Grimshaw is NOT how I believe he is as a real person. Please keep this in mind, all characters are fictitious. I am saying this about Nick specifically because he is clearly an asshole in this fic. I chose to use his name/look as he was friends with Harry at this age (19), when he was much older (29), but of course to fit the uni narrative I've made him 23. 
> 
> P.P.S, This relationship is definitely toxic (excessive controlling, hypersensitivity etc.) and if you or someone you know have a partner like Nick, that sets rules or “suggestions" for how you act or what you can/can’t do, and takes any sort of discussion about the relationship as a personal attack, then that it not okay or normal, and is toxic. I hope that anyone in this situation reading this can get out of their situation because these types of relationships form a pattern that leads to more and more abuse, and the longer you are in it, the harder it is to get out. Ask for help from family and friends, don’t let yourself become isolated, and believe that you deserve better. I love you.
> 
> P.P.P.S, I know that this relationship perpetuates a horrible stereotype/trope of older gay men being predatory towards younger boys. I just want you to know that I am aware of this, and have still included it for the following reasons; 1, there will be plenty of other healthy gay storylines in this fic that outweigh this stereotypical/problematic one, 2, it doesn't fit the trope perfectly as they are obviously not very far apart in age, and Harry is an adult, and can assert himself against Nick. However, of course, if you have any other thoughts on this, feel free to comment and I can add further trigger warnings. I do not intend any harm to the MLM community, so I am open to any feedback on this. 
> 
> P.P.P.P.S, I am sorry for the racist language against Zayn. That insult is totally foul and derogatory, and I hate that Nick said it, but it fits with my narrative so I hope it is not harmful in anyway that I wrote it. Let me know. 
> 
> Okay, that's enough rambling! (But I think it was important stuff) 
> 
> Thank you ALL for reading, your comments always make me smile and motivate me to finish the next chapter. As always, constructive criticism/feedback is welcomed!
> 
> My tumblr link for visuals: https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com
> 
> All the love, A x


	7. Six

LOUIS

[chapter visual](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/637355835625979904/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-six-visual)

Bye-bye Lou Lou. _Bye-bye Lou Lou._ Like a broken record, Harry’s goodbye repeating over again in his mind, and he couldn’t get enough. Usually such a girly sounding nickname would piss him off, or make him feel small, but from Harry, it wasn’t like that. When Harry called him Lou Lou, all he heard was; _I like you, I like joking around with you, I like hanging out with you, I want to be your friend, I like you a lot._ And maybe that was Louis’ wishful thinking, reading too much into it, or maybe Harry somehow conveyed all of that to him with his tone, and Louis couldn’t wait to hear his voice again.

But he didn’t see Harry for the rest of the week. It rushed by, feeling like he was constantly lost on campus, running to the wrong building only to be late to his next class, having to introduce himself and play the same stupid get to know you games in every tutorial, it was honestly tiring. Having Cara and Ashe as familiar faces in a few of his classes made things easier, Cara especially. She did not seem to give a fuck about anything, especially what Louis thought of her, which just made her so easy to talk to. She wasn’t trying to impress him, and he wasn’t either, and they could just be normal people, instead of boy and girl. Louis was so grateful for that. He didn’t think he could handle trying to flirt with someone right now, there was just too much on his mind. Plus, nobody had caught his eye. Although he had caught someone’s apparently.

Since that night at Brickhouse, Louis had been essentially [harassed by Eleanor on all forms of social media.](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/637356056601853952/fic-only-if-youre-110-chapter-six-reference) The girl was persistent! First, the Instagram request, which, once Louis accepted ( _big mistake)_ was followed by some likes on his most recent posts, and then a string of messages trying to get his attention. He thought she might get the hint when he left all her messages on opened, but she didn’t seem phased, somehow getting his number and texting him too. He was very close to throwing his phone in the bin. But then he wouldn’t be able to text Harry. And he reallllllllly liked texting Harry. Not that they’d texted loads, but every time he got a new message, his tummy did a little flip and his lips twitched into a little V shape to fight his smile. They talked about nothing, just what class they had that day, something stupid Niall said, how busy they both were, but Louis was just dying to talk to him in person. And he could not pinpoint why for the life of him.

Finally though, it was Friday afternoon, and Louis’ last lecture had finished 1 pm, so he was free for the weekend. He was hungry, having only had a Nesquik chocolate milk and a cigarette for breakfast ( _sorry Mum!),_ and somehow his feet took him to the door of W Mandeville Bakery before he had even consciously made a decision to do so. He smiled as he opened the door, looking around for the tall curly boy with whom he associated the bakery. But he had no luck.

After standing at the counter craning his neck around to see into the kitchen looking for Harry, a girl’s voice on his left gave him a fright.

“Are you being helped?” His head whipped round to see it was Sarah. “Oh hey. Harry’s friend? Sorry I’ve forgotten your name.” She frowned.

“Yeah, um, Louis”. He said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do here without Harry. So he kept looking, darting his eyes around the shop hopelessly.

“Um… he’s not here today. He doesn’t work Fridays. Can I get you something or did you just want Harry?”

“No, sorry, I just want Harry….” Louis trailed off, feeling a little lost at the revelation. He’s not sure why he was so sure that Harry would be there. I mean, he didn’t live at the bakery! He went to uni too! Louis was such an idiot.

He noticed Sarah was laughing at him behind her hand.

“Well you’ll have to fight Nick for him, and I don’t think he’ll let go of him easily!” She joked, Louis’ eyes widening.

“No! I don’t want him like THAT.” Louis said defensively, Sarah raising her eyebrows, before adding under his breath, "But yeah…. Nick fucking keeps him on a leash”.

“What?” Her brows furrowed, as if she’d heard, but didn’t think she could have heard correctly.

“Nothing. Um, yeah you know I will get something. Ham cheese croissant, please. Toasted. Fingers is fine. I'll go sit.” He said back over his shoulder as he went to take the same seat as before in the booth by the window.

He drummed his fingers on the table to a random beat as he waited. The bakery seemed awfully dull this time around. The dark red leather of the booth seats had faded on the window side, illustrating years of the same sun streaming through the same window onto the hide, gradually seeping out the dyes. Louis was not always so observant, usually running around a million miles an hour with his brain full, bouncing from activity to activity, loving to steal the centre of attention with his quick wit or soccer skills or even his bum. He enjoyed being the one to watch, but in some moments of stillness, he found he could also appreciate the present, and just watch. He contemplated how the stained wooden tables clashed unpleasantly with the evidently brand new wall paint and display cabinet. The black and white tiled floor had patches of grout that were much browner than others, making Louis feel almost grateful he didn’t hear back about the job, not wanting to be the one to scrub at them. His eyes wandered around the rest of the shop before they fell on a familiar pair of ankles approaching him.

Harry was carrying a plate, a bowl and an apple, doing some sort of fancy waitress technique of arm balancing that Louis was sure would end up in some sort of injury along with a lot of wasted food if he ever tried it, but oddly, Harry wasn’t in uniform. But he was wearing his signature grin as if Louis was the light of his whole day. So he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Okay I have a toasted ham and cheese croissant for you sir “ Harry giggled, placing Louis’ meal in front of him. He took the seat across from Louis, so they were sitting just as they had the other day, and pulled a bowl of what looked like sludge towards himself.

Harry must have noticed Louis’ scepticism.

“It's porridge! Power meal.” Harry declared, picking up a huge soup spoon and shovelling the grey slop into his massive mouth.

Louis couldn’t help but laugh. Harry looked so childish the way he was eating, but the comedy lay in the sheer size of everything, the huge bowl, spoon, mouth, hands, it just looked hilarious.

“Okay Goldilocks, enjoy your porridge” Louis teased, taking a bite of his own, much more delicious lunch.

Harry finished his mouthful, before unleashing that signature froggy grin. “I like Goldilocks. Much better than Harold. That makes me sound like a Tory”

“Don’t worry Harold, you can have more than one nickname. Harold’s not going anywhere.” Harry rolled his eyes as he shoveled in some more oatmeal.

“So what are you doing here?” Louis asked thoughtlessly, evoking a slight choke and raised eyebrows from Harry. He swallowed his mouthful before responding.

“Ummmm Sarah texted me… said you came here for me?” _Fuck, why would she snitch on him like that_ Louis cursed internally.

“That's not even true. I was coming here _anyway_ , I just thought I’d ask if you were on… since you work here… obviously.” He covered.

“Right, sure. Anyway, aren’t u glad I’m here? So much more fun to eat together. Besides, I was just going to eat my porridge in my bed so this is way more civilised.

“Civilised is not a word I would use to describe you eating porridge, that’s for sure” Louis retorted, imitating Harry’s tongue first approach to food consumption with his own croissant.

“Shut up!” Harry laughed, throwing his head back as if Louis had just told the world’s funniest joke. Louis had to admit, it was a bit of an ego boost being around Harry, who always found him so funny and interesting. He kind of felt like the wittiest, cleverest, and the most intriguing guy on the planet. It almost gave him a weird high, unable to wipe the grin off his own face.

Harry calmed down just enough to bring the conversation back to normality. “How was ur lecture this morning?”

“Good! Fine, kinda boring I guess. The professor talks in such a droning, slow monotone I thought I was about to fall asleep. Like, he could at least pretend he was interested in his own class!” Louis ranted.

“I talk like that” Harry looked a bit hurt.

“What?”

“A slow, droning monotone. That’s how people say I talk. It’s true, like, I take a lot of time to get my sentences out. And my voice is quite deep, I guess.” Harry explained, illustrating his point exactly, with enough ums and errs added in to make the sentence so uniquely Harry. But that was what Louis loved.

“Not at all. I mean yes, but it’s so different.” Louis tried to think of how to explain how differently he thought of Harry’s voice, how he adored it, how he could listen to it for hours. How he did listen to it for hours on replay in his own head. But he couldn’t just say that! That would be creepy.

“Your voice, is soothing. It makes your words sound so important. They are important." Louis rambled, unable to stop the tangent he'd begun. "And it's like syrupy. Syrup but like slower and thicker. As thick as honey, but deeper, and richer. Like treacle. Or molasses. Yeah, that’s what your voice is. Blackstrap molasses. Am I making sense?” But Louis already knew the answer, Harry’s warm fond face giving it away.

“Yeah. Molasses. I like that.” He looked down at his porridge, trying to hide his smile, but Louis knew it was there.

They both kept eating in silence for a bit, smiling up at each other, with a little laugh when they caught eyes, neither knowing what they were laughing at. They were just comfortable. They were mid-laugh when Sarah appeared to collect their plates, darting her eyes between the two of them, but Louis was too caught up in their moment to scold her for texting Harry and exposing him.

Once he noticed her, Louis fished out his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”

“Harry already got it” She gave him a weird knowing smile as if she were in on a secret that he wasn’t.

“You didn’t have to do that. You paid last time!”

“Staff discount and all.. “ Harry looked down, fiddling with his rings.

“Mm" Louis felt a bit awkward, never sure how to accept monetary kindness. Maybe Harry was just far better off than him and could just pay for everyone all the time. But then why did he work for minimum wage in a bakery? It didn’t add up. He vowed to pay next time.

“Sooo, should we go?” Harry gestured at the empty table in front of them, Sarah had already begun to mop the floor for closing. They stood and called out their thanks and the chime on the door jingled above them.

It was still just early enough in the year that the autumn sun heated the air around them as they walked, honey brown highlights bouncing through Harry’s curls where they rested on the shoulders of his knit sweater.

Harry was musing over a new project for his film photography class.

“It's like, I want to do portraiture, and I want it to sort of go beneath the surface layer facial expressions, you know? But then I also want to capture how the subject expresses themselves on the outside, like clothes, hair, tatts, attitude, and stuff. But also their inner workings. Maybe I'm trying to take on too much. Anyway, that’s the vision, and I’m starting with my best friend Zayn. I’ve told you about him, right? We went to school together?”

“Yeah I think so. Solid idea Curly. I’m sure you’ll pull it off.”

“Thanks Lou” Harry looked down, fonding. “Anyway" he continued, “you have to meet Zayn. You’d love him. You guys are like two peas in a pod.”

“You only just met me!”

“It feels like I’ve known you forever. It feels weird that you don’t know Zayn yet. Is that weird?”

“No, I feel the same.”

Louis listened as Harry articulated his artistic visions for his project, not letting the unfamiliar technical lingo distract him from watching the passion in Harry's pink lips as they curved around his words, in time with his adorned hands conducting the air as he spoke. They chatted until they reached BJ Hall, Louis swiping his keycard to let them in. They stood awkwardly looking at each other in the entryway for a beat before Harry cleared his throat.

“Ahem.” He ran a hand up through his curls, rearranging them back into the same position. “Do you have stuff to do this afternoon?”

“Not really. Not urgent stuff.” Louis lied, not wanting to part from the curls just yet.

“Do you wanna come up to my room?” Harry proposed shyly.

“Um, yeah. I do.” Louis replied, without hesitating.

“Okay, good.” Harry turned towards the stairs, Louis following like an obedient puppy.

Harry’s room was just one flight up, so they reached the door in no time, Harry letting them in before pulling his sweater up over his head from the back of the collar, the hem of his t shirt catching underneath, exposing his tummy from hips to belly button, Louis unable to look away. Harry had some sort of leaves tattooed on either hipbone, pointing right to the centre where a faint trail of hair disappeared behind the waistband of his jeans. His mouth was suddenly feeling rather dry, causing a small coughing fit.

Harry fixed his clothes, seemingly unaware of the show he’d just given. “Sorry, I didn’t really think this through. Um, what do you want to do? We can do whatever you want.” He pulled a scrunchie off his bedpost and gathered his curls in a bun behind his head before turning back to Louis, whose eyes widened.

“Oh my god. Um. No sorry, I hope I haven’t given you the wrong idea Harry” His real name felt foreign on Louis’ tongue. “I'm straight. I don’t want to do anything. I’ll just go” The words rushed out of his mouth as he backup up towards the door, Harry tying up his hair, ready to go was the last straw.

“Louis wait, no! I wasn’t propositioning you! Jeez. What is it with straight guys thinking all of us are automatically into them.” Harry looked almost annoyed, as if this assumption happened all the time.

“Sorry right. Just read into it too much. And then you asked what I wanted to do and then tied up your hair. Sorry, I don’t know why I thought that.” Louis tried to explain, but it didn’t even make sense to his own ears.

“I meant like…. scrabble. Do you want to play scrabble?”

“Scrabble? The word game?”

“Yeah. It’s my favourite” Louis locked that in his memory bank.

“Sure. Scrabble it is.”

Harry rearranged the room for optimal board game play; clearing Niall’s junk off the coffee table, dragging it to the centre, and propping up two cushions on either side, each one leaning back onto the side of a bed. He produced the board game from the top of his wardrobe, eagerly setting it down on the table.

“Sit! Sit.” Harry insisted. taking his own place leaning against his bed, gesturing for Louis to lean on Niall’s side. Louis sat, this position giving him an optimal view of Harry’s side of the room. Framed photos large and small adorned his wall, along with some artworks and a guitar sat proudly on a corner stand by his desk. He wanted to poke around and get a better look into Harry’s life, but Harry was already arranging tiles on the board before he could even blink.

“Home? 9 points? that’s the best you’ve got Harold?” Louis teased

“I'm easing you into it. Plus sometimes you just have to play something because it's a good word. Something meaningful. Not everything is about points. Scrabble is a metaphor for life."

Louis rolled his eyes. “And here I thought we were just having a fun little game. Okay here we go. 12.” He lay down "W, H, R, E, S" down vertically around the "O".

“Whores! Louis, surely you could come up with something nicer than that.”

“Sure I could. But like you said, sometimes you have to play a word because it's meaningful to you.” Louis was in stitches laughing at Harry’s mock offended face.

He fiddled around with his tiles a bit before placing “SQUARE” horizontally against Louis’ “S”.

“Boring” Louis commented.

“15 points thank you very much”

Louis went down from the “U" with “UNUSUALLY”, landing on a double word tile.

“24 points thank you very much” Louis copied Harry’s sassy manner.

Harry nestled an “I" next to the “N”, right below the “Q” from “SQUARE”, making “IN" and “QI”. He smirked, clearly proud of himself.

“What the hell is kwee?”

“It's pronounced chee, and I’m not entirely sure, but its got the “I” on the double word so 11X2 plus 2X2… 22+4 okay that gives me 26”

“But you only put one letter down!” Louis exclaimed.

“Yup”

“And you don’t even know what it means! That doesn’t count. You’re cheating!”

“I have a scrabble dictionary, Louis. DO you want me to look it up?”

“That is so unfair. We should limit it to English only. Not Chinese.”

“The word is used in English enough to be added to the dictionary.”

Louis frowned. What a stupid word. He stared at his tiles trying to formulate something good. But his brain was blank. He had crap letters. Bad luck. Until he found a word that truly spoke to him.

“FUCK. 13.”

“Louis! Swear words aren’t allowed!” Harry laughed at Louis’ frustration.

“I'm sure you’ll find it in your fancy dictionary. It’s more much part of the English language than bloody kwee.”

“Chee!” Harry insisted, before focusing on his own tiles for a minute, before pulling out all 7 of them to form “EXORCISE".

“Nice try, but thats not how you spell it you idiot. It’s with an E. ExErcise” Louis started to pick up Harry’s tiles, but Harry grabbed his wrist.

“No, YOU idiot. This is exOrcise. Like exorcism. The horror movie thing. 76 points.”

Louis flipped him the middle finger but Harry just grinned back at him, flashing all his teeth, dimples popping inwards in the cutest way.

Louis racked his brains for the rest of the game, no more joking around. He was determined to win, and he played some long words too! With “Z”! and “J” and “Q"! But Harry was unbeatable. Always a step ahead, thinking of the most obscure places to lay tiles and an impressive vocabulary.

“WOOOOOO!” Harry cheered in what Louis thought was a massive overreaction to winning a silly board game.

“What happened to the metaphor for life and points not mattering?”

“I was trying to throw you off the scent” Harry exclaimed with glee as he carefully packed away the final tiles and board into their box. “Make you think I wasn’t worried about winning. But I always win. That’s why its my favourite game”

Louis pulled his pillow out from behind his back and flung it across the table to whack Harry on the head, who retaliated with his own pillow.

“You're such an idiot!” Louis laughed

“Me? You’re the one that tried to play “RONALDO”, everyone knows you can’t use proper nouns.”

Louis launched himself at Harry, causing both of them to tumble onto Harry’s bed as they continued to wrestle like little kids. But the joke was over when Harry found out how ticklish Louis was. He had Louis arms pinned with his knees on either side of his hips, both of them too hysterical to notice their intimate position.

“Stop it! Stop ! Harry I’m serious I will murder you. I will kill you in your sleep. HARRY!” But he didn’t stop as Louis writhed below him, the insane amount of giggles he was letting out keeping Harry going. Harry bellowed out his own laughter, hands brushing up under Louis’ t-shirt across his stomach and up to his armpits, which sent Louis’ legs kicking out, trying to free himself from Harry on top of him. Harry slowed finally, noticing his pocket was vibrating. He nearly sat down right where he was, which would have rested his bum against Louis’ crotch, but his brain switched on just in time, awkwardly jolting himself off the bed to stand, pulling his phone out.

“Hello? Oh hey Gems! Yeah, sure I’ll put facetime on.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and sat back down next to Louis, who was still recovering from the tickle fight.

“Louis, this is my big sister Gemma, Gemma, this is Louis. The guy I was telling you about.”

Louis furrowed his brows at that. _Telling her what?_

“Hi Gemma!”

“Hi Louis! Wait, what on earth have you guys been doing, both of your hair is all over the place and your faces are all flushed and…” Her eyes widened as she trailed off, hand clapping dramatically over her mouth. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Harry why did you answer the phone!”

“NO! Gemma, no. Not what it looks like. Just a tickle fight.”

“Is that what we’re calling it these days.” She giggled.

“Gemma I’m serious”

“I won’t tell Nick if that’s what you’re worried about” Harry wished that was what he was worried about, but that was the furthest thing from his mind. He was worried that any more insinuations would scare Louis away from being his friend.

“Gemma. He’s straight.”

“Oh, sure... sorry. An actual tickle fight. What are you, 7?”

Harry’s mood was suddenly much sourer and less eager to chat with his sassy sister. “Did you want something?”

“Hey! You’re the one that told me to ring you ASAP to talk. Very cryptic by the way.”

“Oh right. I forgot. Well can you call back tonight. Later?”

“Sure. Talk then. Bye Louis”

“Bye"

He hung up, a little nervous to face Louis. “Sorry.”

“It's all good. I can see why she assumed. We look a mess.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a second. Not really sure where to go from there. Harry found some words.

“Um, I was gonna watch this movie for research for my film class. You wanna watch with me?”

Louis beamed with the excuse to stay a little longer.

“Scoot over” He smiled, pushing Harry into the corner and tucking them both under the covers. Harry placed his laptop on their knees, pressing play. Their legs were pressing into each other, both of their hands safely in their laps, shoulders knocking together every few breaths. The air was thick and tense, and Louis had an urge to pull the “yawn and stretch” trick to put his arm around Harry, then caught himself mid-thought, frowning. _It’s not Harry. I’m just touch-starved._ The movie was black and white, and all in French, and Louis found himself watching the characters and forgetting to read, ending up at the end with no idea what actually happened the whole time. At some point, Niall had come back and was pottering around the room, not remarking at Louis being in Harry’s bed as much as Louis expected, and then leaving to go out from drinks with Lewis and Ed. Once the movie ended, Harry put on Friends, his favourite show, and he recited every few lines in perfect timing with the characters, occasionally pointing out clothing items saying: “I have that”, “that one too”, and Louis couldn’t stop smiling as he watched Harry’s reflection on the screen, instead of the characters on it. After a while, they both fell asleep, Loui’s head leaning on Harry’s shoulder, and Harry’s resting on Louis’ head, as the laptop eventually shut down after the “Are you still watching” notification timed out.

It was pitch dark when Louis woke. He looked around to orient himself, accidentally knocking Harry’s head from its position on top of his.

“Hey.”

“Hey. What time is it?” Harry rubbed his eyes.

Louis jiggled the trackpad to read off the laptop screen. “2:40am”

Niall was on his bed, fully clothed but passed out. Louis shut the laptop and put it on the bedside table.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep” He apologised.

“Neither did I. You were comfy though” Harry breathed out, smiling down at Louis, voice extra deep and laced with sleepiness.

“You were too.” Louis admitted. They looked at each other, comfort and warmth radiating between them, not really sure how to part.

“Okay” Louis continued. “I’m gonna go to my room.” Harry nodded, eyes already falling shut as he snuggled deeper into his covers as Louis extracted himself from the bed.

“Night Lou Lou”

“Night Goldilocks”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit more cuteness this chapter. Our babies are getting snuggly :))
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone reading/commenting/leaving kudos/liking my tumblr visuals. Makes me happy to see you enjoying it !
> 
> My tumblr link for visuals: https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com
> 
> All the love, A x


	8. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! long chapter today to make up for how long it took me to write :)
> 
> but i was so motivated to finish it when i saw i had 1000 hits on this fic! that is so crazy to me, even if it doesn't seem like much, it's a lot of people to me, so keep reading and commenting guys!
> 
> merry christmas to those that celebrate it and happy new year to everyone. wishing everyone a safe, healthy 2021 wherever you are in the world. wear your masks, and stay safe by staying home and reading larry fanfiction ! 
> 
> this chapter contains smut! and also nick being a gaslighting douchebag. again, i dont think the real Nick Grimshaw is anything like the one i am portraying, just using his name/appearance as per usual. you guys get it.
> 
> p.s. the visual is just one pic of louis for outfit/vibe reference. because the rest of the chapter is smut. so. hope thats okay lol

HARRY

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/639711728929767424/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-seven)

Harry had been distracting himself from his thoughts this week by plunging into his uni work, but the problem with creative classes is they are constantly asking you to delve into your thoughts and express them creatively, so his work was coming off as dishonest, and surface level, as he bottled all of the Nick drama up inside. He hadn’t told anyone about the fight, about the rules, about his feelings, about the drama. He had never not told people everything, he had never not had someone to listen to him. He knew he could tell Niall, or Louis, or any of the other boys, but it just seemed like too big of a can of worms to dump onto people he’d just met. He felt so alone at uni, even surrounded by all his new friends who he loved so much already, he just missed his closeness with Zayn that had faded away, and especially missed his big sister being with him every day. He missed her while she was at uni, but he’s gotten used to her again over the summertime, and now being away from her felt even harder. Their schedules hadn’t lined up to call yet since he’d picked up with Louis, so he finally took a break to properly call her.

“Gems?”

“Hey baby bro.”

“How's London?”

“London’s quite.. big” Gemma laughed at their old inside joke.

When Harry stayed silent she could already tell something was up. “Talk to me”

“It's Nick. I don’t know what to do.” He covered the mic as he let out a sob, so glad that he wasn’t on Facetime.

“What happened?”

“Everything. It’s just too much. He wants me to choose between him and my friends.”

“What the fuck? Harry are you serious? You realise that’s super fucked up right?” Her anger radiated through the phone.

“I mean it’s not as bad as it sounds, he just wants to meet my friends before I hang out with them one on one. Just the guys, he doesn’t care about female friends. I guess he’s insecure. It’s just annoying because he gets annoyed if I hang out with Louis, which I’m obviously not going to stop doing.”

“Harry, I know Nick is my friend, but you don’t have to sugar coat this. What he’s asking from you isn’t right. Have you talked to him about it? “

“Yeah we had another fight. A really big one. He basically accused me of cheating on him with Zayn. And Louis. And anyone else who wanted me. Calling me a cheap slut. It was so horrible Gemma. I’ve never seen him so nasty. And being racist towards Zayn. Vile slurs. When did he get like this?”

“What the hell. That’s it Harry. There are no excuses for that crap. He’s out.”

“But Gemma, it was really good, he’s so chill usually, he makes me feel good.”

“Does he Harry? Or does he just make you come? Cause if that’s all he’s good for, just get yourself a dildo.”

“Gemma!” Harry exclaimed! He wasn’t about to explain that they hadn’t gone that far, but was also shocked that she had no question that he would bottom.

“What Harry. I’m not joking with you.” Her voice was scarily stern. “You can’t ignore shit like this. You have to have your own life. I know you don’t love Nick. He was a fun summer hookup that went too far, and now he’s being an insecure prick. Not to mention a racist asshole. You’re done with him. And I’m done with him too. That’s some seriously low life behaviour. I want you to break it off properly Harry.”

Harry paused for a second. He had never even thought about love. He didn’t love Nick, but was it weird that he had never even thought about it? Maybe that was a sign. He didn’t see a future with Nick, he didn’t even see a relationshipwith Nick, it just happened out of his control! Gemma was right. He didn’t need to follow some crazy rules just to get laid. Or get off. He could do that himself. And Nick had given him plenty of experience that boosted his confidence. He could probably pull if he wanted. His mind was wandering off as Gemma interrupted him.

“Hello? You still there?”

“Yeah, yeah sorry just thinking. You’re right. You’re always right. I’m not sure why it took this long to tell you about it actually, I guess the racism was the breaking point. And Louis. I couldn’t not see him.” He paused for a second. “Fuck. My first relationship. Crashing down already. I know it’s not my fault but it feels like it.”

“Haz! Don’t think like that! Trust me, you’re a catch. Once word get’s out that you’re single, I promise the suitors will come running. And suitresses. Is that a word? Suiting ladies? Bachelorettes? Sexy singles?” Gemma was in fits of giggles by now.

“Gemma! That’s enough!”

“Ok fine!! But I’m serious. Break up with him. Now. In a text. The fucker doesn’t deserve anythingbetter. And I want a screenshot.”

“Gemma thats so harsh. A text?”

“Harry, I’m not fucking with you. A text explaining why you’re done with him. I’m sorry to say this Harry but he’s not in love with you either. Does he ever ask about your interests? Your hobbies? Your classes? No. He loves having a boyfriend. And you were there. I’m sorry to be blunt, but once you send that text, he will just move onto someone new. Just end it now. He’s a cold-hearted prick. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner to be honest. I could have protected you."

“But I love having a boyfriend too. I think. I think we can make it work Gems. I just have to talk to him. You know him! He’s not a bad guy!”

“Harry! What happened to me being right! And the racist rubbish! And stopping you from seeing Louis!”

“I'll talk to him Gemma. I think he was just in a bad mood. Maybe I worded it wrong. I think I got angry too quickly. I just need to explain myself in a really calm way and say what I want and then if he can’t accept that things have to change then I’ll end it. Okay?”

“No! Not okay! Harry end it now! That shit's unforgivable!”

“Gemma. Calm down. I think I explained it all badly. It’s really not as bad as I made it sound. He’s a good guy. You know that! He didn’t mean it.”

“Harry, everything you’ve said to me fits exactly with his personality. Im actually embarrassed that I was friends with such a shit person, I’ve just let this stuff slide by for years, but this is who he is. If you don’t break up with him, I will do it for you”

“Gemma that’s not fair! I’m not going to talk to you about stuff if you overstep!”

“Fine. But I’m giving you a week. Either you turn him into a completely reformed man and perfect boyfriend that you see a future with and could fall in love with, or you break up with him. Otherwise I swear to you Harry I’ll do it for you.”

“Gemma I’m going to talk to him okay, you’re being ridiculous. Goodbye.”

“Bye Harry. Don’t be an idiot. I love you.

“You too”

He ended the call, head all messy. Despite what he said, he was still in two minds about what to do. If he was honest with himself, he knew he and Nick we not going to last, he didn’t even want them to last! He just didn’t need to ruin Gemma’s friendship with him or anything at uni. Nick still had another year there and they were bound to run into each other. He had to just have a mutual friendly ending, not something messy that would make Nick feel angry for having been broken up with. Harry could only imagine his reaction, he certainly wouldn’t take that blow to his masculinity lightly.

He looked at the clock. 10:30pm. Niall wasn’t back, so he sent a quick text, or 4:

_Hey N, I’m just heading over to Nick’s. Not sure if I’ll stay or come back later, so don’t wait up or anything. - H_

_Not that you would._

_Or that you would have to any other time. You know what I mean. - H_

_P.S. If you’re reading this while you’re still at Brickhouse, can you pick up my sweater, they have it behind the bar from when I left it there last week. Love you. - H_

He grabbed his backpack, shoving in phone, keys, wallet, and then paused before packing a change of clothes. Was it presumptuous to bring an overnight bag. They were still in a fight, so maybe Nick would just laugh at him for expecting to stay over. But he didn’t expect to, he just wanted to be prepared. He decided to just pack clean briefs, socks, t-shirt, deodorant and toothbrush. The rest he could just re-wear, and that way his bag didn’t look suspiciously full. Perfect.

Once he got to Nick's, he was suddenly nervous, unsure if he could articulate his feelings and needs without getting tearful, but he wanted to remain put-together. He took a deep breath before knocking.

“Harry?” Nick looked confused. “What are you doing here"

“Uh… yeah. Sorry I just thought we could have a chat. Is that okay?”

“If you’re here to apologise for being bratty, it’s fine baby, you’re already forgiven” Nick smirked, reaching out to grab Harry’s hips to pull him inside, shutting the door behind them. “Unless you don’t want to be forgiven, in which case I can punish you for being a bad, bad, boy” He winked.

Harry was ready to vomit. How did Nick misread the situation so badly every single time?

“No! Nick, look. I’m not here to apologise. I think we need to talk about us. About your rules. I think they are ridiculous, and immature, and I can’t be with you if you can’t let me see my friends. And I need you to apologise for what you said about Zayn. That was racist, and hurtful, and you should know better.”

Nick released his grip on Harry’s hips and crossed his arms, frowning. He stayed silent.

“Can we sit?” Harry offered, not waiting for an answer before he walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat. Nick followed and sat across from him.

“Harry, you’re being crazy. I was just joking about Zayn. And I thought we had an agreement. It’s not that hard for me to meet your friends before you hang out with them. And it goes both ways, you’ve met all my friends, I don’t sneak around hanging out with guys behind your back!”

“I'm not sneaking around! I was hanging out with a new friend. He’s straight, I’m not interested in him, we are just friends and we had lunch. Just because you don’t have any new friends doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to. Nick come on! It’s not reasonable! You have nothing to worry about, I’m not going to do anything! I’m not a cheater. And it really hurt me when you were calling me one.”

“Okay, fine, I’m sorry for accusing you, but baby I just think about your sexy little ass parading around town in those tight jeans in front of all the boys and I just know that they’re all waiting to pounce on you. It should be illegal to look that hot baby. Nobody except me should be allowed to see you like that. ”

“Nick don’t be crude. You’re talking about me like I’m just a piece of ass to you. That’s so disgusting.”

“Baby no, I care about you, you know that. Don’t I show you that?” Harry was not sure that Nick did show him that at all. He felt sick and used and still stuck on the racist comment. Even if it was meant as a joke, it wasn’t funny. When Harry didn’t reply, Nick continued.

“I never stop talking about you baby, I show you off to all of our friends, I can’t keep my hands off of you, I love the way you make me feel, and I know you so well. I know exactly what turns you on, how to flick my tongue to make you scream, I can make you…”

“Nick!” Harry cut in. “I just think it’s not working. I can’t live by these rules anymore.”

“But the rules are all I have Harry! That’s all I have that show the world you’re mine. That show me you're mine. You wont let me have you properly yet, you say you’re not ready, so I need to have you in other ways. Baby, as soon as you’re ready to go further with me, all the rules are gone. Promise.”

“So if I have sex with you, then I can see my friends? Nick please listen to yourself.” Harry was not impressed.

“It's not about the sex baby, it’s about us both giving ourselves to each other fully. Once we’ve made that commitment, then theres no need for rules. Do you see what I’m saying babe. I want it to be special, for us to bond properly, for me to know you and you to know me.” Nick reached his hands across the table to hold Harry’s, looking into his eyes.

“I don’t want to fuck you Harry. I don’t even want to have sex with you. I want to make love to you. I want us to make love to each other.”

Harry’s heart fluttered involuntarily, he’d never heard Nick talk about sex so sincerely, let alone calling it “making love”. He usually favoured fucking, shagging, boning, or the classic “doing it”.

“Nick… “ He breathed out, catching the older boys eyes in the dim yellowy light of the cheap ceiling bulbs.

“Baby. I know this is all new to you, so you’ll have to trust me on this, but being with someone intimately, being inside them, it changes everything. Whatever you’re feeling about us now, about me, would all be gone. Instead of both of us trying to imagine what the other is thinking or feeling or whatever, it’s like becoming one. I must sound crazy, but you’ll understand once you've done it.”

Was this what their relationship was missing? Why it felt incomplete? Because they’d never gone all the way? On paper that sounded ridiculous, because that shouldn’t matter, but Harry’s tired mind was being seduced by Nick’s smooth words. The promise of everything being different. All the rules and the crap and the comments became blurry as Nick got up and walked over to where Harry was, and he felt himself being pulled to his feet to meet Nick’s eyes.

“I don’t know….”

“Okay love, it’s okay. We can just do what we know. Reconnect with each other. Let me touch you.”

But Nick never waits for a reply. His hand is on Harry through his jeans, kissing up the side of his neck.

“Wait… hang on a second…” Harry’s mouth protested, but Nick’s hands worked swiftly until he was squeezing and rubbing Harry’s dry shaft with practiced expertise.

Nick wasn’t listening to Harry’s words, and neither was Harry’s body, his dick fattening up to Nick’s touch, dripping with pre come despite his tangled brain’s uncertainty.

He felt lips on his own, wetly kissing at his closed mouth, and as if on autopilot, his hands found Nick’s hips, and he moved his mouth in time with his partner, going through the motions as he had done many times before.

Nick broke them apart, pulling his hand out to push Harry out of the kitchen.

“Bed" he ordered to a stumbling Harry, whose fuzzy thoughts mixed with tiredness, discomfort, arousal and uncertainty all at the same time. He felt almost drunk on all his feelings, and the lack of clarity in his thoughts, but was completely sober. He tripped a few times on the random piles of crap littered around Nick’s pig sty of an apartment until he bumped into the foot of the bed, and he turned just in time for Nick to push him backwards into the mattress. He shuffled backwards as Nick climbed over him, somehow already undressed, only his socks left on. Things always escalate far too quickly for Harry’s liking. There was no sensuality in the act, no taking time to caress each other as they undressed like he’d read about in books and seen in movies, that he yearned for. Nick started to rip off Harry’s shirt and push down his jeans with hurry, which might have been hot how needy he was, except it just made Harry feel uncared for. But that feeling was hard to keep up when there was a hot mouth caressing the head of his cock, giving him the kind of bliss that leaves all rational thoughts behind.

His head dropped back onto the pillow as he moaned, hands finding Nick’s hair and gripping for some grounding. Nick’s hands were holding down Harry’s hips and jacking himself off with the other. A brief thought fluttered through Harry’s head: _Good, looks like this will be over quickly._ But he pushed that aside. Just as the warmth was building in his lower belly, Nick popped off, wiping his mouth.

Harry sent him a confused expression in replacement of words.

“Come on Harry. I want this with you. Let’s do it.”

“Im not sure that I’m ready Nick.” Harry squirmed beneath him, avoid eye contact.

Nick rolled his eyes. “That’s just nerves talking because it’s your first time. You’re going to die a virgin if you can’t get over that.”

He had a point. “Maybe… “

“Trust me Harry, once we are connected, and you’re overcome with how good it is and how close we are, you’ll wish you did it sooner. Baby come on. Don’t you want that feeling with me?”

Harry came here tonight ready to end it once and for all, but was Nick was saying made sense. A true connection might be just what they need. To get over the communication barriers, and be fully vulnerable with each other. It was kind of beautiful to think about.

Nick continued as Harry ran his brain through the scenario, “Baby I want this so bad for us, to make love to you. It’s about use connecting as two souls, and I know it sounds like rubbish but you really feel so special to me and I want us to experience this. I know how much it means to you and it means a lot to me too. And I’m glad we’ve waited, it’s going to make it better for us.”

Nick was caressing Harry’s face as he spoke, but also rutting his hips down into Harry’s groin, keeping the heat between them alive. He leaned down and pressed a long kiss to Harry’s lips, then sat up and reached towards the bedside table, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom.

It was all happening a bit quickly for Harry, as he was still deciding if he wanted this, if he wanted Nick, but Nick seemed convinced that it was going to happen right now, and it felt too difficult to argue. Maybe it would be good. Maybe Nick was right and it was just nerves. Maybe it would change everything. The hope kept him pliant under Nick’s hands. He squeezed his eyes shut, listening to a bottle lid snap shut and a few groans as Nick lazily tugged himself off.

A hand pushed his knees up, spreading his legs and before Harry could think, a slicked up finger began to trace around his hole, once, before pushing in without warning.

He inhaled sharply at the intrusion, gripping the sheets for stability. It wasn’t too bad, slightly uncomfortable, but not painful at all. The finger pumped in and out a few times before a second was added, stretching his ring slightly wider and causing a slight burn as they pumped in and out relentlessly. Suddenly they were both gone with a smack, and the lube cap snapped again, before what Harry could only assume was 4 fingers breached him. He cried out at the pain, the burn becoming too much to handle, without any time to recover, but the fingers kept up their rhythm inside him, methodically widening him up, clearly not seeking to give him any pleasure from it. Harry felt like he was at the dentist or doctor, having to stay still and be strong while someone poked and prodded his body painfully, the only thing getting him through was remembering that it wasn’t going to last forever. What a way to think of your first time.

A few tears escaped his squeezed shut eyes, but he quickly wiped them away with his own hand, not wanting Nick to see him like this.

“Fuck you feel so tight around my fingers baby. Can’t wait to feel you around my cock. Fuck you want it so bad don’t you, so perfect for me.” The words tumbled out of Nick’s mouth as he pounded his hand into Harry, rocking him roughly into the mattress, limbs limp as a rag doll.

“Nick…. Nick please…. Stop it…” Harry could barely get the words out as he was a blur of pain and pleasure and fear and horniness.

“Stop? You ready for my cock already huh? Look at you begging for it. What a dirty little slut you are, begging for my huge cock.” Harry’s eyes widened at Nick’s degrading words. _What the fuck is happening?_ Nick seemed to be getting off on insulting Harry, which he just lay there, tears pooling. Wasn’t this supposed to me make up sex? Making love? Connecting? Being truly vulnerable with each other and knowing each other fully? He wasn’t one to kink shame submission or degradation, but they hadn’t discussed anything of the sort, and the words lay too close to their earlier argument.

Harry had meant stop everything, not stop just hands because he was desperate for the real thing, but it was too late to correct the misunderstanding. He heard the condom wrapper rip open and the lube cap click again, and he braced his body and mind for what was about to happen.

_Harry you are an adult, this is what adults do. You’re going to have to do it one day, might as well get over the hurdle now. It might be incredible! You’re missing out on what everyone else is doing, and loving. You’re missing out on a whole new level of pleasure. Forget Nick, that’s too complicated, just enjoy the sex. Pretend it’s sex with a stranger. People do that all the time! Just pretend it’s a hot stranger that you don’t need to be in a relationship with or talk to in the morning. Just relax, just let it feel good. Stop being a baby and just get into it._

A slippery trace around his rim was all the warning he got before Nick was pushing inside of him. It burned, same as the fingers, but this time he felt a fullness, a completeness that the fingers didn’t give him. It was uncomfortable, yet strangely warm and nice at the same time. Nick paused at the hilt, reaching down to drag Harry’s hands above his head, and pinning them there, eliminating the remainder of Harry’s control. He winced slightly in pain as Nick pulled out slightly, moaning obnoxiously, and thrusted hard into Harry, starting a relentless, frenzied pace. The tears brimming in Harry’s eyes began to fall, but Nick wouldn’t notice, his face buried in Harry’s shoulder as Harry stared at the ceiling. The slight pleasure he’d felt at the start was replaced with pure discomfort, as each pound into him felt like a punch in the guts. _How do people enjoy this shit?_ Harry decided he must have something wrong with him, loads of gay guys raved about dick as if it was some magical feeling, but all Harry felt was nausea and pain. _Okay, I guess I'm a top from now on then,_ thinking to himself that he never, ever, wanted to do this again. He didn’t even want to be doing it right now.

Suddenly Nick lifted himself up, freeing Harry’s hands from above his head and switched his angle. All of a sudden each thrust was sending jolts of pleasure through Harry’s body, and he let out a series of surprised moans, causing Nick to smirk down at him as if he was some sort of sex god. The pain all gone now and completely replaced with pleasure pulsing through his whole body, Harry instinctually reached out to cling onto Nick, wherever he could find purchase, ending up in his lap, rocking his own hips back and forth to chase that spot inside of him. _This is what it’s meant to be!_

In this position, with the two frantically slapping into each other in the heat of the moment, Harry found Nick’s eyes. He looked into them, and didn’t see the things he craved to. He saw no sincerity, no love, no trust, no nothing. All his talk from earlier about connection, bonding, closeness, was all a lie. It hurt too much to look into the empty eyes in such a moment, so he slammed his face into Nick’s neck instead. _Stranger sex. You don’t know this man, and you never have to see him again._ He repeated to himself. The hot room’s only soundtrack was the smacking of their bodies against each other, punctuated with the occasional curse, or moan, until Nick picked up the pace even further and cried out.

“Harry, yes, Harry I’m gonna come baby! You’re so good for me, fuck.” His voice unusually high and desperate sounding. Harry could admit it was nice to hear that he was the one making Nick come apart.

A particularly hard thrust had Harry losing all his inhibitions and bit into Nick’s neck, which elicited a loud “OH FUCK” from Nick, as he was sent over the edge, body going soft in Harry’s arms as he writhed in pleasure. Harry held him through it, his own pleasure plateauing from the lack of stimulation as Nick stopped moving. In an effort to reach his own climax Harry reached for himself, roughly pulling as pre come trickled into his palm. It was uncomfortable and depressing, still in Nick’s lap, with his soft dick still inside, wanking himself because his boyfriend was couldn’t spare a second thought for his pleasure. The situation wasn’t exactly orgasm inducing, but reaching into his fantasy wank-bank for some mental images, he only needed a few more tugs before he came into his fist, careful not to spill any on the sheets. Nobody needed to know if a certain straight guy’s bum flashed across his mind.

As he came down from his own high, he felt Nick pull himself out and disconnect their bodies, before padding off to the bathroom. Harry thoughtlessly ran his sticky hand through his hair without thinking, then wiped the rest on his stomach, and followed Nick. He waddled into the bathroom, eyeing the tied off condom in the rubbish basket, to see Nick was taking a piss. Feeling suddenly domestic and loving, he walked over to Nick and placed kisses along the back of his shoulders.

“Are you going to shower?” He whispered between kisses. Harry had to say the romantic moment was soured by the sound and smell of Nick’s piss, but he’ll take what he can get. He flushed and turned to face Harry.

“Nah, I’m so tired. You wore me out you sexy minx. Who knew you had it in you. Such a dirty boy.” Nick gave his bum a playful slap, which made Harry wince in pain as he forced out a laugh.

“Well this dirty boy, is actually a dirty boy, so I might shower, if you don’t mind.”

“Whatever, just not too long, hot water is crazy expensive and I don’t need you wasting my money on your ridiculous hair routine.” Nick snapped, closing the door leaving a sore, dry-cum-covered Harry, staring at his own reflection in the full length mirror that hung on the back of the door.

Suddenly feeling self conscious and dirty, he turned the shower onto cold, scared to used any of the apparently sacred hot water, and let the chill seep into him as it rinsed his skin clean. The cool clarity and time away from Nick gave him time to think about what just happened. There were moments where he felt like he would have paid good money to be anywhere else, there were moments he felt scared of Nick, or scared to say no, but equally there were moments of pure ecstasy that he hadn’t experienced before, and a freeing feeling of knowing he had experienced his important, adult thing. And it was not as bad as he had heard, pain wise. Just a little burn. _And I bet it would have hurt less if he’s slowed down for a fucking second._ But regardless, he felt like he was in no place to complain, he did get into it in the end, and it was really good. A little bit of a disappointing finish though, having to get himself off, but a small price to pay for seeing Nick so fucked, and knowing he caused that. It was kind of powerful.

He grabbed a bottle of 3-in-one and lathered it into his curls, knowing they would be frizzy and dry from the crap product but he was low on options, and clean, frizzy hair is better than crusty cum hair. He rubbed the remaining suds all over his body, going extra gently around his tender rim to get rid of excess lube. He was quite sore, inside and out, hoping that the reminder of tonight would be gone by the morning. Harry bent down to do his lower legs, when he noticed an unfamiliar bottle standing in the corner on the tiled shower floor. He picked it up, curious, recognising a luxury brand name on the bottle, one he wished he had the cash to splurge on for his own curls. That was interesting, Nick usually didn’t give a shit about his hair, let alone buy expensive products for it. Weird. He read out loud to himself: _Nourishing mango, coconut and Argon oil conditioner for colour-treated hair._ He laughed at that. Nick could be so careless, probably paying extra by accidentally picking one for dyed hair. _Can’t hurt though, better than the 3-in-one_ Harry reasoned as he squeezed out a dollop, running from mid lengths to ends as per his usual routine. He rinsed the excess under the cold spray, shivering, teeth chattering he decided it was time to get out. He tied a towel around his hips, and another into a towel turban, and reentered the bedroom, feeling a millions times better than he had before. Sure, the sex hadn’t been anything like what Nick had promised, but he felt weirdly accomplished, like he’d ticked off a box on his “adult stuff” checklist.

Nick was in bed, presumably asleep, and Harry was ready to climb in, but he had to go back into the kitchen to get his backpack, and picked up Nick’s discarded clothes on the way, folding them into little squares and placing them on his chest of drawers for Nick to put away in the morning. He pulled on his own underwear, grabbed his toothbrush, and went back into the bathroom to do his teeth. He released his curls from the turban, shaking them a little to get out any excess drops, and marvelling in the strength of the coconut and mango scent in his hair. He smelt like a tropical island, and he was loving it. A nice alternative to his usual favourite: strawberry. Now clean and dry, Harry waddled back over to the bed, tucking himself in beside Nick, who rolled over to be big spoon.

“Told you you’d get into it after a while.” Nick teased, clearly having noticed more of Harry’s hesitant body language than he’d let on.

“Yeah, I did. I’m sore though. You were kinda rough.”

“That's how I like it. You were so tight, fuck, you felt so good. You’ll only get better at it though. We’re still in the kiddie pool. Training wheels. Still lots for you to learn. But tonight was a good start.” Nick was always so good at making Harry feel like a baby. As if any of his feelings or opinions were irrelevant because he’s a virgin. Well, _was_ a virgin.

Nick took a deep breath of Harry’s hair, settling in to sleep.

“Whats that smell?”

“I think it was mango and coconut. It’s nice isn’t it?” Harry mumbled, sleep ready to take him.

"You know I don’t like fruity smells babe. And this one’s even worse than your usual” Harry turned around, frowning, confused.

“This ones yours silly. I borrowed it in your shower.”

“I would never buy that smell Harry. It must be yours.”

“Nope it’s not mine. Nick you must have just skimmed past the label. You need to start paying attention! You know it says for colour treated hair as well? You probably paid extra for that by accident!” Harry laughed sleepily, turning back around to nestle into Nick’s big spoon.

Nick didn’t say anything, so Harry continued.

“But don’t worry, I’m sure they just put the same thing in all those bottles and then change the labels and prices. It’ll be fine to use on natural hair. I’m actually proud of you for venturing away from the 3-in-one, you’re probably the only gay guy that uses it!”

“Yeah, haha… that’s what I was thinking…. about time I started using real shampoo”

“Conditioner, silly. The one that hydrates your ends. You’d only need like the tiniest bit actually with how short your hair is, it’s not good to use on your roots and scalp.”

“Right… that’s what I meant.”

“Will you use it? Even thought you hate the smell?”

“Nah I’ll probably chuck it. I’d give it to you but I don’t like it on you either.”

Harry turned back around. “That's such a waste!”

“It's fine Harry! It’s just conditioner.” Nick insisted almost angrily.

“Nick! That’s a $75 dollar bottle of conditioner! I refuse to let you throw it out! I can’t believe you spent that much on a product, let alone one that you didn’t even read the label of.”

All of a sudden it all clicked in Harry’s mind. There’s no way a frugal, broke student who has short, natural hair would spend that insane amount of money on a product he doesn’t know how to use, hates the smell of, and is made for colour treated hair. Not even by accident. Harry’s face fell.

“It's not yours is it.”

“Of course it is, I just thought I’d treat myself to a nice product. You’re right baby, I should read the label more carefully” Nick pulled Harry in tighter, stroking his back, but Harry pushed out of his arms.

“Don't lie to me Nick, Whose is it?” Harry asked, face steady and stern, except for his wobbling lip.

“Okay fine it’s Corey’s, but I can explain Harry. He was just using the shower. Nothing else happened.”

“Then why did you lie? Why play along that it was yours?”

“Because it was easier to explain plus I knew you’d think something happened when it didn’t.”

“So explain then. What’s the story.”

“He came over after work, we were doing our Broadcasting project, you know we had to do that one in partners. Anyway then in the morning he just asked if he could shower and I said okay. That’s it!”

“So he stayed over?”

“Yes, but we didn’t plan it, it just got late and I said he could crash, but I slept on the couch!”

“And he brought a full size bottle of expensive conditioner to come and work on your broadcasting project?” Harry challenged, leaving Nick speechless.

“Wh-….. But… I don’t know Harry! I don’t know why he had it but I swear to you…” Harry extracted himself from Nick’s clutching arms and got out of the bed, aiming for his backpack.

“Harry!” Nick scrambled to get up after him, but Harry was already pulling on his clothes. He swatted away Nick’s arms trying to grasp around him and keep him there. He faced away, not allowing Nick to see how hurt he was in his expression.

“Harry, wait, please! Look at me! Please! It was just one time, and we were basically broken up, last week we weren’t talking, we were on like a break thing so it didn’t mean anything! You could have slept with someone else too! I would be fine with that! Do you want a free pass? Harry I’ll let you sleep with anyone you want to pay me back. Please!”

He grabbed the last of his things and walked straight through the apartment, flinging open the door and pulling it shut behind him, knowing Nick wouldn’t follow him into the hall naked and risk being seen by the other students as the desperate, cheating, scum that he was.

Harry was furious. He stormed down the stairs, his hurt feelings from before now transformed into pure rage. How dare Nick make him follow those crazy rules and cheat? How dare he accuse Harry of cheating as if it was the worst thing in the world, only to do it behind his back? He didn’t believe for a second that it was just the one time. But he didn’t care! He didn’t want to know more! He just wanted Nick out of his life. He was mostly pissed at himself for not realising what an asshole he was dating sooner. And for believing all the rubbish he was spurting earlier about “making love”. How did he let Nick manipulate him into sex when he knew he didn’t want to do it yet! Now all he had to show for his first relationship was a sore ass and trust issues.

_Fuck him. Fuck everything. I need Gems._

He glanced at his phone screen, nearly 3am. _Great._ He thought. Busses stop running at 1. Now he had to hike back to the tower with his aching bum, only 8% left on his phone, no headphones, and only his thoughts to keep him company. He wallowed in his own stupidness the whole way home, sticking to well-lit main roads for the 45 minute walk. About 10 minutes in it started to spit. Nothing you’d get your umbrella out for, but just enough to leave his clothes damp and and his mood even damper by the time he reached BJ.

He walked in, head down, and started up the winding stairs before he collided with a small body. Harry watched a packet of cigarettes fall to the floor, spilling down the stairs before he looked up to their owner.

“Shit, fuck, sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Louis apologised, grinning at Harry.

“Hey Lou, no, my fault, I wasn’t looking.” Harry tried to hide his defeated tone, but failed, opting instead to busy himself picking up the fallen smokes that had scattered down to the foyer.

“What are you doing out so late?” Louis asked softly, as if he’d just remembered it was supposed to be “quiet hours” in the halls on week nights.

“Just coming back from Nick’s” Harry explained, focusing on the cigarettes to avoid looking Louis in the eye.

“Damn. He wouldn’t let you stay till the morning? You’d think you were just a quick fuck and not his boyfriend. Jesus.”

“Ex.”

“Hmm?”

“Ex-boyfriend.” Harry confirmed, slotting the last cig back into its packet and facing Louis, with red rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks.

“Oh? Oh... Shit. Tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I’m not.”

“Shit. Okay then. Do you want a hug or something?” Louis offered awkwardly, making Harry laugh at his attempt at comfort.

“No it’s okay, don’t want to get you wet.”

Louis looking him up and down at Harry’s quickly drying clothes.

“Still raining?”

“Just stopped.”

“Good.” Louis took the cigarette pack from Harrys outstretched hand and gestured towards the door. “Wanna join me?”

Harry opened his mouth to say he didn’t smoke, but something made him close it again, nodding and following Louis outside. They headed around to just outside the campus, picking a concrete ledge near a street light to sit. Harry was thankful they didn’t walk far, he was still quite sore from earlier. The street was dead quiet, not a single car in sight, and only a few drunk students stumbling back to campus disrupting the peace. Louis pulled out a cigarette and offered it to Harry.

“No thanks, I’m okay” Louis cocked an eyebrow, so Harry explained. “I just wanted some company.”

Louis nodded, placing the cigarette between his own lips, before lighting up and taking a long drag.

“Do you go for a 4am smoke every day?” Louis shook his head.

“Nah, couldn’t sleep. Feel like my mind never shuts up sometimes. Like theres no off switch. I don’t know.”

“Overthinking.” Harry mused.

“Yes. Overthinking. Going over everything that’s happening, or happened, or is going to happen. Ever different scenario. Feels like you're going crazy. “ He sucked at the stick purposefully.

“I promise I’m not crazy” He continued “Just this week had been mad with school and all the new people. D’you know what I mean”

“Yep.” Harry nodded. They sat in silence for a beat as Louis breathed out a steady stream of smoke into the cool night air. Harry shivered, teeth clacking as the crisp breeze met his damp clothes.

“Hold this” Louis held out his cigarette, waiting for Harry to take it before shrugging off his sherpa lined denim jacket and handing it over.

“You sure?” Harry asked, already pulling the jacket over his shoulders.

“Smoke keeps me warm.” Louis held his hand back out, fingers beckoning for the cigarette. But Harry raised it to his own lips, getting an eyebrow raise from Louis. He'd had only ever had a few cigarettes at parties as a teen, but wasn’t a stranger to smoking a joint, so he inhaled expertly, frowning a little at the foreign taste, but breathing as it took the edge off what had been a disaster of a night.

“Thought you didn’t smoke?” Louis inquired, clearly expecting a first time coughing fit.

“Don't smoke cigarettes.” Harry clarified with a smirk.

“Ohhh I see. Nice. We should get high sometime. Just not in the dorms, I think Liam would kick me out. For the second time.”

“Second time?”

“Oh my god, I forgot they didn’t tell you!” Louis laughed, taking the cigarette back and taking a drag.

“Who? Tell me what!”Harry was getting excited at the secret, getting a little buzz from either the nicotine or Louis’ laughter. Or both.

“Oh wow you’re gonna laugh at this. Okay so remember the first day we met?”

“Yeah you were in my room when I came back from work all gross. I can’t believe that’s how you were introduced to me!”

“You looked fine! But you barely spoke, but then you met us later at Brickhouse. And you were all dressed up”

“With Nick.” Harry furrowed his brow.

“Yeah. Anyway, so you were sitting kind of across from me and I was staring at you, and then I took a massive gulp of my drink for some reason and it was so strong, those quaddy voddy redbulls are absolute killers, and I just felt so sick and grossed out all of a sudden. I think the vodka just went straight to my brain and I was just not in the mood anymore, so I got up really quickly and like left.”

“Yeah you did actually. I remember. So what, did Liam try to kick you out for vomiting all over his bed or something?”

“Oh my god no! I think he actually would still let me stay if I did that, this was much more of a principle thing.”

“Okay tell me!”

“So, he basically thought I was like super homophobic, because he and Niall saw me watching you and Nick together, and then say it was making me sick or something, and then storm off. But I was talking about my drink!”

“Oh my god that’s hilarious!”

“I know. But at the time I was scared shitless trying to explain myself. He had the room swap papers and everything.”

“So he was going to make you move out because he thought you were homophobic? That’s really sweet of him. Like, good on him. That’s nice.”

“Yeah. He’s a good lad.”

“So… why were you staring at me then?”

“Hmm?”

“If it wasn’t me being gay that bothered you, then why were you staring?”

Louis was caught off guard, taking a sharp drag of his cigarette as he tried to think a way to explain his fascination with Harry's face.

“I was just looking at your face.”

“My face?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I think I was already a bit tipsy. I was probably just staring into space honestly, and your face happened to be there.”

“Well, was it a good view? Even if it was by accident?”

Louis punched his arm.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what!” Harry giggled.

“Fishing for compliments! You know you’re pretty! You don’t need me to say it for god’s sake.”

Harry burst out laughing, clapping his hand over his mouth to quieten his roars. Louis stamped out his cigarette onto the pavement, suppressing his own chuckle.

“Come on, lets go back, it’s getting late” Louis started back towards campus with Harry following.

“Getting late? Cos it wasn’t late when we left at quart to four?”

Louis flipped him off. “You think you’re so funny don’t you.”

“Cos I am. I tell the best jokes.”

“Go on then.”

“Okay. Why couldn’t the flower ride his bike?”

“This is so dumb” Louis laughed, shaking his head, but Harry can him an incredulous look. “Fine, tell me Harry, why couldn’t the flower ride his bike?”

“Because his petals fell off.” Harry burst out laughing, and Louis couldn’t help but laugh at Harry’s laugh.

“That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard.”

“You laughed!”

“I was laughing _at_ you! Not at your joke. Now you’ve just proven once and for all that you’re not funny.”

Harry fake pouted for a minute, before nudging Louis in the ribs.

“You might not think I’m funny, but at least you think I’m pretty.” Louis shoved him into a bush as Harry cackled, quickly righting himself and jogging to catch back up to Louis.

“Are you ever going to let that go?”

“Nope" Harry replied, popping the “P”, and stepping ahead of Louis to swipe them into their building. They climbed the stairs in a comfortable silence until they reached the landing of the first floor.

“This is me.” Harry pointed to his corridor, even though both of them knew Louis knew exactly where his room was.

“Oh, yeah, right. I’m up on 3.” Louis motioned lamely towards the ascending stairs.

Harry yawned. “I better go, I have class tomorrow morning.”

“Same. Ugh… I might… Actually, do you want to skip together?”

“Yep.”

“Cool, see you then.” Louis started to walk up the stairs, to avoid any sort of weird hug/handshake interaction.

“Wait.” Harry stretched his long legs to take the stairs two at a time to catch up. He held out Louis’ jacket.

“Oh, thanks.”

“Night" Harry turned to head back down.

“Do you want to come to my room?” Louis burst out suddenly. Harry paused, turning back to Louis, eyebrows raised.

“Liam's home tonight, I thought you might want to sleep in his bed so Niall doesn’t wake you up when he goes in the morning. Uninterrupted sleep until whenever we want.”

“He won’t mind?”

“Nah, come on.”

“Okay.”

The boys headed up to Louis’ room, where he fished around in his drawer to throw a t-shirt at Harry, before turning around to strip off. While that might have made Louis feel more comfortable, all it did for Harry was give him an eyeful of Louis’ bum. Which made the front of his jeans positively _uncomfortable._ He’d admired it before, respectfully of course, but Louis didn’t make it easy, favouring low-hanging t-shirts and sweats that didn’t do it justice, but now it was right in front of him, just in a pair of white trunks, which did nothing to hide its movements as he bent over and stepped out of his sweats. Harry was momentarily frozen, mesmerised, but snapped back into reality when Louis turned back around and he was still holding the t-shirt, staring at Louis.

“Shirt too small?” Louis asked, and it took everything in Harry’s power to not glance downwards at his package that was now proudly facing him in its pouch.

“No no it’s fine!” He hurried to pull his own shirt off and the borrowed one on, frantically struggling out of his jeans as Louis got ready for bed, clearly unbothered, plugging his phone in and climbing into his bed. Harry followed suit, getting into Liam’s bed. He subtly smelt the band tee Louis had lent him ( _Oasis,_ Harry noted, _good taste)_ and got an endearing mixture of eucalyptus, mint, cigarettes, hairspray and a trace of B.O. _Stop being creepy Harry,_ he told himself, but allowed the scent to wash away the mango coconut stain in his mind. A scent forever ruined.

“Hey, you still awake?” Louis whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Um. Just, I am sorry about whatever happened with Nick.”

“Dont be.” Harry sighed. “Honestly, the whole thing was a mess. I’m glad to be done with him.”

“Hmm. DO you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Sorry.”

“Okay. Goodnight.” Louis replied, and Harry heard sheets rustling as the other boy rolled over in his bed. They lay in silence for a minute.

“He cheated on me.” Harry choked out.

The sheets rustled again, and Harry could see Louis sit up to face him in the moonlight leaking in under the blind.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Harry. I’m so sorry. That’s really fucked up. What a wanker.”

“A total wanker.” Harry laughed, blinking back a tear.

"Complete and utter tosser” Louis returned.

"Absolute prat”

"Knob head"

“Bellend"

“Pig”

“A vile, arrogant, racist, selfish, lying, manipulating, controlling pig.” Harry let out a proper sob. Nick had really hurt him, even if he was over him and glad to be done, he’d been cruel, and Harry felt like utter crap at how he let Nick treat him.

“Jesus. Son of a bitch.”

Harry rolled over into his pillow in an attempt to contain his sniffles. He wasn’t having a proper cry, just a little weep as he felt sorry for himself. The tiredness wasn’t helping either, and the tears flowed embarrassingly quickly onto Liam’s pillow.

“Hey, come here.” Louis offered, Harry turned to see he had shuffled over and was patting the spot next to him on the bed. “You need a hug.”

Harry wasn’t too proud to accept that he did need a hug, so he pushed himself out of bed and padded over to Louis, sitting on the edge of the bed as Louis pulled him into an embrace from where he was sat up, legs still under the covers. It was a little awkward in the twisted position, but the Louis’ tight grip gave him the comfort he needed, and it felt so good to hold him properly in his own arms, where he seemed to fit perfectly. As they broke apart, Harry made to get up.

“No, stay. I’ll hold you.”

“Louis you don’t have to. I’m fine, really.”

“Come on. I want to. I think I need a cuddle as much as you do right now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now get in.” Louis held back the corner of his covers for Harry to get in, and he automatically positioned himself with his back towards Louis, shuffling back into him, ready to be little spoon. As soon as he did so, he panicked that he’d read the situation wrong and that he was being weird, but when an arm settled around his waist, pulling him in closer, he breathed out.

“Did you change from your strawberry smelling shampoo?” Louis asked, breathing in Harry’s hair, who couldn’t help but grin to himself that Louis knew what his hair usually smelled like. But the cute moment tasted a little more sour when he remembered it was the smell of Corey’s product.

“No, just used it once. I’ll be back to strawberries in the morning.”

“Good, I love the strawberry one.” Louis yawned, and Harry followed suit. “Goodnight Curls”

“Goodnight Loubear”

“Night pretty” Louis whispered back, almost inaudibly, so Harry pretended not to hear.

As he drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but compare how just a few hours ago, he’d been in this exact position with another man, ready to go to bed, when the problems begun. Actually, that was a lie. The problems had already well and truly begun, Harry was just blind to them. Or choosing to ignore them for the sake of being in a relationship. And now, he felt safer than ever in the arms of his new friend, too tired to evaluate whether what they were doing was a friendly thing to do, a thing that any straight guys would do with each other. Maybe he was just overthinking it because he liked boys. _Louis is probably thinking nothing of this,_ he thought. The small hand that had settled on Harry's tummy rested against his elbow softly, and there was a solid warmth of Louis chest pressed to his back that cocooned him in a little bubble of Louis. _I could get used to this,_ was his final thought before sleep consumed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I love all 1009 of you! 
> 
> My tumblr link for visuals: https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com
> 
> All the love, A x


	9. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people! 
> 
> Check out the visual for this chapter (it's hyperlinked at the start), I think it gives a nice reference, and this one is particularly good if I do say so myself.
> 
> This chapter contains some Elounor (which, vomit, obviously), but it's all part of the bigger picture. More importantly, this chapter has rockstar Harry singing 1D, so I think you'll forgive me for the Elounor moments.
> 
> Okay that's enough from me. Enjoy!!!! :))

LOUIS

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/640265679170420736/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-eight)

Louis woke up alone. He sat up to stretch, and nope, no Harry in sight. He look down at the space where the other boy had been laying, placing his hand absentmindedly on the mattress. Still warm, he’d only just left. Why did he leave? Had Louis done something dumb? Made him uncomfortable? Maybe he thought Louis was being a total perv trying to cuddle with him. Maybe he hated him and never wanted to see him again. Fuck. Last night had been… confusing. Louis knew he loved Harry, obviously. His heart burned when he saw how hurt and angry he was. There were moments he looked truly broken, but he passed it all off with some logical reasoning, and some humour, but emotions aren’t logical. Louis knew that. So even if Harry could rationalise why he was fine, why he was glad to be rid of Nick, Louis could tell that he wasn’t fine. He just hoped that his lame attempts at comforting him actually helped.

Remembering what happened, he felt almost guilty. Did he invite Harry in bed because he wanted to comfort him and help him, or did he do it because he couldn’t go another minute without touching him, because he had a weird urge to hold him. He was a self serving prick. But that didn’t explain the _why._

Why was Louis absolutely unable to tear his eyes from Harry’s tatted torso as he changed? Why did he get a weird feeling in his tummy seeing him in his Oasis top? Why did he imagine Harry’s milky thighs wrapped around him, tracing the tiger tattoo? Why was he overthinking every point of contact between their bodies as he fell asleep, making sure to not move an inch in case it made Harry shift away from him? Why did he call him pretty? He couldn’t deny that any of these things were true, he just couldn’t explain them.

_You’re touch starved Louis. Intimacy starved. You need a girlfriend. Or at least a fuck. You think Harry’s pretty because he’s kinda girly looking. His long hair is confusing you. He’s the closest you’ve got to a girl, so your mind is fucking up._ Yeah, that made sense. That explained it. He ignored the thoughts int he back of his mind that reminded him of all the manly things about Harry that he’d indulged in, his chest, his broad shoulders, his musky scent, his huge, strong hands, his deep voice. Nope, those were irrelevant. He moved into the warm patch Harry had left, snuggling into it only slightly and grabbed his phone. 10:30am. Not a bad sleep in at all.

— — —

_hey elanor, sorry im a shit texter. i’m cool with getting a drink, maybe tonight? you pick a place. im not fussy._

_— — —_

Easy peasy. Hopefully she’ll be a little less annoying than the other night, and he can focus on trying to be interested in what she was saying. He smiled to himself, excited for his weird feelings for Harry to go away when they were replaced by what he actually needed. He thought about having sex again for the first time in ages. He didn’t exactly miss sex, not the shitty club bathroom sex he’d had, but he could admit having someone else get you off is a lot more relaxing than doing it yourself. But his morning wood was straining his underwear, and his hand found the outside of his briefs, squeezing a little to relieve some of the pressure. He paused for a second. He hadn’t wanked in his dorm before, having a roommate and all, so it had been quick shower sessions since he’d arrived at school. But Liam wasn’t here, and he wasn’t coming back till tomorrow, so he pulled his t shirt over his head, pushed the duvet off and his briefs down, and began to pump slowly.

Since he had the luxury of time, privacy _AND_ a bed, he was gonna take his sweet time. He dragged his thumb over his tip, spreading drops of precome over his shaft. HIs eyes fluttered closed at the sensation. Not much of a porn guy, but he also didn’t really have much imagery to pull from his mind to help him out. He usually just tugged one out with his mind blank, focusing on the physical, but since he had time, he wanted to do it properly.

_What are some hot celebs that guys usually think about?? Megan Fox? Emma Watson? Scarlett Johansson? Mila Kunis? Fuck._ Stressing about who he was meant to be picturing was already making him soft. Better to just imagine in abstract. Imagine touch. Imagine someone being there. There we go, that was working better already. His hand quickened slightly, stopping only for a second to spit into his palm before continuing. He pictured nameless lips in place of his hand. Nameless long hair falling onto his legs. He grabbed his thigh with his hand, imagining the brown curls bouncing up and down in front of him. He squeezed his eyes further shut, moaning at the mental image of plush, pink lips bobbing up and down on his cock, tongue licking and swirling like he’d never truly experienced. His hand was working out of control, frenzied jerks as he got close to his climax. His imaginary lover suddenly opened their eyes, and the moment Louis saw they were emerald green he was coming all over his hand and stomach, jolting in ecstasy, making the cheap headboard creak a little in protest.

When he finally came to, he felt rather smug, almost dirty, that he’d just gotten off only a metre away from where Liam was about to sleep. Weird. But also proud that he’d not even dirtied his sheets. Win. He popped up off his bed to the sink, grabbing a cloth and cleaning himself off. He should probably shower, but he was still a little hazy, and thought he might just go back to bed for another few minutes of sleep. All clean, he pulled on some clean undies and a pair of trackies and admired himself in the mirror. He was flushed, hair mussed, and eyes glassy. He smirked at himself, and cracked some weird finger guns at his reflection, just as the door pushed open.

“Oh, sorry! Wait, are you checking yourself out?”

“No!” Louis looked from Harry to the mirror and back, his hands reaching for his messed up fringe in a hopeless attempt to right it. “What are you doing in my room?!” He snapped. Fuck. He could not believe Harry was seeing him like this. Hopefully he didn’t notice how fucked he looked. He grabbed a hoodie off his floor and pulled it over his bare chest.

“Oh.. Um. I thought we were skipping together? Hanging out? Sorry did I misread…?”

“No no! I meant that. Just, I thought you’d left. Cos you weren’t here. Like when I woke up.”

“Sorry, I was just at the end of the hall. I was on the phone with Gemma. To talk. About you-know-who.”

“He who must not be named.”

“Exactly. Sorry, I thought you’d see my note.”

Louis frowned, but followed Harry’s pointed finger to his bedside table where a note on one of Louis’ black cue cards sat next to Harry’s watch. With Harry’s clothes folded in a pile to the side. And Harry’s shoes on the floor by the door. Of course he was coming back. Louis just needed to open his fucking eyes, no need for all that stress. Louis went over to the note, sitting on the bed to read:

_Hey Lou Lou, just going to call my sister for a bit to talk about everything. I’ll be back soon if u want to get breakfast together. Or you can go by yourself, obviously. - H_

_P.S, Pls don’t lock me out though, need my clothes back (yours are so tiny on me) -H_

Louis’ heart clenched as he looked back up to see the taller boy still standing sheepishly in the doorway. The Oasis top clung to his broad shoulders and stretched over his chest revealing the ripples of his abs through the fabric, sitting just above his hips to flash the leafy tattoos on his bones. He had found a pair of Louis trackies, black adidas, and way too short. They reached about 2/3 down his calves, exposing long, bony ankles with feet in Liam’s slippers. Louis figures his own were probably too small for his giant feet. It was awfully endearing. This huge man looked like he was wearing kids clothing, and he looked so soft and cuddly, Louis just wanted to pull him right back into last nights position and cuddle with him forever. Wait, what? _WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN? Get a grip. Can you just chill out for the rest of the day, and then tonight you’ll have a girl, and the Harry weirdness will be all forgotten._

“Louis? You okay? You’re kinda freaking me out with that look.” _Shit, he’d been staring. Time to be platonic and normal._

“Yeah bro! All good mate. Just thinking about me date tonight actually. You remember Eleanor?”

“Oh! A date… with Eleanor? I thought you were ignoring her texts?” Harry gave him a pained expression.

“Changed my mind, need a lay. Been too long. Plus, she’s hot.”

“Wow, okay. Sure. Have fun!”

“Oh I will dude. Bro. Pal.” Harry gave him a weird look. Maybe he’d gone too far on the friendly vibes.

“Okayyy. Well I was just gonna grab my stuff and go back down to my hall to shower and change. And then breakfast?”

“Meet you in 20?”

“Yep. See ya.” Harry gathered his stuff and pulled the door closed behind him. Louis couldn’t help but picture his little walk down the hall in Louis’ clothes, holding his shoes and clothes in his hand. Looking awfully like a "morning after" walk of shame. He giggled a little. His phone buzzed on the table. Harry. Why was he texting him?

— — —

_You’ve got jizz on your tracksuit pants, by the way. -H_

— — —

_FUCK._ Of course Harry noticed. His phone buzzed again. Eleanor.

— — —

 _Hiiiiiii Louis! No worries at all, I know how forgetful you boys are with your phones, hehe_ 😉 _. Meet me at Brickhouse at 9:30!!!! See you soon cutie_ 🥰

_— — —_

Perfect. Nice and late meeting time. _That means sex. I think._ Or if not, at least it means no sober making conversation over dinner, he could get some drinks into him and see how it goes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Louis and Liam were both sat at their desks after dinner punching out assignments on their laptops, the start-of-uni motivation not yet worn off. Louis quite liked having Liam as a roommate, because he was so organised and on top of his uni work, it was hard for Louis to slack when he had such a dedicated scholar rooming with him. Not that Liam pressured him to study, but just the tapping sound of Liam’s computer made him feel like getting off his phone and doing his own work. So unlike him.

An alarm went off on Liam’s phone. He silenced it and shut his laptop.

“Right, 10’oclock. That’s enough for tonight. ” Liam stood up to stretch, Louis eyes flicking briefly to his taught abs as his shirt lifted above his navel. _What? He’s allowed to admire._

“You set timers for this shit?” Louis reached for his own phone, to check his messages. Out of battery. He plugged it in, cursing.

“Yeah of course! Can’t be productive after a certain amount of time blah blah blah. Whatever. We’ve been working non stop since 8.”

Louis had never seen Liam so nonchalant about studying, but maybe he hadn’t been paying attention.

“Okay sure.” He shut his own laptop.

“Now,” Liam said, “Bed or beer?”

“What?”

“Well it’s a Thursday, I don’t have class tomorrow till 12, so I could go for a beer, but also it’s been a long week, so also wouldn’t mind just going to bed. So it’s up to you. Bed or beer.”

That was the other thing Louis loved about Liam. Liam always proposed everything as a group activity. Instead of saying he was going to do something and then inviting Louis, he always asked Louis what they were both going to do. It suited Louis just fine, he hated being alone, and doing everything with Liam was soon becoming habit. They were becoming almost like brothers.

“Do you not know me at all!” Louis laughed, grabbing his jacket. “I never say no to beer!”

Liam grinned. They grabbed their things and left, Louis leaving his phone to charge, ranting to each other about their respective assignments, chatting generally about uni. As they began the walk down Oxford St towards Brickhouse, Liam turned to Louis sheepishly.

“So, I haven’t told Niall this because he will kill me, but I’ve been talking to Sophia again.”

“Your ex?”

Liam nodded. “I mean to be fair, we didn’t really stop talking, just paused for a little bit, but its like a habit, you know? And it’s getting worse. Texting a bit has turned into constantly checking my phone. And facetiming when you’re asleep, or out, or whatever.”

“Well, I mean it’s healthy to be friends right?” Louis offered, no experience whatsoever in the area, no idea what to say.

“Yeah, that’s true.” Liam mused. “But we might have crossed a line.”

“You're not Skype fucking are you?”

“No! No Louis. I mean crossed a line emotionally. Like, I feel like, I couldn’t pursue someone else here while still talking like this with Sophia. Does that make sense? It wouldn’t be fair to them. And I think that says it all.”

“Hmm. Or, you could pursue someone to help you disconnect from her. You know? Out with the old, in with the new. But don’t take my advice. You know I’m shit in this category. Just a thought.”

“Like look for something casual?”

“Yeah, then maybe you won’t miss her so much. Or you’ll miss her in a different way. I don’t know.”

“You know, you might be right. Moving on physically is important, even if emotionally comes later.”

“Woooooooooo!” Louis cheered, grabbing Liam’s shoulders as they walked. “Liam's gonna pull!”

Liam gave a hearty Laugh. “Shut up Tommo. Not tonight. Tonight it’s just us. And Lewis and Ed I think are there too. But just the boys. No pulling.”

They stumbled along still holding each other and laughing, and Louis thought he’d never felt so free and open with another person before. Liam truly felt like the brother he never had. They got to Brickhouse, which was surprisingly crowded for a random Thursday, they even had to queue up for a minute at the door. Once in though, Louis’ stomach fell through the floor.

“Fuck. Shit. Motherfucker.” He cursed under his breath turning to Liam, who looked completely confused.

“I'm supposed to be on a date with Eleanor. Here. Now. She is here. Waiting for me. Now. Over there. Fuck.”

“Oh mate. You messed up big time.” Liam chuckled, giving Louis a sympathetic look.

“A proper cock up. I know. How did I forget about a date to study, of all things.”

“She looks annoyed too.” Louis turned back around to look at Eleanor, sitting alone in an intimate, 2 seater booth with a “reserved" sign on the edge. Her phone lit up her face, highlighting her pissed off expression.

“Fuck. Liam. What do I do? I was supposed to be here an hour ago. Should I run?”

“About 30 seconds ago, yes, but not now.” Liam looked a little scared.

“What? Why not now?”Liam cocked his head to the left just as a hand landed on Louis’ shoulder.

“Is it daylight savings in BJ Hall or something? I’ve been here an hour.”

Louis let out a small laugh, that was the first funny thing she’d actually said to him, but only because she was mad at him. Eleanor crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows as she scolded him. He kinda felt like he was being told by his mum to go to the naughty corner.

“Eleanor I’m so sorry. I was studying with Liam and we got caught up. Liam, back me up.”

“It’s true. We’ve been in our dorm since dinner. And Louis felt so bad when he realised he was late, practically ran here to see you.” Louis shot him a look. _No need to exaggerate there mate._

“And my phone died.” Louis added. “Been dead for ages. Left it in the dorm. So, if you called or something. That’s why. Sorry.” He fidgeted a little, kinda scared of her reaction. She stood at least an inch taller than him in her heels, and he felt a bit intimidated.

“Oh.. okay that makes sense! Well you’re here now!” She grinned, seemingly all forgiven. “But you’ll be paying for the cocktails I drank while I was waiting for you!” Louis eyed the several glasses at the table she came from. Fuck. He didn't budget for this. He kinda forgot dates needed money. Like enough money for two. Which he didn’t really bring. Or even have.

“Um.. sure. Why don’t you go and sit, and I’ll grab a drink. What are you having?”

“Cosmopolitan.” She turned, flipping her hair and shaking her ass a little as she walked away, almost tripping for a moment in her ridiculous heels. Louis couldn’t help but cringe. He grabbed Liam’s arm and dragged him to the bar.

“One Cosmopolitan and one of your tap lagers.” He ordered, then turned to Liam.

“Lad, I need a big favour. I’ll owe you, literally and figuratively.”

“Anything mate.” Liam placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“I need to borrow some cash. I only brought enough for a couple of beers for me, I didn’t think I’d be buying fucking cocktails. I’ll pay you back as soon as we're back.”

“No worries at all.” He grabbed his wallet, handing over a credit card.

“What? Li, I can’t take that. Just a couple of bills will do.”

“It's fine Louis. This way you’ll definitely have enough, it’ll impress her more than counting out your notes before each order, and then we'll square it up later. Much easier. Plus I don't carry cash.”

“So what are you going to pay with?”

“Apple Pay. Now pay for those and go get your girl.”

“What about you? Is anyone here?”

“Yeah actually massive table over there. Niall, Ed, Lewis, Barb, Car, Gig, Troye, some others I don’t know. I think a friend of Harry's?

"Harry?"

"Uhhhh.." Liam craned his neck to check again. "Nope can't see him. But everyone else is there. You’re missing out man.”

“Fuck. Don’t remind me.”

“I'm joking! You’re gonna get laid. That beats hanging with the guys a million times over.” Louis wasn’t so sure about that.

“Okay thanks Liam. I owe you massively. I love you.” He tapped the shiny card on the machine, waved to Liam, and grabbed the drinks to take over to Eleanor.

“Hi. This is yours.” He placed the drink in front of her, taking a seat in the booth. She shuffled into him, closing the distance so their thighs were touching. He laughed a little.

“So Louuuuuuis. I’m about 4 drinks in. So my standards are literally on the floor. Just to let you know. I’d make out with a tree right now.” Shit.

“Woah, slow down. Let’s get to know each other a bit first.”

“Such a gentleman!” She crooned, giving him a playful slap on his chest, her hand lingering on his shirt.

“Yeah… um so what are you studying.”

“Louis! I told you the other week! Media and Communications! Didn’t I show you my instagram page? Did you follow it yet?” She reached for her phone.

“No! I mean yes, you showed me. And I’ll follow you as soon as my phone charges. Sorry, I don’t use it much.”

“That's fine. But like and comment on my pics if you see them. Boosts my engagement stats. For promo.”

“Riiiight." Louis frowned, not really sure where to take the conversation. Better to start with basics. Universal stuff. "So, do you have any siblings?”

“Nope." Damn. Fallen at the first hurdle. "Do you?"

“Yeah a few.” Louis replied, not being bothered to go into his extensive family, and she didn't seem to care.

“Cool. So what first attracted you to me. Was it my eyes?” She batted big brown eyes topped with thick filse lashes at him. He winced slightly, shaking his head.

“My legs?” She extended a skinny, spray-tan-orange leg onto the couch seat.

“No.” He motioned for her to put her leg down. That was not sober behaviour.

“What then?” She asked, pouting. Louis scrambled for a response.

“Um. Your hair. Definitely. Long brown curls. Real nice.”

“Awwww thank you! The curls aren’t natural though, it’s dead straight. Takes ages to get it like this. A whole process. You wouldn't believe my hair routine Louis. Like seven different products. But you're right it's like one of my best assets, so like, gotta take care of it. I’ve actually been thinking of getting balayage actually? What do you think?”

Louis had absolutely no idea what "ballet arch” could be in terms of hair.

“Yeah definitely, that will suit you.” He forced out. She smiled. Okay. He could get through this.

Suddenly, the other end of the bar burst into applause around the stage, as a band entered. The area around the stage was quite crowded. Louis figured that’s what the queue must have been for. Live music. He thanked his lucky stars that he’d been given an out from the tedious conversation, but his jaw dropped when the front man stepped into the spotlight.

Flipping his curls backwards smoothly, Harry cleared his throat into the microphone.

“Testing, testing. 1,2. 1,2. Okay.” He chuckled into the mic, and the crowd cheered. And Louis could understand why. He looked insane. He had on a sheer black button up. Actually, button up was the wrong term for it, since it was barely buttoned up. It had maybe 2 buttons done up around his tummy, flashing his butterfly teasingly. The ridiculously tight skinny jeans also made an appearance, topped off with black heeled Chelsea boots. A simple look, but man was he making it work. Louis was almost drooling by the time he started to speak.

“Good evening to all of you lovely people joining us tonight. Thank you all for being here. We are Sarah’s Band, and we are going to be playing a few tunes for you tonight.” The crowd roars.

"If you aren’t here to see us, then I hope we aren’t too horrible and don’t ruin your night. If you’re here for us then welcome, and thank you again for coming. So, firstly, I’ll introduce us. My name is Harry, and I will be singing a little for you. Hopefully in tune, but we’ll see” The girls in the front row went wild, jumping hysterically as they screamed.

"On bass we have the incredibly handsome, and incredibly talented Adam Prendergast!” The crowd whooped as the guy strummed out a little melody, and gave a little wave. Harry continued.

“On keyboard and vocals the endlessly cool Ny Oh!” A girl with a peachy coloured mullet waved to the cheering crowd from behind the piano.

“On my left I have the lovely man who is the only one I’ll allow to rival my title of Best Hair, on guitar, Mr Mitchell Rowland.” A long haired guy, Mitch, played a tune as the crowd clapped for him too. He looked a little shy, not looking up at the audience.

“And last, but absolutely not at all least, our talented, incredible drummer, after whom the band is deservedly named, Miss Sarah Jones. Huge round of applause for Sarah please.” Whistles and hoots accompanied the cheers as Sarah did a little drum solo. Harry motioned with his arms for the crowd to settle down.

“Okay guys. The first song we are going to be playing is about persisting when things are tough, believing in yourself, and being grateful to those who support you. It’s called Drag Me Down.”

Another huge roar from the crowd. The opening notes sounded and Harry got up close to his mic stand, grabbing it confidently, full rockstar mode.

“I got a fire for a heart, I’m not scared of the dark, You’ve never seen it look so easy.”

Harry continued the song and Louis was unable to tear his eyes away. He looked like he belonged on stage. All signs of the shy, timid guy he’d witnessed before were gone, replaced by oozing confidence, dripping with sex appeal, and absolutely owning his rocker persona. Louis was positively drooling. But he actually couldn’t believe his ears as Harry belted out the final chorus.

“Nobody can drag me dooooooooooooown” He sang, riffing on the final word, descending down the scale effortlessly as Ny continued with “Nobody, nobody” in the background. Louis was shocked. He knew Harry was minoring in Music Performance. He knew he was in a band. But he certainly didn’t realise he had a voice like that. And he also had no idea he was performing tonight. _Why didn’t he tell me this morning? I would have come? How many other gigs have I missed?_ He didn’t have time to worry further, as fluro pink acrylic nails dug into his arm. 

“Good aren’t they. Kendall is obsessed with him. Biggest crush in the world. Too bad he has a boyfriend.”

Louis nearly blurted out “Not anymore” but stopped himself. Not his information to share.

“Yeah, really good.” Louis’ eyes still trained on the lead singer as the song ended and he started to speak over the applause.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. The next song is a little less deep, but I think you’ll enjoy it just the same. We’ve taken a page out of Queen’s book. Here’s Rock Me. Feel free to clap along”

The drums began and Harry stomped his feet and clapped along with the opening. Boom boom clap. Boom boom clap.

“Do you remember summer one nine, wanna go back there every night.” Harry continued.

Louis was transfixed once again as Harry picked up the mic stand as if it was a feather, holding it out to the crowd with one hand as he sang:

“I want you rock me.”

“Rock me, Rock me, yeah”

He had one hand behind his head, and the mic stand at hip height, and he was thrusting at it in time with the beat. _He’s literally miming getting a blowjob on stage? Is this allowed?_ Louis could not believe what he was seeing, but his jeans were starting to feel uncomfortable.

Eleanor tapped his arm. He noticed a few more empty glasses in front of her. She must have gotten up to get more drinks, and he hadn’t even noticed. She was sloppy, past the fun point of tipsy, leaning on his shoulder for support, and pouting.

“Louis. You’re looking at Harry like you should be looking at me.” She whined. _Crap. She was supposed to be the antidote to the Harry feelings, why did Harry have to be at the bar to fuck everything up._

“Let's get you some water.” Louis repositioned her head so it rested on the couch instead of him, and got up to get them water. He tapped Liam’s card to fix the bill, balking at the cost. _How many fucking cocktails could she have possibly had?_ He was gonna be hard pressed to pay Liam back and still have food this week. Fuck, he needed a job asap. He returned to her, not wanting any creepy guys to take advantage of her state. She was further slumped in the chair, her strappy top having fallen off one of her shoulders exposing her nipple. Shit. He pulled her in and fixed her top as she mumbled something incoherent, wrapping her arms around him. He reached for her phone, held her thumb to the touch id and went to her contacts book. Top of the list - Ashe. Perfect, her roommate. He dialed.

“Hey El, hows the date going?”

“Um, it’s Louis.”

“Oh hey Louis. is something wrong?”

“Kinda. we’re at Brickhouse and she’s really drunk. Like falling asleep drunk. I’m not sure what to do, I have no idea where her room is.”

“Crap. Okay, um. We’re in Slutter. Level 9, room 928. Does she have her key?”

“Uhhhhh…” Louis stalled as he grabbed her purse, finding her student card and a room key with 928 on it. “Yep. Got it. Thanks Ashe.”

“No worries. Keep me updated okay.”

“Sure, I’ll wait till you’re back.”

“Louis I’m in Edinburgh. I’m not coming back tonight.”

“Shit. Okay.”

“Call Kendall. She’ll help you.”

“Kendall? Okay, thank you.”

“Thanks Louis. Bye”

He hung up. Eleanor’s phone flashed low battery. Fuck. Harry’s voice caught his attention again.

“This next song, well I wasn’t planning on singing tonight, we haven’t rehearsed it, so the band doesn’t know it. Just Ny and I, we’ve done it once or twice. But I want to give it a go. It’s a cover, okay, and I’m not saying anything more.” He looked up at the band and saw that Harry was looking directly at him. He gave him a huge smile, radiating pride at his friends amazing performance, but Harry returned a melancholy half smile, that didn’t reach his eyes. Louis frowned.

The pianist played a few chords as the rest of the band sat down to rest, before Harry’s treacly voice came in with the lyrics.

“I got a girl crush, hate to admit it, but, I got a heart rush, and it ain’t slowing down.”

Weird song for a gay guy to choose, one about crushing on a girl, but whatever. The crowd had turned on their phone flashlights and were waving their arms in the the air, swaying in time with the slow beat. Their eyes stayed locked.

“And I got it real bad, want everything she had, her smile and that midnight laugh, she’s giving you now.” _Hang on a minute_. _Who’s the you, if the girl is the she?_

“I wanna taste her lips, yeah cos they taste like you. I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume.” Harry’s eyes had still not wavered from Louis, and a few people had turned around to see who he was staring at, but Louis barely noticed them, mesmerised by the man on the stage.

“I want her long brown hair, I want her magic touch, yeah cos maybe then you’ll want me just as much, yeah I got a girl crush.” Louis suddenly realised what the song meant. Harry wanted to have what the girl had, so that the guy would like him instead. He’s pining for a guy he can’t have. In the song, anyway. Not real life.

As the song continued, Harry and Louis eyes did not move from each other. His arms pulled tighter around Eleanor as she started to slip from his grip, and Harry seemed to notice. _Could it be that Harry’s singing about him? For him?_

The verse repeated. “I want her long brown hair.” And Louis thought to himself, _it's YOUR long brown hair. Your hair is the hair. Not hers._

_Fuck. What was he thinking._

The song ended with Harry still watching him. He couldn’t handle it anymore, and he had to get Eleanor home anyway. He pulled her up, put her arm around his shoulder, and grabbed her bag. She was just able to walk by herself, thank god, but leaning on him heavily. He used her phone to call an Uber, since he didn’t have his, and once it arrived, he helped her into the car. He dialled Kendall. No answer, so he typed out a text.

— — —

_hey kendall its louis tomlinson. we haven’t met i don’t think but I’m a friend of harrys. and elanors. anyway. i’ve elanor with me, she’s really drunk and i’m taking her to her room now to sleep it off. i called ashe but shes in fucking scotland. so can you meet me at their room and come take care of her. idk what to do with her. pls come asap. k thx_

_— — —_

Her heels looked uncomfortable, and her dorm was a fair walk from the campus entrance, so he made a split second decision to pull her feet onto his lap, fiddling with the ridiculously tiny buckles and straps, probably breaking one, until he got them off. He then reached down, untied his vans, pulled off his socks, and carefully slipped them onto her feet, for the first time in his life feeling grateful that he had such small feet, as they fit perfectly.

“Hehe that tickles Louis!” She squeaked as he grazed the bottom of her foot with the sock.

“Sorry love.” He pulled the other shoe on, tying up the laces, and pushing her legs off him.

The uber pulled up at the east gate, and he thanked the driver and pulled her out, juggling her shoes, phone and purse in one hand, and gripping her waist with the other, keeping her stable.

She walked a million times more easily in the sneakers, and he didn’t even care that the freezing asphalt poked his feet as they walked. She was babbling to him about something, but he’d zoned out. Finally, after only one wrong turn, he spotted the Slusher House sign. Finally.

He swiped her card at the door, and pressed 9 in the lift. He found her door, fumbled with the key for a minute, before letting them in, shutting the door behind him.

It occurred to him then that he had no idea which bed was hers, and in the dark, he really had no way of figuring it out. Who cares. He went to the right side, pulled back the covers and sat her down. He untied his shoes, pulled them off her feet, socks too, and debated what to do about her clothes. He couldn’t very well undress her, but they looked so tight and uncomfortable. He grabbed a T shirt that was hanging on the back of a desk chair and gave it too her.

“I'm gonna turn around if you want to put that on.” He turned.

“MmmrphthanksssLouiiiieee” He heard, along with the rustle of fabric and the snapping of elastic on skin. More shuffling, and the bed squeaked a little.

“Done?”

“Mmhmm” He turned back around. She was lying down in the bed, covers pushed to the end of the bed. T shirt was on, top on the floor, along with her skirt and a pair of lacy underwear. She was completely pantsless. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanted to see anything, and reached for the duvet to pull over her. Okay, she’s covered and tucked in. He pulled a metal clip out of her hair, and looked at her face. Lottie had drummed into him how important it is for your skin to take your makeup off before bed, and Eleanor didn’t seem like the kind of person to skimp on the self care.

“Hey. You got wipes or something for your face? For the makeup?”

“Mmm, blue packet” She gestured vaguely towards a desk, that had a mirror installed, making it look more like a vanity than the generic dorm room desk. He found the wipes, and came back over, kneeling by the bed. He held her face still with one hand, and wiped as gently as he could with the other. The cloth turned almost completely orange within just a few swipes. He grabbed another. And another. The process continued for an astonishingly long time, until the wipes were coming back clean, and her face and neck were pale, instead of orange. She honestly looked like a different person.

“Oi. El. What do I do with the eyes. Help me out.”

“Ughhhhheyesssss. Iiiihaaaaateeyessss. Buttyouuou havelikeeesuuuuuch preeeeeetty eyesss Louieeee theprettiesteyeseverrrrrrrr. Preeeetty bluuuuue”

“Um. Thanks” He frowned, but she reached for her lashes, peeling them off expertly despite her state. He held his palm open and she placed them gently.

“Onthedeskbutcanyoulikebecarefulthey'resooooooexpensive.”

“I got it. I’ve got sisters”

“Oooohmygoood thatssoooocooolll thatswhyyoureeelikesooooogoooodatthisssss” She mumbled, rolling over.

“Nope, still got black shit on.” He rolled her back over, grabbing another wipe to get her eye makeup off. Took a few goes, but with most of it off he was pretty satisfied. He swiped as her lips once, getting off the pale pink lippy she’d beed furiously reapplying, then placed the last wipe on top of the pile he’d made on the bedside table. She can deal with that tomorrow. She rolled over again, mumbling, and he pulled the covers up over her shoulder. She was gonna be fine, but he reached for her phone anyway. Where the fuck was Kendall? She didn’t seem to have read his text, so he tried calling again. Still no answer. He felt uncomfortable leaving her alone when she might wake up to be sick, so he resolved to wait until Kendall came. He plugged her phone into a random charging cord, and took a seat on the opposite bed, must be Ashe’s bed. He shrugged his jacket off, and propped up a few cushions behind his back as he leaned on the wall.

Without his phone to look at, his mind drifted to the performance tonight. Harry was incredible. He could even admit it was hot. It was! Anyone would say it was hot. Straight guys like himself. Gay girls. Asexuals. Anyone with eyes could see it was Hot. As. Hell. It didn’t mean anything that Louis thought so too. I mean, Harry was doing it on purpose. He knows he’s good looking, and he played that shit up, the confidence making him even sexier. Louis was allowed to be proud of his friend for owning himself and absolutely killing his performance. That’s all it was. Eleanor was wrong when she said he looked at Harry like he should look at her. He’d look at her the same way if she was in his place. He’d look at anyone that way if they did what Harry did. It had nothing to do with Harry. Although, maybe that was a problem. That Eleanor could be anyone. He wasn’t into her. He'd forgotten about their date. He'd barely looked at her all night. He knew the truth in his heart, she wasn’t it. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care about her. He cared enough to stay. He cared that she wouldn’t choke on her own vomit in her sleep. But he wasn’t sure how much further that extended. Not far.

His eyes began to droop as the long night hit him. He decided to just shut his eyes for a minute while he was waiting for Kendall. He didn't last long, and sleep soon consumed him, images of a certain rockstar flickering through his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope you enjoyed haha
> 
> Quick notes!:  
> I changed "summer ’09" to “summer one nine” (like ’19), in Rock Me because if the fic is in 2020, and Harry is 19, he would have been 8 in summer ’09. Lol. So he’s remembering his 18 year old summer. Hypothetically. Anyway :)
> 
> I also changed "long blonde hair" to "long brown hair" in Girl Crush, so that it matched Eleanor's hair, and made more sense to Louis' thinking.
> 
> Follow my tumblr to see the chapter visual before the chapter is uploaded! I'm always following back, love finding new Larrie pages :))
> 
> https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you all again. All 1194 of you! 
> 
> All the love, A x


	10. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! This is a loooooong one! We've got some jealousy, some pining, some soccer, some Doncaster, some Tomlinson family and of course our gorgeous boys being cute. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

HARRY

[chapter visual - tumblr link](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/641525257091661824/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-nine-visual)

Exhausted from last night’s show, Harry was ready throw his phone out the window when his alarm sounded at 7:30. Instead, he silenced it, and set a timer for 5 minutes, just enough time to wake up properly and check his messages without wasting too much time. First thing he checked was his messages with Zayn. Still no answer. He typed out another.

— — —

_Hey Z. Come on. I know you’re ignoring me, but I can’t work out why. Please let me know if I’ve done something. You know our friendship means the absolute world to me, and us not speaking is killing me. I want to fix this. And I need to tell you something. Something kinda big. I don’t want to do it over text. Can you please call me. I would say something like; “This is the last time I’m gonna ask, and then I’ll stop bugging you”, but we both know that’s not true. I’m going to keep bugging you till we are okay. So it’s up to you how long this goes on for. I love you Z. I hope you’re okay. I’m gonna call Saf soon if you don’t answer. Okay. I love you. -H_

— — —

Zayn had distanced himself from Harry over summer, he was on holiday in Pakistan with his family, then Harry was always in the radio studio, and then always with Nick, and Zayn never reached out. And neither did Harry. He just assumed they’d always be fine. But he’d texted and called multiple times now, for over a week, and no response. And he’d realised he didn’t even know what building Zayn was living in, let alone his room number. He’d been a shitty friend, but nothing deserving of total silence. He'd been an idiot, and wanted to apologise,and wanted to talk through all the Nick shit with him, but was running out of ways to get to him. He knew Safaa would tell him where Zayn's room was if he called, but that was the last resort. He just hoped that soon Zayn would let him fix this, and decided to wait until Sunday before he called Saf.

He replied to a few texts, noting that Louis had’t replied to his text about his jizz pants. Maybe that was too far for their friendship level. Maybe he’d embarrassed him. Fuck. He was such an idiot sometimes. He almost typed out an apology text, but decided that would just make things weirder. he decided to open instagram instead. He tapped through a few stories, replying to one’s that his friends had posted of his performance, he was so lucky to have such supportive mates, but his heart stalled as he tapped onto the next one.

[(instagram story visual)](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/641525222001033216/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-nine)

It was a photo of Louis, up close and in his face, his sleeping face. He looked like an angel, worry free and hair slightly messy, very cute. He looked at who posted it, and his mouth went dry. Eleanor. Fuck. He’d seen them cuddling during the show, even if Louis was staring at him the whole time, he still had her on his lap, and they left before his set even ended. _Couldn’t wait to get out and get their hands on each other._ He felt sick. And he had no right to. He had an uncontrollable feeling that Eleanor shouldn’t have the privilege of seeing Louis like that. Sleepy angel Louis. Now he was really about to chuck his phone out the window. Not to mention the reminder, or the confirmation that they’d slept together. Eleanor was practically bragging about it. She’d even given it a stupid cursive caption: “my tired boy 💕 💗💝”. Yuck.

He felt so stupid for making that split second decision to sing Girl Crush last night. When he’d whispered his idea to the band between songs, they’d looked at him like he had two heads. Even Ny was unsure about playing it with him, they’d literally only messed around with it in the studio once or twice. Not performance ready. But his heart was being tugged to sing it, so he did. And boy did he regret it. It was not worth the moments that he and Louis made eye contact, the moment he saw Louis’ face shift in understanding, as his eyes flicked to the girl in his lap and then back to Harry. And then immediately got up and left. Harry had practically announced his feelings for Louis, and Louis was clearly grossed out, and also on a date, and completely straight, and about to go back to the dorms to fuck his new girlfriend. It was the equivalent of throwing Harry’s words back in his face. He’d nearly cried on stage once Louis was gone, and cut his set short by a few songs, singing only a few more before calling it a night, not even staying for a drink before going back to his room and going straight to bed. But he felt anything but rested.

His timer went off. He silenced it quickly, not wanting to wake Niall, who got back after Harry was already asleep. He showered and got dressed, wanting to be comfy today he grabbed his Packers hoodie, and a pair of loose blue jeans, and his white vans. He grabbed his sticky notes off his desk and penned a note to Niall.

_Didn’t want to wake you, cos I’m not sure how late you were out, but I know you wanted to join me to study this morning, so if you want to come I’m heading to the bakery now. I’ll make you a coffee and breaky when you get there. Okay, see you soon. - H_

_P.S. It’s Aspirin. Just in case you got excited._

He left the note on Niall’s bedside table along with a glass of water, and the tablet on top. He wasn’t even sure if he’d need it, but he’d had quite a few beers, and Harry thought it best to be preventative than to wait for his bad mood to settle in later. Kill the headache as soon as he wakes. He grabbed his notebooks, pink Macbook and keys, shoved them into his canvas tote bag, plugged in his headphones, put Fleetwood Mac on shuffle, and softly closed the door behind himself.

He was looking at his feet as he walked, until he reached the front door of his building, looking up to open it. He pushed too hard as someone on the other side pulled it, and stumbled slightly as the person stepped back. Black vans. He looked up. Of course. Just his luck.

He was in last night’s clothes. He looked tired. His hair was as messy as it was in Eleanor’s photo. But he still looked like an angel. The whole thing was too much. Louis’ mouth opened and closed as he said something, but Harry wasn’t a lipreader, and was not in the mood to take his headphones off, so he just gave an awkward, classic white person tight lipped, close mouthed smile, and pushed past him. A bit cold, he could admit, but it was too early in the morning to deal with those feelings. He headed straight for the bakery with his volume all the was up, installing himself with his books laid out by the window with a cup of coffee and a plate of avocado toast. That should brighten his mood.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Harry and Niall had put in a good few hours of solid studying, and their stomach’s were rumbling for lunch. They agreed to do 30 more minutes before ordering some food. But their time was cut short, as someone pulled Harry’s headphones back off one of his ears. They both looked up, to see Kendall, Gigi, Barbara and Eleanor.

“Hey boys. Studying hard?” Kendall asked, her hand lingering in Harry’s hair from where she’d removed his headphones. He pulled them off fully, smiling up at her from his seat.

“Yeah actually, we’ve been super concentrated haven’t we Niall?”

“Yep. But due for a break actually. You ladies are just in time. Wanna have lunch with us?”

“Sure!” Barb answered. "We were gonna go sit at that booth over there, we just thought we’d come say hi first.”

“Perfect" Niall grinned at her.

“Let us just pack up our books and we’ll come sit.” Harry said, standing as he collected his stuff. The girls nodded, heading over to a large booth table.

“Fuck she’s so cute. Do you reckon she’s into me?” Niall asked, not even needing to specify who he was talking about. It was clear.

“Yeah she is. I think she could be mate, go for it. She seems really sweet.” Harry answered genuinely. From what he could tell, Barb was really down to earth, and not what you’d expect a model to be. Quite humble and reserved, but with a cheeky, fun streak. Harry thought her an Niall could be good.

“I think I might. Damn, I’ll have to pause my ethical player tendencies if I’m gonna try to get her though. Probably not a good look.”

“You have a point. Okay let’s go, you sit next to her and I’ll sit on the other side.” Harry gestured to the booth where Eleanor and Gigi had positioned themselves farthest away, with Kendall and Barb on the ends. He wasn’t stupid. He could tell the girls had worked out exactly how they wanted this to go down. But he was just glad he wouldn’t have to look at Eleanor, since she was on Kendall’s other side. Hopefully he could ignore her completely.

“So Harry.” Kendall piped up after Sarah had come to take their orders. “What were you working on?”

“Err, an assignment for my Studio Photography class. We’re doing portraiture at the moment, so I’m researching a few famous portrait photographers to get some inspiration for my folio.”

“That's awesome, like who? I’ve heard of Annie Leibowitz, obviously, but can’t think of any others.”

Harry was impressed. Kendall clearly actually had an interest in photography, or at least art. Niall had already gotten bored, and was chatting up Barb, and Gigi and Eleanor had begun their own private conversation.

“Yeah actually, she’s one of them. Also Diane Arbus? She worked a lot to normalise marginalised people in the 60s, advocating for equal representation of all etc. She’s very cool.”

“Wow. So what sort of thing do you think you’ll do for yours?”

“Um, I was thinking a series. A bit of a “more than what meets the eye” type of thing. Try to not just a book by it’s cover. It’s still in the brainstorming stages, but then I need to find some people to pose for me.

“You know we model right?”

“Who's we?”

“Gig, Barb and I. I mean, they do more catwalk than studio, actually Gig” The other girls stopped talking to listen to Kendall. “Gig you’ve been doing more studio lately haven’t you?”

“Yeah, bit more versatile than runway, hours wise. Don’t have to be restricted to show season. Why?”

“Harry needs models for his photography class.”

“Oi!” Niall butted in. “Why aven’t you asked me you twat? Am I not handsome enough for you? Is it my pointy nose?” He feined insecurity, covering his face. Barb elbowed him.

“You're plenty handsome you idiot.” They both blushed a little, but Niall, ever the jokester, continued.

“Sexy nose.” He pointed at it, and Barb laughed, touching his shoulder lightly. Harry could see it unfolding before his very eyes.

“We'd be happy to model for you Harry.” Gigi offered. “The three of us have had a lot of practise, if you want us.”

“Hey, I model too!” Eleanor jumper in, pouting. “I do instagram ads all the time.It’s like super professional stuff. I have a camera and ring light and everything.”

Gigi and Kendall exchanged a look, but Barb was quick to support her.

“Yeah El too! Anyway Harry let us know about it okay?”

“Yeah thanks guys I will.” Harry said, definitely not wanting to work with Eleanor, but the other three might be okay.

Their meals arrived and they ate, making small talk with each other, Barb and Niall getting increasingly close and grossly eating off each other’s plates. _That escalated quickly._

_“_ Crap, it’s 1:45, El we have Rosetti’s class at 2! We better go.”

“Oh shit yeah.” Both everyone stood up and got out of the booth to let the girls on the end pass through. They wen’t to the counter and paid for their own meals, before leaving. Sarah came over to clear the table and Harry offered to make coffee’s for everyone. Espresso for Barb, Flat white for Niall, Large, strong, Skinny Cappuccino for Kendall. He prepared Barb and Niall’s first, bringing them over to the table. He went back over to the machine to make Kendall’s and she followed him.

“I wanna watch.” She explained, leaning on the counter across from Harry, meeting his eyes over the machine.

“Oh sure. It’s not that interesting though.” He laughed, feeling a little under pressure at the scrutiny.

“No it is! And also those two are making me want to vomit right now.”

Harry glanced back to the table. Niall and Barb were completely facing each other now, with her tucking her hair behind her ear coyly, and Niall resting his arm behind her on top of the couch, not subtly at all.

“Fair enough.” Harry got to work on her coffee, finishing up as she asked questions about every step he was doing, claiming she wanted to learn. “Another time I’ll teach you” he offered. Maybe.

The bell rang as a new customer came in. He looked up. Fuck. He handed Kendall her drink, telling her to wait for him at the table while he cleaned up the machine.

Louis walked straight over to Harry, ignoring Sarah at the service station.

“Hi”

“Hi.” Harry replied. pretending to be busy with the machine, but he was really just fiddling.

“So, you make coffee’s for everyone you want to impress?” Louis accused, his playful words not quite matching his tone.

“Who says I was trying to impress you.”

“You did. In the song.” Harry flushed beetroot red. Shit. He played cool.

“What song, what are you talking about?” He covered poorly, but Louis seemed to buy it, turning red himself, shuffling his feet nervously.

“Nothing, don’t worry. I was kidding”

“Right.”

“So, um. Kendall? She seems keen?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh cool Niall’s here too! I’ll come sit. If that’s okay?”

“Um, actually Louis. This is sort of a double date.” Harry lied. “Like, Niall wanted to take Barb out but still have some backup, so Kenny and I got roped into it. It’s not a date for us, it’s just like, you know, an excuse so Niall didn’t seem too keen.”

“Oh. Okay. So why does it matter if I join?”

“Louis, it’s the vibe. If you come, it won’t be date vibes, it will be mate vibes. Don’t ruin this for Niall.” Harry scrambled to get Louis to leave. He couldn’t stand looking at him knowing that he knew about his crush, knowing that he and Eleanor were an item.

“Fine.” Louis looked kinda upset. And rightly so. Harry only felt half bad.

“Do you want a coffee to go or something?”

“No I’m fine. I’ll just go. I know where I’m not wanted.”

“Louis!” Harry called after him, but he strode out the door, bell clanging as he left. Shit. I mean, he’d gotten what he’d wanted. He’d made him leave, he’d made it seem like there was something between he and Kendall so why did it feel like the opposite of what he wanted. He went back to the table with his coffee.

“Hey was that Louis I just saw walk out? He didn’t want to stay?” Niall asked.

“Nah he’s got a class. He was just dropping something off.”

“Oh really? Could have sworn he asked me what I was doing this afternoon, wanting to hang.” Niall looked confused, so Harry fumbled for an explanation.

“Errrrr, maybe he was going to skip and changed his mind or something?”

“Mm could be. What did he drop off?”

“Um…. just something for Sarah.”

“He’s friends with Sarah?”

“Niall I don’t know okay! I didn’t ask him every detail of his life I just took the thing and he left okay! Jesus.” Harry erupted. Kendall, Barb and Niall all gave him a weird look. So he apologised.\

“Sorry, I just don’t know why you think I would know everything about him.”

Niall answered. “Ummmm maybe because you’re best friends. You talk all the time, you never shut up about him, you always know what he’s doing or when he’s free next, you cuddle in bed, do I need to go on?” Harry flushed red, why was Niall illustrating their entire relationship in front of the girls?

“Niall, can you not?” he whisper yelled.

“Yeah Niall, look, we don’t care about Louis and Harry’s bromance.” Kendall interjected. She placed her hand on top of Harry’s “Harry, I wanted to know, do you like vegan food?”  


“Yeah love it actually. Why?”

“A new vegan restaurant has opened up and I’ve been meaning to check it out. Will you go with me?”

“Okay why not.”

“Perfect! Dinner tomorrow night?”

“Oh dinner? Um, sure yeah sure!” _Was this a date?_

“Okay awesome. I can’t wait.” She squeezed his hand gently, then removed hers to take a sip of her coffee. Harry looked up at Niall to see his brows raised. Of course he’d witnessed that whole interaction. Harry had just agreed to a date he didn’t really know if he wanted to go on. Oops.

They finished off their coffee’s and did a little more work before packing up and heading back to campus. After the girls went left towards their tower and it was just Harry and Niall, Harry had to ask.

“Hey, um. Do you know what Louis’ doing tonight?”

“Hellooooo Harry have you been listening for the past 10 minutes??? We were just talking about the game tonight? Against Sheffield?? Louis’ on the team too remember?” Oops. Harry had been so busy panicking about how to patch things with Louis that he forgot that he was on Niall’s soccer team. Or rather, they were on the team together.

“Right. Shit. Of course. So he’s playing tonight. Game’s in Sheffield?”

“Yeah, bus leaves at 4:30 sharp from the West Gate, so I was gonna walk over with him in about 40 minutes.”

“Um. Okay. Do you think I could come?"

“I mean, sure. There’s a fan bus leaving at 5:15, but you might be the only one on it. It’s such a minor match. Like, we’re sure to win, Sheffield is shit, and it doesn’t count towards finals or anything. Basically just a scrimmage. But you’re welcome, of course. Always.”

“Okay, thanks mate.”

“So, can I ask what’s going on with you two?”

“Who?”

“You know who.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You sang Girl Crush? Whatever just happened at the bakery? You wanting to come to some random game?”

“I might be coming to see you play!”

“Harry, I might be thick in the arse, not in the head.”

“You're not thick in the arse. You have chicken legs.”

“Whatever. Don’t change the subject. You and Louis.”

“Niall, honestly, there’s nothing to tell. I sung a stupid song, thinking I liked him for a second, but really I was just heartbroken over Nick, and confused, and he was there and nice to look at, okay?”

“Nice to look at?”

“Yes.”

“Was he nice to look at when you were cuddling each other to sleep?”

“Niall.”

“Was he nice to look at when-“

“Niall, it doesn’t matter how nice. He has a girlfriend, he and Eleanor are a thing, and even if they weren’t, he’s straight, and even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t like me like that. Okay? So can you drop it so I can get over it?”

Niall looked a little guilty now. “Okay. Sorry H.”

“It's okay. I just need to apologise to him and go back to being friends.”

“Sounds good. Okay, I need to go grab my bag and meet him to head to the bus, will I see you there?”

“Yep. You will.”

“Good one Hazza. You’ll be right.”

“See you soon.”

“See ya.”

Harry flopped back onto his bed as Niall left their room.

He had to make things right with Louis. Back to normal. Back to being close. He couldn’t live without it. The friendship, obviously. Even if he had acknowledged that he might want more, that was irrelevant, because it was the friendship he missed, and the friendship he wanted back. His brain would forgot his crush soon enough and move on. He got up and stripped off to change. He pointedly decided to NOT dress to impress - he was only looking for friendship, and friends don’t care what friends wore. So he went for his black “Don't Trip” hoodie, grey track pants tucked into his nike sport socks, white adidas sneakers and flicked his hair up into a bun. Nice and warm, totally chill, totally not caring. He may or may not have adjusted the height of his socks about 20 times, just to get the amount of roll and scrunch perfectly not caring and uneven, yet not actually disheveled. A tricky balance to achieve.

He grabbed his phone and keys, and rushed out the door, suddenly adrenaline pumping his through the halls towards the bus. He got to the designated waiting spot, and saw the bus. There were 2 other people on it, about 25 empty seats. Niall was right, not the biggest turn out. The pull pulled out, and he was reminded by the horrible radio station choice that he had forgotten his headphones. Some poppy rubbish playing that he couldn’t stand, and nothing to drown it out. THe song ended and a voice cut through.

“Alrighty folks, that was She Looks So Perfect everyone’s new favourite local band, 5 Seconds Of Summer. Even though summer’s over, it’s nice to pretend it isn’t. And these hot new boys will be making you all feel like summer’s only just begun.” Yuck. Harry was ready to vomit at the sleazy, yet familiar drawl. Nick. Gross. He was ready to storm down the aisle of the bus to change the channel, but decided to plug his ears instead. better nothing than this. He ended up overthinking every possible scenario of tonight as he shut out the music. Louis sees him and tells him to fuck off. Louis sees him and just ignored him. Louis is civil but cold with him and he just takes the bus back with nothing solved. Louis thinks Harry’s there because he has a huge crush on Louis, and makes fun on him for it, or gets grossed out. None of them made sense. None of them fitted Louis’ character, but that didn’t mean they didn’t play through Harry’s mind on repeat. When the bus finally pulled up to Sheffield he was positively shitting himself, overrun by anxiety. He tried to pull himself together as he filed out of the bus and followed the other two Manchester students into their empty section of the stands. He quickly texted Niall:

— — —

_Hey man, I’m here. Up in the stands. Good luck. Talk after. - H_

_HARRREHHHHH!!!! SO glad u made it mate, buzzin 2 c u. Tommos in a shite mood tho so u better fix shit up with him. Good luck lad, not that u need it !!!!_

_— — —_

He didn’t need to reply, Niall would probably we warming up or changing or something. He settled into the chilly seat, and scrolled mindlessly through his Instagram till he hit the bottom of his feed, then his Pinterest suggestions. He almost squealed in shock when sweaty hands covered his eyes. Okay, he might have squealed a little - he thought he was being kidnapped! But his kidnapper laughed a high pitched, breathy giggle that was all too familiar and he knew he was safe. He reached up behind him and grabbed the small shoulders of his attacker.

“Lou! You scared the crap out of me!” Louis let go of his face and jumped over the chair next to Harry so he was down in the same row, then sat.

“What are you doing up here? Shouldn’t you be with the team?” Harry furrowed his brows in concern. Of course he wanted to see Louis, but he didn't want to sabotage the game at his expense!

“Hey Curls.” He wrapped his sweaty arm around Harry’s shoulders, pulling him in roughly.

“Nah, when Niall told me you were here I just skipped out to come up. It was warm up enough running up all these fooking stairs.” He turned to properly face Harry.

“Haz, I can’t believe you came.”

“Louis it’s nothing. It was like an hour.”

“But you didn’t have to. And the weather’s shit. You know it’s supposed to rain?”

“Oh…. uh… no I didn’t know that.”

“You're a fucking idiot.” He laughed.

“Shut up.”

“Haz. We good?” They were huddled into each other, sharing body heat and making eye contact.

“Yeah. I’m sorry Louis. I was being silly.”

“I was silly too.”

“Okay, so no more being silly. Just back to before.”

“Yes please. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. And you’re the best friend ever. That I could ever ask for. And you care so much, and you always love to help me out. Like without me even asking. Like you can predict when I need something and you just do it and help me. That’s why I love you so much. Like if you saw that I was shivering with cold and it was about to rain you’d offer me your jacket or something.” Harry burst out laughing as he finished his sentence.

“You dick!” Louis exclaimed after he realised what Harry wanted, punching him in the guts. “I thought you were being serious! Just showering me in compliments because of how great I am, not cos you wanted a bloody favour. I fucking hate you” He swore, but he was grinning.

“You love me.”

“Shut up” Louis got up. “My jacket’s in the change room, come down and grab it, I won’t have time to come back up.”

They took the stairs down from the stands two at a time, just as the rain was starting to dribble down. The wind was already cutting right through the cotton of Harry’s hoodie, and he was dying for some warmth. They reached the changing rooms, and Harry timidly followed Louis inside to where the entire team was getting changed into their uniform, half-naked and stretching, pulling on sports tape, wrestling with each other. Harry stared pointedly at the ground, cheeks flushing. No need to ogle the team.

“Am I allowed to be in here?” Harry whispered into Louis ear.

“Yeah all good.” He clarified, clearing his voice to address the group. “Team. Harry. Harry. Team.” He gestured forwards and backwards between the boys. Harry gave a little wave. Niall bounded over.

“Yessss buddy!!! All good then between you?” He asked, sensing the restored vibes.

“Yep, all good. Was just grabbing him my jacket cos it’s starting raining up there. The idiot didn’t think to grab one.”

“Niall, you could have told me it’d be raining.” Harry pointed out.

“You think I check the weather? I don’t feel the cold. It’s the Irish blood.”

Louis grabbed a massive jacket off the top of his kit. It was one of those huge warm up jackets that are fleece lined, with the waterproof outer, and go down to your knees, with a hood and a zip up the front. It was in the team colours, black and dark purple with yellow lettering. It had the university logo on the chest, and TOMLINSON printed largely across the back of the shoulders. Harry put it on immediately, trying to ignore the fuzzy feeling he got at having Louis’ name on his back.

“Weeeeeew Tommo’s got himself a cheerleader!” One of the boys yelled out, Stan clapping him on the back and yelling.

“Nah nah he’s just our idiot mate that didn’t bring a jacket.And he was coming to Sheffield anyway, he’s not here just for the game.” Louis reassured his team. Harry flushed red, and Niall looked confused.

Harry turned to Louis. “Hey, I should probably head back up to the seats. Good luck out there.” he gave Louis his best friendly bro pat, and waved at Niall before walking out into the rain, back up the stairs and installing himself in his seat.

The game was tedious to watch. His feet had somehow gotten wet, his hands were freezing, and he thought he probably caught a cold, despite the massive coat. Louis played incredibly, of course, and Niall played only a little bit, fucking around as much as possible when he could. But it didn’t matter. Sheffield was as shit as he was promised, apparently the strongest players all graduated last year and they were left with a new group of fresh meat. Not ideal for them, but pretty good for Manchester. They won 2-0, and Harry cheered for Louis when he made good moves, but not too much. He was conscious of not wanted to embarrass Louis by being too much of a fan, so he made sure to yell out extra loud for Niall too, for the few minutes he was actually on the field. After the siren went off and the team hugged and headed back to the change rooms, he met Louis at the pitch fence.

“Good game. You play well.” Harry congratulated.

“Thanks lad. Hey, I’m gonna grab my kit, just wait over under the shelter.”

“Okay" He wandered over to the shelter. The bus probably left shortly after the game to head back to campus so he hoped Louis wouldn’t be too long. 5 minutes later, he saw Louis jogging over in his team tracksuits, sports bag in hand, and another on his back. When he got to Harry he wiped his hand through his fringe a few times to fix it.

“Here, I’ll take one.” Harry reached out to carry Louis kit for him.

“So, what’s the plan?” Louis asked.

“Uhhh.. I think your bus is just meeting over there and then the fan bus follows?” Harry suggested uncertainly, pointing towards the rest of the team that was lining up in the car park.

“Oh Niall didn’t tell you?” Harry furrowed his brows in answer. “I'm heading to Donny for the weekend. Catch up with me mum and me sisters. I miss em.”

“Oh! Okay! I didn’t realise. Okay, well I guess I’d better get on the bus then. See ya.” Harry waved, walking over towards the bus, mentally kicking himself for coming all the way for 5 minutes of talking to Louis.

“Wait! Harry.” He turned back. “Come and stay. Meet my family. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“What? I can’t Lou, I didn’t bring anything. I don’t have my laptop for my uni work, I don’t even have any money. I can’t."

“Yes you can. Come on, we’ll study really hard on Monday afternoon to make up for it. Promise. Come on.” Louis was tugging on his sleeve like a pouty toddler. The sleeve of Louis’ jacket that he was still wearing, and had forgotten about. Harry stumbled back towards Louis who dragged him towards the other side of the parking lot. A beige Ford sedan tooted its horn at them, and a blonde girl waved from the drivers seat, Louis waved back. Once they got to the car, Louis opened up the boot and chucked his bags in, then motioned for Harry to get in the back seat as he jumped in the passenger side. 

“I must have missed the part where I offered to drive your buddy around.” The girl retorted as she pulled Louis into a hug.

“You didn’t even get out of the car you twat.”

“I missed you big bro.” She said as she squeezed him tight over the centre console.

“You too Lots.” He let go. “Okay that’s enough of that. Harry, my little bitch of a sister Charlotte. Lottie, this is Harry.”

“Hi Lottie.” Harry said awkwardly, still trying to work out whether or not he was welcome int he car.

“This is Harry?!?” She exclaimed looking between the two boys. “Harry that you never shut up about??????” She was practically squealing.

He punched her. “Lottie what the hell!”

“Sorry Harry, it’s just Louis talks about you as if you handcrafted the fucking stars. I was beginning to think he had a little crush.” That earned her a hand over her mouth, effectively muting whatever else she was going to expose about her brother.

“Okay I think that’s a bit on an exaggeration.” Louis defended himself, not looking Harry in the eye. “Lottie if you could drive us home please, I’m soaking wet.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She pressed play on her music, some poppy tunes that Harry didn’t actually hate too much, and pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway.

“So how was the game. Did you win?”

“Yup. Smashes em.”

“Did you score?”

“Lottie I’m a defender, for fucks sake. That’s not my job.”

Harry laughed, knowing full well that Louis had in fact taken a shot on goal, but the keeper caught it, only just.

“Okay sorry! I’m trying to be nice.”

“How's school?”

“Good. Boring.”

“How's Fiz?”

“She's good. Got a girlfriend.”

“What? A girlfriend?” Louis couldn’t hide the shock in his tone.

“Louis, she’s 16 she’s allowed to date” Lottie argued.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Louis was clearly trying to hide his surprise that his sister was dating a girl, rather than dating at all. He fell silent, so Harry jumped in.

“So Lottie, are you seeing anyone?”

“Umm, yeah actually. I have a boyfriend”

“Lottie what the hell? Since when?” Louis shrieked, probably more upset that he didn’t know about it.

“Like just over a month we’ve been official. His name’s Danny. He’s in my class.”

“Hmm.” Louis pondered. “He nice?”

“Yeah.”

“Mum met him?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then.” The car fell silent again. Lottie piped up.

“So Harry do you have a girlfriend?” Louis almost choked on his sip of water, before interrupting her.

“Lottie, Harry’s g-“

“No I don’t.” Harry cut in. “But Louis does.” Louis whipped his head around to eye Harry.

“Louis? A girlfriend? Oh lord I never thought I’d see the day.” Lottie teased. “Wait, was she at the game? I could have met her!”

“No, no she wasn’t at the game. Just Harry.”

“OKay soooooo tell me more! I want to know everything!”

“She's not my girlfriend. Harry, we’re not dating. She’s not my girlfriend. It was just - ugh. I don’t know.” He tried to explain.

“Ohhhh so she dumped you.” Lottie giggled. “Harry tell me more about her! I want to know who broke my idiot brother’s heart!”

Harry laughed. “Okay so her name is Eleanor, she’s a bit taller than Louis, long brown hair, studying Media, thinks she’s an insta model, is obsessed with fake tan and is permanently orange toned, gets tipsy after one drink, and literally stalked Louis to get his attention, asking around for his number an everything. Louis why didn’t you tell me she dumped you?”

“We we’re never together! And she didn’t dump me! If anything, it was the other way. I rejected her. Nothing ever happened between us.” Louis looked back at Harry, eyes suddenly full of earnestness. “I swear, nothing ever happened.”

Harry was a bit shocked. That didn’t explain the insta photo, or the morning after walk back to the dorms, or the feeling up at the bar when he was singing. It didn’t make any sense. But in the car with his sister was probably not the best moment to hash out the specifics of Louis' sex life.

“Okayyy fine. You’re both single losers then.” She teased. “At least you have each other!” She joked, but it felt like a knife in Harry’s heart, because he didn’t have Louis. Not really.

Louis and his sister updated each other on the ride home, Harry popping in occasionally to roast his friend, but mostly just observing, listening, learning about Louis. The drive was only about 40 minutes long, but Harry could have listened to Louis talk forever. They pulled up to a [red brick end-of-terrace house](https://eversincethediningtable.tumblr.com/post/641525156595023872/fic-only-if-youre-110-ao3-chapter-nine), 3 stories tall, with a concrete car space, a small patch of lawn and a few potted plants for decoration. Lottie put the car in park, flicked up the handbrake and did a little jazz hands presentation of the house.

“This is it!” She said before getting out of the car and marching towards the door, unlocking it and flinging it open, not closing it behind her. Louis got out, Harry following suit, and they grabbed a bag each and went in. Harry was a little overwhelmed. The house was… chaotic, to say the least. The first floor was sort of an open plan, with the couch and tv just to the left as Harry entered, dining table in the middle, and kitchen at the far end, with a door leading to the backyard. A staircase began about halfway down the space, which Lottie flounced up. Gossip girl was playing on the TV, with a young looking girl watching it on the couch. Another girl was sat at the dining table on a laptop, with books and paper spread out all around her, headphones on. A third was in an armchair across from the sofa, feet up, and talking on the phone.

“Louis!” A woman called from the kitchen, pulling off her rubber gloves and opening her arms as she ran over to pull Louis in.

“Hi Mum” Louis muffled into her shoulder. She looked younger than Harry expected for a mum of a 21 year old, but he wasn’t judging, just surprised. As she pulled back, she noticed the unexpected guest.

“Louis!” She punched him. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing someone special home! Hi there, I’m Jay, it’s so lovely to meet you.” She gushed, pulling Harry into an equally tight hug.

“Hello, I’m Harry. It’s lovely to meet you too. I’ve been looking forward to meeting Louis’ family for a while.” He said as she let go of him.

“Oh you’re Harry! Louis has told us so much about you!” She beamed, before turning to Louis. “Why didn’t you tell me you two were together! I would have met him sooner!” Louis’ eyes practically popped out of his skull.

“Mum! We’re not together! Harry came to my game and invited him back here. Now does anyone have a problem with that?” He asked an imaginary audience, but his mother answered for him.

“No of course not. Sorry honey, I shouldn’t have assumed. Harry, dear, you’re always welcome here. Now, Louis we ate dinner earlier since I knew you wouldn’t be home till late, and Lottie went out before she picked you up, but Harry, since I didn’t know you were coming I’ve only got one plate saved. It’s chicken pie, and theres some greens to go with it in the fridge.”

“Mrs Tomlinson it’s no worries at all.”

“Oh Harry, I’m not married, and my name’s Poulsten, but call me Jay darling, and don’t you dare tell me you’re not hungry, you’re a giant, you probably need eat three times as much as Louis!”

“Sorry, Ms Poulsten, Jay, but if I ate three times as much of the crap that Louis eats I think I’d have a heart attack.” Louis smacked his arm.

“Don't fucking tell her.”

“Louis! I thought you were taking care of yourself!”

“Yeha mum I am! Look, let’s go get something to eat, and Mum why don’t you have the pie for lunch tomorrow or something.”

“Alright sweetheart, if you’re sure. Don’t be too long, we need to catch up!”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye Ms.. uh, Jay”

“Bye love!”

They walked back through the living area from the kitchen, to the front door, all 3 girls still not having noticed Harry in their house, busy with their own lives. They left the house, went right past the car and started walking down the street.

“What do you feel like.”

“Don't mind.”

“Okay.”

They walked in a comfortable silence for about 5 minutes before Louis stopped outside a Mexican chain restaurant.

“Tacos alright?”

“Perfect.” Harry answered, and Louis pushed the door open.

Once they had gotten their food and taken their seats, Harry started to make conversation.

“I've never been to Doncaster before.”

“Really?” Harry nodded. “I'll show you round tomorrow. Look, Harry, it was kind of a spur of the moment decision to invite you, I didnt really think it through, so the sleeping arrangement might be a bit fucked. The house barely has space for the 6 of us, let alone a guest bedroom. Sorry, it’s not much really, but it’s home.”

“Don't apologise Louis, I don’t mind at all. I love your house, so far I mean. I’m happy to sleep on the floor.”

“Oh my god, can you imagine? The guest sleeping on the floor? Mum would have a heart attack! No, you’ll be in a bed, it just might be one of my sisters or something. I don’t know.”

“Louis, seriously.” Harry grabbed his hand from across the table. “It's fine. I can’t wait to properly meet your other sisters."

“Ugh, you’ll regret saying that! They’re a nightmare. Living with 5 girls, it’ll drive you crazy.”

“But you love them, I can tell.”

“Yeah, I do. They’re everything. You know?” Harry nodded. “I’d like to meet Gemma.”

“You’ll get along well I think. You’re very similar. It’s kinda creepy actually.”

“Does she look much like you?”

“I'll show you a photo back at yours, I left my phone. She does though, not identical obviously , but similar.”

“She single?” Louis asked, earning him a kick under the table. “What? If she looks anything like you I’m sure she’s hot!”

“Louis! No way. That’d be so weird.” Harry felt like vomiting up his tacos at the thought of Louis with his sister. Nothing would be worse.

“I'm kidding! Kinda” Louis burst out laughing at Harry’s pouty face. They kept eating for a while until Harry had to ask.

“Louis, what happened with Eleanor?”

“Nothing happened. I meant what I said.” Louis answered, looking at Harry earnestly.

“So, what happened that night at Brickhouse? When my band was playing? You left. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Ugh. I hoped you wouldn’t notice.”

“Of course I noticed.”

“Fine, I’ll explain the whole night.” Louis continues, explaining to Harry how he forgot the date with Eleanor, showing up the the bar with Liam and having to spend the night with Eleanor while she got wasted, ending up taking her back to her room to sleep and falling asleep on the other bed while he waited for Kendall to come.

“Wow. That was good of you.”

“Not really. Just human decency I think. Plus, I fell asleep. She could have choked on her vomit and I would have dozed right through it. Anyway, that’s the story. Only when I woke up in the morning and the room was light, I saw the photos on the bedside table and realised I’d put her in Ashe’s bed, and I was sleeping on hers.

“That explains her story then.”

“Her story?”

“Yeah, she posted an instagram story of you in her bed. Captioned it “My tired boy” with some love hearts. You could see the embroidered E on her pillowcase, so I knew it was her bed.”

“Jesus christ. What the hell is she on. I’m not her boy.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Good.”

“Okay.” They looked at each other with some sort of understanding, not really wanting to acknowledge why Louis being single was good, but both sensing something underlying. Or at least that’s what Harry thought was happening.

They finished up their tacos and walked back to the Tomlinson’s. Once they were through the door they saw Jay and all 4 sisters were cozied up on the couch and armchairs in front of the TV, watching Clueless.

“Oh my god I love that movie!” Harry gushed when he was through the door. Everyone turned around to look at the boys, Jay pausing the film.

“OH good you’re back! Time to introduce everyone. You’ve met Lottie already, then next we have Fizzy, she’s 16” The tallest one with long dark hair waved. Jay continued. "And the twins, Daisy and Phoebe, are 14.” Both smiled and then turned back to the movie.

“Mum can you press play.” Fizzy asked, and Jay obliged, getting uo to come over to Louis and Harry.

“Okay, so I’ve sorted out some beds for you, out in the shed.”

“In the shed? Mum are you joking? We’ll freeze to death. And it’s feral in there. Can’t we just sleep on the floor?”

“Louis can you just hold the complaining until you’ve actually seen it?”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine"

They followed Jay through the kitchen and out the back door. Harry whispered to Louis “I’m sure it’s fine Lou, don’t make a fuss for me.”

They reached the door, and Jay ushered them in. Harry guessed that it was a bit different from since Louis had last seen it, judging by his reaction.

“Mum! Oh my god! What is this!” He said as he walked in, looking around at the converted room.

“Well I know we agreed to give your room to Lottie when you moved out so her and Fiz didn’t have to share anymore, but we felt horrible that you’d have to be on the couch everytime you came home, and we didn’t have anywhere to put all your posters and trophies and all your stuff, so we thought since nobody’s used the shed since Mark left, why not make a little spare room.”

“Mum it’s unbelievable! This must have taken ages!”

“Lottie's boyfriend helped us out a lot actually, they kind of did it as a little project together. It just needed some insulation, plasterboard, floor boards, and then moving all your junk in! The electrics were already there, so it wasn’t that hard. Honestly I can’t believe how it turned out either. Then we just put your posters up and we were going to surprise you when you came home, but then Harry came too so I set up the spare mattress on the trundle. You just need to make the bed. Now, can I have an apology for that complaining earlier?”

Louis hugged his Mum tightly. “Thank you mum, so much. This means so much to me to still have my own space. I love you so much.”

“I love you too darling. Now, I’ll let you boys get settled in, Louis, there’s clean sheets for Harry’s bed just over here, make it up for him please. And come and say goodnight to us before you go to bed, okay?”

“Thanks so much Jay. I really appreciate it.” Harry thanked her.

“No trouble at all Harry.”

She left them alone, and Harry started to have a snoop around. The walls were covered in posters of soccer stars, with a long shelf of trophies on one side. There was a cupboard in one corner, and a few plastic storage boxes of clothes stacked up on the floor. A double bed was nestled at one end of the narrow room, fitting in with no space on either side, and a single trundle bed had been pulled out from underneath and was lying in the centre of the room for Harry.

“Louis, this is really cool. I can’t believe they made this for you.”

“I can’t believe it either. It’s just like my old room’s been transported outside, except smaller, and super narrow, with no windows. I love it.” He flung himself at his bed face first with excitement. He rolled to one side onto his back, and patted the spot next to him. Harry climbed on carefully, lying next to him, leaving a very appropriate distance between them. He gazed up. The shed roof was slanted above the bed, with the lower end finishing above 2 feet above the mattress. The slanted half was made of glass, and Harry and Louis gazed at the stars above them as they laid in the bed.

“Wow, this is really beautiful.” Harry breathed quietly.

“Mmm. I feel like this is the part where you’re meant to stars pointing out different stars, or groups of em, or whatever. Like the moment for it. But I don’t know shit about stars.”

“Neither.”

“Still nice to look at though.”Louis said, and Harry turned to face him.

“Yeah. Really nice.”

Louis turned to look at Harry and they lay facing each other for a beat, eyes locked. And another beat passed, both of them holding their breath. Louis cleared his throat, eyes darting around suddenly, sitting up and nearly banging his head on the glass roof.

“Err, I should go shower. I’m all sweaty still. Be right back.” He jumped off the bed, and opened his backpack to grab some clothes, then left the shed without a second look, closing the door behind him.

Harry turned onto his back and looked upwards. He didn’t know what was going on with Louis. He would like to think that something was going on. It was getting hard to pretend like he didn’t like Louis a little more than he probably should, and that it probably wasn’t going to just go away any time soon. Of course, Harry wanted the electricity he thought he was sensing between them to be a mutual feeling, but all Louis had done whenever they had a moment was get awkward and end it abruptly. And remind Harry how straight he was. It was making his heart hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to conjure up a plan of how to get over his little crush, but the fatigue of the day took over, and he dozed off.

He woke to a soft shake of his foot.

“Haz? Hey, sorry. Just thought you’d want to change into something more comfy to sleep.” Louis held out a T shirt and plaid pyjama bottoms. Harry rubbed his eyes, sitting up and actually banging his head on the roof.

“Ouch.” He crawled towards a shower fresh Louis, his hair all mussed from being towel dried, cheeks flushed from the hot water. “Thank you.”

“No worries.”

Harry took the clothes and pulled his hoodie over his head, shirt coming with it, and noticed Louis eyeing his torso with a furrowed brow.

“What?” Harry asked, a bit worried.

“Nothing, just. Are those…” Louis pointed at 2 small dark red spots on Harry’s chest.

“Yup. Double the nipples. Double the fun.” He waggled his eyebrows at Louis, who laughed and rolled his eyes. Harry pulled the clean t-shirt over his head, then turned away to pull down his sweatpants. He heard the bed creak as Louis crawled into it, so he thought he was safe to pull down his underwear too, then quickly pull on the pyjamas. He hoped he’d moved swiftly enough to not give Louis an eyeful of anything. Or did he.

“I’d better just go say goodnight to your Mum.” Harry announced as he headed for the door.

“Don't worry about it, she’s gone to bed, I said goodnight for both of us.”

“Oh, good. I’m fucking tired.” Harry moaned as he came back over towards the beds. “Oh fuck, I forgot to do my sheets.”

“Fuck, I was gonna do it Harry.” Louis moved to get out of his cocoon to help.

“Louis it’s fine, it’ll take one minute, I’ve got it.”

“Fine.”

Harry went about making his bed while Louis watched guiltily from the double.

“Ah, Louis?”

“Mhm?”

“This sheet is for a twin bed, and this one’s a king single, it’s too small. Can you tell me where in your house I can find a single one? Is there a linen cupboard somewhere?”

“Ugh, fuck. We keep all the linen in Mum’s rooms cos she doesn’t use the whole double wardrobe. Harry, don’t worry about it. Just share. Come on, there’s space.”

“Are you sure Louis?”

“Yes I’m sure! Come on we slept fine in a single in the dorms, I’m sure we’ll survive in one that’s actually made for two people. Just don’t tell Mum or she’ll slit my throat for being a shitty host.”

Harry clapped his hand over his mouth as he laughed. He flicked off the lights, then crawled over the bed as Louis shuffled to one side, pulling back the covers to tuck himself in. The spot was nice and warm from where Louis’ body had been.

“Can I say something that might sound weird?” Louis asked tentatively, the safety of the darkness emboldening him.

“Sure.” Harry answer, curious.

“I had the best sleep of my life that night, when we shared my bed. I don’t think I’d ever slept with someone before, like since I was a kid, or like with my little sisters”

“Really? Wow.”

“I mean, I’ve never had a girlfriend, like, cos of soccer, so like, I dunno, it just never..”

“No, no. I mean wow, like I can’t believe you had the best sleep of your life. With me."

Louis kicked him.

“Don't flatter yourself. It would have been the same with anyone.”

“Dickhead. It was totally me. My cuddles gave you your best sleep ever.” Harry was grinning.

“Shut up.” They both laughed for a minute.

“I hope you get the second best sleep of your life tonight then.”

“Thanks, Goldilocks.”

“Welcome. Goodnight Lou Lou.”

“Night.”

They quickly fell asleep in each other's company, Harry lying on his tummy, and Louis on his back. Harry's hand cam up to rest next to Louis' shoulder, just touching lightly, yet somehow grounding them to each other through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some feedback! We are gradually leading up to the "London" title moment that's in the description, so stay tuned!
> 
> And thank you so much to all of you for reading, still cant believe how many of you there are! Just got 1500 hits right as I'm uploading which is totally crazy! I get the biggest smile on my face every time I get that little email saying someone had left me kudos, it really warms my heart. Big smiles!!!! 
> 
> Hope everyone is stay safe and sane, no matter where in the world you are right now. Australia is getting back to somewhat normal which I am so grateful for, but I know that some countries are just in the absolute worst of it right now, so I am sending my best wishes to you all. Try to be strong and wait it out. Check in with your mental health. Okay, that's enough of me being a mum. Also that reminds me, sorry I spell mum like that and not mom. You know what I mean. Just get over it :))) 
> 
> PS> I chose Louis' Doncaster house by googling 4 bedroom semi-detached houses in Doncaster. I found this one and looked at the floorplan and I thought it would work for the fic. I really have no sense of the price as it was sold, but it would be small for a family of 6 (Twins sharing, Lottie and Fiz sharing, Louis and Jay having their own rooms.) Three stories meant that the first floor had all of the family spaces, and then two bedrooms on each floor, and then laundry on one floor and large share bathroom on the top floor, and Jay's room having an attached ensuite. I pictured the twins being on the same floor as Jay, with the laundry, and the older siblings being on the top floor with the bathroom. But this is probably too much info lol, I just like getting really immersed in the world. Also, don't come @ me for having the classic "not very well off Louis with his massive family and no dad" thing, realistically, a young single mum with 5 kids is going to be struggling in most circumstances, so that is what I portrayed in the fic. In fact, the house is probably more than someone in real life in this situation would be able to afford because the housing market is fucked, but anyway. I'm sorry that it plays into a classic 1D fanfic trope, but there are certain truths to it. It's not designed to give him any trauma or "daddy issues" or anything, the story is not based on that. Sorry just felt the need for a disclaimer. :)
> 
> All the love, A x


End file.
